As a child I had a lot of Asperger Syndrome symptoms.

[Ladyhawk]

It clicked when I read a description of Asperger Syndrome on a website. Today, I talked to my psychologist--still don't know if she's the right one for me--and she admitted that she wanted to test me to see if I have it. If I have it, I don't think it has carried over into my adult life...OK, maybe it has. I have no luck with relationships. Or maybe it's just that I don't do them very well.

I'm going to can the worthless psychiatrist and perhaps this psychologist as well. I like her OK, but I don't think we will work well together. :( I don't think she takes my fundy upbringing as seriously as she should. She mouths--and sometimes speaks out loud--the words at the ends of my sentences. Her personal hygiene isn't that great. :( I don't mind how a person looks and dresses as long as they are clean. (OK, I'm not always clean, but I can't stand to go out if I'm not.) There are some things I really like about her. She seems intelligent. If I have Asperger Syndrom, she may have diagnosed it when nobody else did--but I'm still distracted by the things that seem awkward. I don't want to have to smell my psychologist...know what I mean? This is awkward. :(

[LeftyElvis]

1. I gave up on pyschiatrists

I sympathsize with you but got to tell you that I stopped seeing pyschiatrists because the guy I was seeing just wanted to prescribe pills. I've done prozac, paxil, wellbutrin and elivil. None of them worked to well. All I wanted to do was eat and sleep. I ballooned up to 290 pounds and was like a zombie. I started seeing a pyschologist instead named Dr. Chad. He is great. We started in on some aroma therapy and weird as it may sound, the smell of apricots and clover flowers seems to change my moods. He told me that there was a lot of damage done with the ADD I had as a kid and the ritilin my adoptive parents made me take. I had a tragic upbringing. My father killed my mother and then himself in an alcohol rage and I was sent to a home were I was adopted. The people that adopted me was the worst thing that ever happened. They was abusive and treated me like shit. I still suffer but I am getting better. Dr. Chad had me call them and tell them off. They basically told me to fuck off. Nice huh? Dont get me started on medical coverage. That fucking weasel in the White House really screwed me. I have to pay for Dr. Chad some out of my own pocket. And with the depression periods I go through some times I can't work. I got an okay job with social services counselling teens that have problems with drugs. I totally get the drug thing because I am a former heroin addict. My advice would be to try to find a doctor that doesn't automatically give out anti-depressants. And stay away from any booze or drugs.

[shrike]

2. How tragic

So sad, too, that you didn't end up with a loving family. It reminds me of how many kids are in need out there.

I have adult ADD and chronic depression. Drugs do wonders for me, but they're not for everyone. (I take a long-lasting form of Ritalin, Concerta. My niece has ADD and she also takes Concerta. It has transformed her life and I have high hopes that she may "outgrow" the need for medication, which kids often do. It sucks taking meds; I wish I didn't have to.) Have you checked out a thread in this group originally posted by Lorien? In it, she (he) describes alpha-stim. It appears to be similar to modified shock therapy, which was introduced a few years ago and successfully treats depression that has been non-responsive to everything else. (Of course, if you don't have medical insurance, the treatment may be out of reach at this time.)

Psychiatrists can be difficult; remember, they're MDs, just like the dudes who give you aspirin and say, "Call me in the morning." They're not trained to be therapists. I used to go to a guy (who was covered by my HMO, damn them) and he only worked a few days a week. Had a regular assembly-line going: five minutes a patient; he must have made a bloody fortune. I dumped his ass as soon as I could.

My current shrink spoke with me for about 40 minutes, taking my whole medical history before prescribing me any meds. He's pretty nice as MDs go. Sounds to me like you've made the right choice in going to a psychologist -- he's helping you work through your past, obviously. As for aromatherapy, hey, I'm for what works. If it works, go for it. Good luck to you.

[Ladyhawk]

4. I'm very sorry for your pain. :( :( :( :(

(((((((((( LeftyElvis ))))))))) I'm really not even sure what to say. You've been through hell. I've also found that burning candles sometimes helps me, but I haven't been able to find those damn candles since the moves...guess I'll have to buy some more. They don't help nearly enough, though. :(

I have been on a shitload of antidepressants. I've been on antidepressants for over twenty years, I think, and I keep trying new ones because I don't know what else to do. :shrug: I've had ECT (shock treatments), which helped, but I don't want to do that again if I can help it. I am not giving up, but part of my body wants to.

