Finding meaning in life?

[Blasphemer]

I hope this is an appropriate post... I've been at DU for several years but have never posted to a group before.

I've been an atheist since about the age of 8 or so. I come from a very religious family so I've always been the black sheep in regards to my lack of religious belief. Because of that fact, I've never been able to turn to the people I am closest to in times of crisis. Their answer to every problem is "God" or "Jesus" (depending on which one I am speaking to). I tend to think that this has contributed to my being a loner who has ultimately pushed away (if only through neglect) every extra-familial relationship I've ever had. I've been struggling recently with the question of life and it's purpose and I find that I don't really have anyone to turn to to help me sort things out. I think I have increasingly disengaged with the world since my teen years and until the past few months I never associated that fact with my fundamental feeling that life is ultimately without meaning. I was hoping for some thoughts (if not advice) from those of you who have found a meaning in life that doesn't have a religious foundation. I don't particularly have an interest in having a family so I don't see myself finding meaning or continuity there. It just seems to me as though life is requiring quite a bit of effort for another 50-60 years (given my family history and assuming no freak accidents) and all the energy I will be putting into it doesn't amount to a hill of beans. Anyway.... I'm hoping someone out there has gone through a similar crisis and gotten through it and can share their experience but any and all thoughts and ideas are welcome of course.

[rrneck]

1. "similar crisis" Every damn day.

The down side to religion these days is not the fact that it is religion. Religion in and of itself is not all bad. In fact, it is probably inevitable among groups of people. The problem nowadays is that reilgion is just a partially digested food product handed to people off the shelf so they don't have to go to the trouble of thinking about the meaning of life. It'll be outsourced to India before long.

The purpose of life is to live it. It is impossible to not make something of our experience every moment of every day. It's what humans do. When we let go of the pre-packaged solutions for directed living and examine our own lives we give them meaning. Like Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living".

Of course it's scary as hell. That's what makes religion in general and franchise religion in particular so popular. Too many people indulge in religion to avoid the responsibility of self awareness. But the scary part is not, to my mind, self reflection. Again, that comes naturally. The scary part is that self reflection can be a lonely trip for a while. To put aside what you have been told and beginning a new path of self examination can leave anyone temporarily rudderless. Look your life over, see what you like, and run with it. I guarantee there is abundant material for you to work with.

At least that's my spin on things. I'm obviously not trained as a writer, but I think I sort of understand where you're coming from. I start every day deciding to make it through another day. I spend a fair amount of time trying to make it worthwhile. I hope this gives you something to chew on.

[Blasphemer]

4. Yes... it is hard when on a lone journey...

and everything around you is telling you that you shouldn't be alone - it's hard not to feel like a weirdo. I will try to embrace the aloneness.

[and-justice-for-all]

2. Life has as much or as little meaning as you want it too...

There are no invisible forces that are going to make your life any better or any worse, it is all up to you. The basic fundamentals of life is of them self, meaningful; but not in a emotional sense. The religious enjoy shoving bronze age dogma and their invisible friends on to ones problems, simple because they themselves are too weak to face reality and want some thing to do it for them.

My life is fine without invisible friends and silly superstitions, I have been in a relationship for almost 15 years now and with out any religion involved. I did for sometime go through a phase where I was really looking for some sort of religion to pursue, simply because I still thought I had too. I went from some xtiandom to agnostic, to Satanism to Wicca and final, only after going through all that, one day I said "this is all bullshit". Then I read the God Delusion and now here I am.

But for the most part, I had always been skeptical and never really religious. My parents never sent me to church or were church people, so I got lucky on that.

There is no need for religion in order to be happy, you just have to want it and then make it so. It helps to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you do not believe in god or jesus or their religion, you have to be bold and unashamed of it. I have no problem with that at all, I will tell anyone that I am an Atheist. I have Atheist bumper stickers on my care, I wear Atheist T-shirts to Wal-Mart and anywhere else without any intimidation. With that boldness to stand out, I have no issues with anyone. Not one fundi nutsack has ever came up to me and said one word.

So, I think your first step should be to first secure in yourself the fact that you are an Atheist. Then, take the steps to make it known, but you first have to be secure and willing to take the nonsense they could through at you. They do not want you to leave the collective and they will say some of the dumbest shit to keep from being yourself. You will feel much better about yourself once you have came out, it is a relief to express that boldly and unashamed.

Get some Atheist literature, read Dan Barkers 'godless', yes..get that book it will make a world of difference to you.

[Blasphemer]

5. Thanks for the book recommendation

I had been planning on getting "The God Delusion" so I will look into "Godless" as well.

