i am a magnet for fundies

[Soylent Brice]

i'm at the gas station this morning, and believe it or not i'm actually pumping gas. i'm just minding my own business, waiting patiently because this particular gas station has really slow pumps for whatever reason, when suddenly i notice someone get out of the back seat of the car adjacent to my left.

he gets out with a little magazine in his hand and walks right up to me. what happened next is beyond comprehension for me. i still have no idea where these fuckers get the courage, or lack of respect and personal space rather, but he spoke anyways...

guy: "hello sir, would you like some literature about the lord, perhaps you have a moment to speak with me?"

me: i perk up with a big smile sending a smile across his face, only to destroy in an instant later with "ABSOLUTELY!! i LOVE fiction!!"

guy: his hopes of peddling his wares obviously destroyed at this point, does a once over on me and says, "i'm sorry?"

me: "oh good, you ARE sorry. that's good. that means you have some sort of remorse for bothering strangers with your bullshit. says a lot about you, perhaps you have your own doubts, no?"

guy: "i, um..." as he turns and heads back to the car from which he came.

the kicker was once he tried to get back into the car he fumbled with the handle, and it appeared the door had somehow accidentally been locked behind him. he looks over his shoulder at me to see if i'm watching him struggle, our eyes meet, and i give a slight chuckle.

i can't begin to explain to you how amusing this whole thing was. i usually fuck up opportunities like this by being rude and missive. this morning i just seemed to be in rare form, perhaps it was my mood. i don't know.

also, the literature he was holding said Watchtower. i wasn't familiar with it so i just googled it and found that it's jehovah's witnesses.

:rofl:

those fuckers are a determined bunch, i tell ya.

[Warpy]

1. I haven't seen any Witlesses for over ten years

because I worked nights and weekends and night nurses are rabid when somebody wakes us up, especially when they're trying to sell Jesus.

They don't cross the street when they get to my house the way the Mormons do.

Once in a while I'll find a piece of church literature stuck into my crime door, but that's the extent of the proselytizing I have to endure these days.

[Soylent Brice]

3. tired nurses are the pitbulls of the working class. loving and cuddly, until you fuck with them.

i lived in Phoenix, AZ for 2 1/2 - 3 yrs. i TOTALLY understand about the Mormon Klan.

i personally haven't seen "witlesses"(:rofl:) since i was about 16. i was raised polish catholic, and my stepdad had the greatest way of dealing with them. he's 6'4", and at the time was about 250lbs.

he would just tell them to go fuck themselves in a deep and ominous tone. it was like watching a bumfight. no matter who wins, they both still lose.

i've had someone sticking shit on the mailboxes in my neighborhood lately also. irritating.

[ZombieHorde]

2. Aweome. I am going to tell my wife this story. She is not a fan of Christianity.

Sometimes we will be in a crowded store together, such as Wal-Mart (I know, I know), and she will loudly proclaim various reasons why she believes Christianity is stupid. Part of me cringes, and part of me loves it.

[Soylent Brice]

4. that's awesome!

i wouldn't be embarrassed in the slightest.

you got a keeper there!!
lol

[ZombieHorde]

5. I told her your story and she loved it. nt

[Soylent Brice]

6. my wife had a slightly different reaction.

she was actually proud of me being clever rather than resorting to cursing and shouting.
:rofl:

glad she enjoyed that. i certainly did. HA!

[sakabatou]

7. LOL

[amyrose2712]

8. Nice.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

9. I live in an east texas shithole town.

People ask you what church you go to, and invite you to their church, cuz that's all they do for a social life.

The last woman that asked me I should have said, "I go to Our Lady of None of Your Goddamned Business".

Being a Jesus freak is what I call the "Socially acceptable psychosis" here.

:banghead;

Still gardening, and playing music and studying Buddhism.

[lazarus]

10. I went through that

I used to manage a retail store (RadioShack) in a small town in rural Alabama. I got very good at deflecting the church question. The store would have shut down had I ever come out as an atheist.

[awoke_in_2003]

11. you godless heathen...

you locked his door when he wasn't looking, didn't ya? :rofl: I had one accost me at a car wash. Tried to be polite, but he wouldn't get the hint- until I threatened to turn the pressure washer on him.

[Soylent Brice]

12. i used my atheistic satan joojoo magic to curse him.

when he goes home, 3 of his 7 wives will have shrunken heads.


in regards to the pressure washer, that would be pretty fucking sweet. those things can sting at close proximity.

[awoke_in_2003]

13. yep, it would...

I told him I was an atheist, and nothing he could say would change it. He just wouldn't listen.