I, also, did the weight gain thing. I don't think I gained as much weight as you did, but I was pretty hefty. I've lost 40-50 pounds this year, mostly because of a recent surgery. If I can take off another 20, I'll be doing well. My weight gain led to diabetes, sleep apnea and degenerative disc disease. One thing leads to another...

I also hate the Republican agenda for vilifying folks like us while spending money to kill folks in other countries. :( It's just not right.

Disclaimer: I'm in a fair amount of pain today. I'm also on a lot of pain meds, so I am having trouble collecting my thoughts and writing coherently.

[shrike]

3. Ladyhawk

I wasn't diagnosed with adult ADD until my young niece got the same diagnosis. My sister recognized the same symptoms in me and gently prodded me to get medical help. I'm glad she did.

Unfortunately, you really have to be your own advocate when it comes to your health. And those of us with mood disorders/mental health issues are often in no shape to do so. But we really have no choice.

I'm not very good at relationships, either (I was lucky enough to meet my husband, who accepts me the way I am) and I've since learned that many ADDers don't pick on social cues well. So I can sympathize.

If you're not comfortable with your psychologist, I'd find a new one. And hang in there.

[Ladyhawk]

5. Thanks. I'm trying.

Today is one of the hard days, though. Too much physical pain to even handle the emotional pain...ugh.

[LeftyElvis]

6. On relationships

I haven't had lasting relationships either and you are so right on on ADDers not picking up on social clues. There was a woman I liked and she was nice to me but I didn't think she was interested at all so I just never got anything going on. Then I found out from a friend that she did like me and tried but it was too late. She moved and then married some guy. I freak out and get all nervous around women and can't even talk some times. I counsel a lot of teenage girls on drug abuse and they really look up to me but I would never compromise what I am trying to do and some of these girls are really pretty but with women in my age group I just don't do well. I'm definitely not gay because I like women but I do feel more comfortable talking to men. I hate it when people blow off ADD and say it is an excuse. It is real and painful.

[shrike]

7. Yes, it is painful

Although it was freeing to finally get my diagnosis -- at last I knew WHY. Relieved me of a lot of guilt; that there were things I was just doing WRONG.

The reason I'm married, quite frankly, is that my husband went in hot pursuit of me. I'm sure I missed out on a lot of relationships earlier in life (I happen to be pretty, which is my saving grace) because it never dawned on me that so-and-so was interested in me. Fortunately, the guy I'm married to treats me beautifully, and we have a lot in common. Maybe you'll meet some woman who'll go in hot pursuit of you -- although in our society men are expected to take the initiative, which must make it harder on you.

But as I said, hang in there. Have you researched ADD much? If you're still suffering its effects, please note that other alternative treatments have arisen in recent years. There are plenty of books out there in the library. Good luck.

[LeftyElvis]

8. Thank you for the encouragement

I have been working on myself some. I got up to 290 pounds and at 5'8" that is big. I'm down to about 225 now and hoping to drop more. I am eating healthly. I don't do any drugs or alcohol and I like my therapist who believes in a healthy lifestyle as what he calls a "cornerstone" for any recovery. I do have a perspiration issue but it is getting less with the weight loss. Plus the aroma therapy puts happier thoughts in my brain through senses so I can be conditioned more to happiness. My friend got a really great girl on Yahoo online date service and I think I will try the same thing when I feel more confident about my looks and can afford a car.

[shrike]

9. Yeah, you've got to work on yourself first

I know it's hard, but until you really feel like you've got something to offer you come across as desperate.

Getting your health and weight in line is a good start. I can tell you that there ARE women out there who appreciate men like yourself, who are in the caring professions. A man who can listen, empathize and nurture has a lot to offer. Granted, there aren't a lot of women out there looking for a guy like you, but there ARE some.

But as I've said, work on yourself first and become the best that you can be, then look for a mate.

[MaggieSwanson]

10. My daughter is an Aspie.

I have a lot of books about living with it, because they help me to understand her better. If you like, I can post some recommendations on this thread, or feel free to PM me.

Your post reminds me a lot of her; her favorite word right now is "awkward". She is also very sensitive to odors (metal doorknobs have always smelled like old keys to her - hey, she's right, of course).

At any rate, I wish you all the best with getting an appropriate diagnosis. And don't worry about getting massive prescriptions; only if you have co-morbids would that even come into play.

Peace,

Maggie

...oh, and btw, I've always enjoyed your posts!