I've been pretty honest about being an atheist but definitely not bold. I generally try to avoid religious discussion and will only comment on my lack of belief if asked directly. I will try embracing it more - maybe one day family members will stop putting comments about being blessed by God in my birthday cards.

[and-justice-for-all]

7. Mutual respect is nice...

You do not butcher them for their beliefs and you only ask not be butchered for your lack thereof.

I straight put told several people, even family, since I am not xtian I no longer acknowledge xmass or any other xtian holiday. Birthdays yes, religious holidays, not anymore.

If religion comes up in a conversation, I don't hold back. Silence gets us nowhere. I do not go and make a scene or cause a ruckus, but I do express myself openly on the subject without fear. Sometimes you just have to show that you will not allow them to intimidate you, if you stand up they will just step on you.

I one day I had my fill of it all and said "fuck this", I have no regrets and no one as had the nerve to say anything to my face about it.

So, take your time, go at your own pace and I suggest you read 'godless' first. It seems very fitting for your situation and I think you will connect you Dan Barker.

[ZombieHorde]

3. Pleasure is its own reward. nt

[Blasphemer]

6. That's a tough one for me... hopefully I will be able to fully embrace it someday... nt

[tbyg52]

11. I would add doing something that you consider useful as well.

I have no overarching sense of the meaning of life, and while I don't wish humanity as a whole ill, I don't think much of humanity as a whole, either.

Nevertheless, I am lucky enough to have a job that I enjoy and that I consider useful. Therefore I am usually happy at least eight hours a day.

And I enjoy my little furry friends at home as well, and feel useful due to the fact that every one of them, current and departed, was a pound pup or kitty.

And I give money to organizations that are doing things I consider useful. Many of them give me entertaining reading matter in return, especially the Freedom from Religion Foundation.

I guess the only meaning I can perceive is that we're stuck here, so one might as well try to have a good time and try to make things a little better.

[Blasphemer]

18. I guess that's what it boils down to... doing your best

I suppose my "best" doesn't seem like all that much but maybe it's okay if I'm not capable of very much.

[tbyg52]

20. IMHO

as long as you're not hurting other people or the commons, your best is better than most.

[immoderate]

8. It's really all up to you.

You decide what your life means.

--imm

[Lost-in-FL]

9. I found that not having a purpose in life to be refreshing.

In fact, IMO, this "having a purpose in life" thing is a byproduct of human arrogance, the belief that humans are in a higher hierarchy in the animal kingdom and that we are pre-programed to think that we must excel at something to live a fulfilling life. You should read Dawkins' book. It is an eye opener. Also, if you can get your hands on "Letting go of god" by Julia Sweeney you should. She is hilarious. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtIyx687ytk&fmt=18
Here's a short example of her standup comedy.

Also, check out "The Reason Driven Life: What am I on earth for", a take on Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life" for the non religious. It is a very good book. http://www.amazon.com/Reason-Driven-Life-What-Earth/dp/1591024765

I am pretty comfortable thinking that I don't have a purpose in life. I do as I please and I have no special talents. I am just another human being in this sea of imperfection. So no, you don't have to feel pressured to have a purpose or to believe what everybody else believe. Find that which make you happy or something you love and make it your own project. Sounds simple but it isn't. I am still looking for my own purpose and I feel happy in that search for happiness away from any religious belief. I am now somehow happy with the fact that I am alive and that there are others in a worse situations that I am right now. My driving force is being in the look out for whaever it is outhere for me and my happiness. If there is nothing out there, oh well. In the meanwhile I am trying to enjoy the ups of life and survive the downs.

My way to fight loneliness is by going to school and continue to better myself. I pretty much realized that what exacerbated my state of mind, make me feel depressed and "inadecuate" was that I hated my job. I am back in school and even when i don't have many friends or family around, reading fills me with joy. School is hard after many years of being away from college but it makes me feel happy.

When I realized that there is nothing at the end of my life and that I do not have anything to explain, or feel bad about, a big weight was lifted off my shoulders. I cannot explain it well but I felt joy when this thought came suddenly to my head a day I was at home by myself. It might sound ridiculous but it felt good just knowing that I don't have a purpose and I am my own architect. My family knows about my unbelief but seems they rather not touch the subject (I know they are horrified but I take that they respect my decisions).

I hope not to confuse you. Good luck.

[Blasphemer]

12. hmmm..... thanks for the recommendations

Your epiphany fascinates me - I'd love to feel that weightlessness. Often life feels like such a burden even though I know that many are much worse off than I am.

[Iggo]

10. Eat good food. Listen to good music. Screw anything that moves.

That's the meaning of life.

Get busy.

