"He's with Jesus now."

[Jokerman]

My father passed away last night. He died quietly in his nursing home bed after several years of declining health and increasing dementia. My sister and I were by his side when he passed. As the nurse was walking out the door she said "He’s with Jesus now." Now I have no doubt that this was offered with the utmost sincerity and I’m sure it can be a great comfort to some people when a loved one has passed. The irony is that it did make us feel better, but not for the intended reasons.

Dad was a devout Methodist when he joined the navy in 1939. By the time he left the service after the Korean War, he had decided that religion no longer had anything to offer him. I never actually heard him use the term Atheist to describe himself but his opinions were abundantly clear.

He was a staunch advocate of religious freedom and the separation of church and state. He had little patience for Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, or anyone else who wore their religion on their sleeve. He had a brief political career that may have suffered from his refusal to attend local church services or to suck up to religious leaders. The small town rumor mill didn't like anyone who couldn't be pigeonholed into their narrow view of the world.

After the nurse said "He’s with Jesus now" and closed the door behind her, I turned to my sister and said, "If Dad IS with Jesus, I’m sure he’s very surprised". Then my sister added, "If Dad is with Jesus, he’s seriously PISSED!."

We had a good laugh, and it did make us feel better.

[beam me up scottie]

1. Oh, man

I am so sorry.
I do appreciate the humor, and I'm sure he would as well.
My sincerest condolences.

~Linda

[Gelliebeans]

2. my condolences

on your loss :hug:

[YankeyMCC]

3. My sympathies...

I know how hard it is to loose a Dad. I lost mine just last December.

And thank you for sharing that story, sounds like he did a nice job raising you and your sister. ;)

[Lars39]

4. My condolences, Jokerman.

Sounds like your dad was a wonderful father. :hug:
To me it's the assumption that everyone believes that can grate the most.

[Warpy]

5. My mother was a lifelong Irish Catholic

who said she was agnostic and firmly believed in reincarnation but attended church weekly until her sight failed and she became nearly housebound from illness. When she was obviously near death, my dad asked her if she wanted the last rites. She said no, she didn't want to die that much of a hypocrite. After he got over the shock, he actually got a giggle out of it. So did I.

If she's with Jesus, she's got him pinned up against a cloud and she's demanding a lot of explanation.

[Jokerman]

6. My mom was an Irish Catholic as well.

She got married at age 18 to a man who turned out to be cruel and abusive. The church, of course, gave her two options: Stay with the abusive asshole, or leave the church. She chose the latter.

Some 40 years later she found a local priest who granted her an annulment and welcomed her back to the church. She never fully forgave the church for what they did and certainly never reconciled her active membership in NARAL with church policy. I like to think that if she is by some chance, with Jesus, she's giving him an earful.

[Jokerman]

7. Thank you all for your condolences.

I don't think many of my dad's friends or relatives would see the humor in this story. Thanks for the sympathetic ears.

[Longhorn]

8. My deepest sympathies.

Thanks for sharing a little bit of your dad and the humor, too. :hug:

[trotsky]

9. Condolences on your loss. Your father sounds like a great man.

Yeah, welcome to life in these Christian United States. If you aren't a Xian, they just assume you are. Glad you were able to turn her thoughtless comment around into a nice memory.

[ismnotwasm]

10. Sorry about your loss

As a nurse, however, I find that comment by to be appallingly unprofessional. I'd be pissed. I never assume anyone's religious affiliation, although I use supportive listening if someone has let me know if they are religious. I certaintly wouldn't tell them "He's slowly degrading back to basic elements now, decompostion takes a little while though" And I wouldn't want to hear about jesus, if one of my loved ones was dying.

[onager]

11. Jokerman, sorry to hear about your Dad.

I'm glad you and your sister were able to get an unintentional laugh out of it, though.

And when I shuffle off this mortal coil, I hope I get someone like ismnotwasm taking care of me.

If some asshat starts bleating about Jesus over my deathbed, I may try to get my gnarly old fingers around his/her throat and take them with me.

Just kidding. Probably.

[Rhiannon12866]

12. I'm so sorry about your Dad. I have lost mine, as well.

I'm glad you have your sister by your side and that you share the same feelings about this. And your comments made me smile. I'm sure that the nurse thought that this would be a comforting thought, and I can think of people I'd much rather not be with than Jesus. By all accounts, he was a very kind man. However, I sure understand your ire, especially at such an emotional moment. But you and your sister knew your Dad best, and it's up to you to decide how best to honor and remember him.:hug:

[shrike]

13. Very unprofessional

And I come from a family of medical people.

I'm sure she felt she was giving you comfort, but that still does not excuse her lapse in professional manner. I'm glad you were able to find some humor in it.

Sitting beside my dad's deathbed was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My sincerest condolences to you and your sister. Sounds like I would have liked your dad. I'm Catholic, but I'm also a staunch advocate of religious freedom and the separation of church and state.

[progressoid]

14. Condolences to you and you family for your loss.