Therapy rant.

[Trigger Hippie]

I started with my new therapist last night and I can't stand her! She doesn't seem at all interested in me or what I have to say, she's not nice at all (no sense of humor), she makes me very uncomfortable because she is so stern, she tries to get me to change what I say or if she doesn't like what I say she makes me stop and start over (which pisses me off). I'll give her one or two more chances, then I'll have to start the hunt again for a new one. Which sucks because it took me two months to pin down this one for an appointment. :rant:

Question for all: What do you guys look for in a good therapist? Do you prefer one who is nice or one who will possibly argue with you and shake you up a bit? I like ones who I feel comfortable with and are gentle and understanding myself. (I hope this is not asking for medical advice and will get my thread locked. If so, I'm sorry.)

:hi:

[DemExpat]

1. I was lucky with my shrink for 5 years....

She never poo-pooed anything I said or felt, gave me the feeling that she was solidly on my side, but also poked and prodded to get me to widen my horizons.

I would say that the basic feeling of trust and likeability must be there in order for there to be a good working relationship, but definitely does not call for someone who is so "comfy" that no (necessary IMO) crap is ever stirred up - also about my behavior or views.

But I believe the feeling of having an ally is the first step necessary.

Good luck with this, I know how difficult it can be.

:hi:

DemEx

[Trigger Hippie]

2. I talked to my good friend last night, who's an expert with therapy.

She says that sometimes on the first visit, they try to get you annoyed to make you be honest and say things you might not want to say. That could be the case here.

I'll give her some more time to see if it gets to where I feel comfortable with her but also to where there's a bit of an adversarial relationship so I can really dig deep into my issues. I hope it works out. Breaking in therapists can be such a pain! Thanks for the kind words. :)

:hi:

[ernstbass]

3. As a therapist myself

I would NEVER try to make someone feel uncomfortalbe in the first session to get them to be more honest. There must be basic trust for a therapeutic alliance to be effective. I like your idea of one or two more sessions - you need someone you feel comfortable with in order to do the hard work in therapy. Good luck!!

[Trigger Hippie]

4. Thanks!

I'm going to try to figure out if what she's doing is her counseling style or if it's just her personality. I don't know if I can deal with her if it's either one and continues like it was in the first session. We'll see....

:hi:

[bertha katzenengel]

5. I have to trust her. That's the bottom line.

I was with Carol for 13 years, then I moved to the east coast. Last year (4 years after moving) I found a therapist I can trust, but it's very hard to see her (circumstances too inane to describe) and she's too expensive for me and not in my network. But I have to find a way to see her regularly and to pay her, because I trust her, and need her help.

She is not terribly warm, like Carol is, and does not seem to take a personal interest in me. I thought that would bother me, but when we began to work, I realized that she doesn't have to be warm and personable to be good for me. She is terribly insightful and isn't afraid of my hysteria. And I trust her and that is enough.

Anyway, BIAPH, that's the bottom line for me. Good luck.