[progressoid]

13. I know how you feel - been there.

Actually, am there right now. Life's many burdens are weighing down on me. It would be great to be able to turn to some sort of religious dogma to help me through. But I can't give in and shut off that reasoning part of my brain.

I've attended a couple church services recently (out of respect for loved ones, not by desire), and understand how people are drawn to the community and fellowship of it. I know from speaking to some family members that they don't buy all the crap the church is selling but still somehow find comfort in it. Doesn't work for me but there have been times when I wish I could just fit in.

I talked to an atheist who finds help in Buddhism. He's sort of a Lite-Buddhist. Mostly doing the Zen meditation stuff (not the reincarnation or Karma stuff) and some minor life changes (he still drinks the occasional glass of wine with a steak :) ). I've been considering it.

Lately, I've been looking toward art to find peace. It was what motivated me when I was young. Ironically, the art world has some of the same incongruities and illogical aspects as religion. So, like many Xians, I have to overlook that and concentrate on the stuff I can live with. :eyes:

Don't give up, you'll find your way.

[Blasphemer]

16. I did the Buddhist-lite thing many years ago...

but I'm no good at meditation and of course, the reincarnation/karma bit never spoke to me. As a teen, I was heavily into the occult, metaphysics, new-agey stuff which I suppose gave me some solace/sense of meaning, or at least order, but I am well past believing in that sort of thing in any significant way. It also gave me a place where I fit in. Nowadays, no such place exists. I do have a really good friendship with a likeminded individual which at least helps me get through many days but I definitely need to get to a point of reconciliation on order to find peace in this life.

[PassingFair]

14. I have this tacked to my wall beside me...

The pure silliness of it comforts me,
and reminds me that hope, pleasure and
meaning are where you find them.

I am lucky to have had an atheist
father...so his example as a true
humanist and loving father helped
me to be myself.

I have a rabid thirst for knowledge,
and for me, atheism is really about
TRUE acceptance. Acceptance that we
DON'T know what, if anything, lies
beyond our material realm, and being
OK with that.

I can't ever imagine myself believing
that some supernatural being will make
everything all right.

I just try to make the best and well-
informed decisions every day.

Do you have kids?

[tbyg52]

15. I've always been rather fond of this one

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

[Blasphemer]

17. I don't have kids

Single and never married (actually, part of the reason for my crisis is that I once had a feeling of destiny regarding a relationship but it didn't work out which brought me back down to reality, having to confront life and it's potential meaninglessness all over again). I don't think I could have biological children given my lack of acceptance of life in general. Maybe someday down the road I will feel comfortable enough in life that I will adopt.

[PassingFair]

21. I think the idea of "destiny" is mind screwing you.

Bad things happen to good people.
Good things happen to bad people.

You do not control everything, but
you can STEER.

How can you not "accept" life?
You ARE here...there is only
one alternative.

You CAN work through your crisis,
but you must be open to creating
opportunities, or at LEAST SEIZING
them when they appear.

[Blasphemer]

22. Probably true

The process of letting go of what I now know to be false (destiny) has been difficult. As far as acceptance goes, yes I must accept it in that I am here and must live it. I guess what I mean is accepting life as it is versus as I would want it to be (i.e. imbued with natural or universal meaning). Until I can accept that life is worth having even without such things as destiny, I cannot pass life onto another. I'm probably not in the best frame of mind vis-a-vie creating opportunities but I can at least seize upon those that make themselves available and I am slowly but surely trying to do that.

[PassingFair]

23. I have two atheist children that are as happy as can be.

Both girls, both teenagers, both love
each other and love me.

Good luck in weaning yourself off
of the "destiny" thing.

I hope you'll see that there IS
natural meaning, and I THINK,
universal meaning, if you are
very wise and very lucky.

I still DREAD waking up in the
morning and going to WORK --
everything else seems a cake walk,
though.

I wish I could play and read all
day!

[onager]

19. "I will try to embrace the aloneness..."

I seem to be a lot older than you...in fact, if a god existed I would be older than it. I was divorced many years ago and don't have kids either. So I guess I have "embraced the aloneness."

It may be a little easier for me because I was an only child with two (usually) working parents. So I learned early on to be by myself.

And it may also help that I have all the sensitivity of a claw hammer. I just don't spend a lot of time brooding on the fact that I'm alone. Never have.

...it's hard not to feel like a weirdo.

True, especially when some people are fucking rude enough to let you know they think you're a weirdo. Like when they say, "But you're a really nice guy!" I can see them mentally completing that thought: ...just like all those snipers and serial killers on the evening news. LONER!"

Others in the thread have given you some good advice, but I like this old cliche: Living well is the best revenge.