Could someone lend me the Big Book of Atheist Doctrine?

[Taxloss]

I've lost my copy. I must have left it at the last Big Meeting Of Atheists, and I'm starting to forget what I should think. So obviously I need to get a new copy soon.

[beam me up scottie]

1. I had mine right next to my

copy of the fundie dictionary, but it's missing now.
Damn cats.

The fundie dictionary has definitions of such terms as these:

"theory of atheism"
"indoctrination into an evolutionist faith"
"high priests of science"
"feminazis"

[Synnical]

6. I thought mine was next to

words by Sagan and Smith and Dawkins and Locke, but it also seems to be missing.

Drats!

In my case, I must not be feeding my pooch enough food!

[beam me up scottie]

7. We're both slackers.

What kind of chicken shit outfit is this anyway?
How are we supposed to take over the world if we can't
even find our Atheist Bibles?

[Taxloss]

16. Rubber-chickenshit, obviously.

You have to remember that we're not trying to take over the world fairly - we're CHEATING.

[beam me up scottie]

17. SEE?

That's what happens when I lose the manual!

I have a neighbor that openly covets my rubber chicken. I no sooner buy another one (at great expense, mind you, because only the first one is free) and it goes missing.

What can we do about the rubber-chicken-coveters?
Stealing our sacred rubber idol as well as our holy book is still a crime, is it not?
What punishment will the dirty RC pervert receive if I turn him in to the authorities?

[Bill McBlueState]

2. Oh, you mean B-BAD?

It's my favorite book. :evilgrin:

[onager]

3. Sorry...

Mine got flushed down a toilet at Gitmo.

Oh no it didn't! NEWSWEEK retracted that story. So it must be right here, where it was all the time.

:evilgrin:

[beam me up scottie]

4. BWAHAHAHAHAHA

:rofl:

[Az]

5. Just checking the EAC records and I don't see you having paid your dues

For at least the last 6 months. As you know after 3 months of not paying dues a homing signal is sent to your official B-BAD and it activates its internal teleporter to return to EAC HQ. As long as you correct this obvious oversite quickly you should find it back on your black altar as soon as matters are rectified. As long as it's before the 1 year mark.

[Taxloss]

8. I'm sorry, I've just been so busy at the abortion clinic.

It completely slipped my mind. I'll pay indulgence, say three "Hail Richards" and persecute a theist. Will that help?

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

12. Throw in five "Our Darwins" and you're set. (nt)

[orleans]

19. lol!

too funny!:rofl:

[Sabriel]

9. The nice thing about athieism is that there IS no book

Lots more freedom that way.

[Beetwasher]

10. It Should Be Written On The Back Of Your Rubber Chicken

Have you checked there yet?

[beam me up scottie]

11. D' oh!

Holy jesus-on-a-trailer-hitch, Batman, you're right!
The old hide-it-on-a-rubber chicken strategy!

[Taxloss]

14. My old copy was elaborately bound in the tooled hide of the rubber chicken

Decadence, dontchaknow.

[progressoid]

13. I was thinking of getting the pocket version for traveling.

Often, I travel through small towns with woefully unprotected churches. And I can never get my vandalisms right. You know, like who gets the bag of flaming feces and who gets the spray painted 666.

Sheesh, I'm so scatterbrained sometimes.

[YankeyMCC]

15. Do you mean this one?

Has the words "DON'T PANIC" in large friendly letters on the cover...

[immoderate]

18. Before you know it....

You'll forget all about methods of immorality!:headbang:

--IMM

[orleans]

20. You can borrow mine

I have two copies. one is a miniature version written on the head of a pin and the other is on the back of a match book. I'm gonna keep the match book because it also says if i can draw Sparky then i will qualify for two free art lessons and a guest pass to the local atheist coffee house where we talk about overthrowing the christian religion, listen to recordings of waves and crickets, and plan various activities such as bible burnings while we sit at small alter-like tables (just for the sake of being sacrilegious)

[rexcat]

21. I will be willing to donate a copy to anyone who wants one...

with the understanding that you will have to tithe 10% or your income (before taxes) to me.

[Taxloss]

22. You're talking about the "Rexcatane" translation of the B-BAD.

It's identical to the Taxlossian version, but in one case you change the word "probably" to "possibly". This means I must unleash 500 years of warfare.

[rexcat]

23. Bring it on Taxloss!

If you unleash 500 years of warfare I will have to bring about 1000 years of plagues and pestilence.