Program Builds Strong Army Marriages

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Program Builds Strong Army Marriages
Army News Service | November 15, 2007

WASHINGTON - Sgt. 1st Class Pernell Mabry's wife Wanda gave birth to twins the day before he deployed to Iraq. Like many other Soldiers, he missed their first Christmas and their first steps, and he didn't know if they would bond with him when he came home. The separation and reunion, he and his wife said, came with many challenges and unexpected adjustments.

The couple joined other Army Reserve couples - officer and noncommissioned officer, newlywed and those married 30 years - at a Strong Bonds weekend in Arlington, Va., Nov. 9-11, for a mini-vacation to strengthen their marriages. As the weekend progressed, most began to sit a little closer, share glances and hold hands.

The Strong Bonds program is a training program run by both active-duty and reserve-component chaplains. It originated in 1999 with the 25th Infantry Division, but has taken off during the war on terrorism, as Army couples needed to maintain or rebuild their friendships and intimacy amid repeated deployment cycles.

"We've seen the Strong Bonds program building strong Families," said Maj. Gen. Douglas L. Carver, the Army's chief of chaplains. "A strong Soldier, as he prepares or even goes to combat, will be strong if his Family's strong. It's based upon building strong communication, strong relationships, maintaining that strong intimacy that couples need to have."

"If for six months, you use the skills you learn this weekend, and it doesn't improve your marriage, call me and I'll take you out for a steak dinner, separately if necessary," Lt. Col. Mark Sachs, deputy staff chaplain for the 99th Regional Readiness Command, told the group. He added that he's facilitated 14 or 15 retreats and has yet to receive a phone call. He has, however, heard from couples who cancelled their appointments with divorce lawyers.

"The core of the program is communication styles, how to communicate well when it counts most, when you have something very sensitive to talk about or when the topic is risky or a high-emotional topic," said Chaplain Sachs. "We teach our participants about communication patterns that are toxic to a marriage, how to avoid them and what to do when you find yourself in one of those patterns. We talk about problem-solving or conflict-management, how to approach things that you differ on and come to conclusions, solutions, that are a productive way to represent what both husband and wife want.


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