A funny thing happened at church yesterday

[American liberal]

I took my mom to church yesterday, a rarity for both of us. It's a unique church, though: Unitarian, committed to peace, nonviolence, and to ending racism and other forms of oppression. The minister is an atheist.

Before the service, they have a speaker conduct an open forum in the refreshment room downstairs. Yesterday's forum was conducted by a white guy (I mention race only because it's relevant to the story) who is the executive director for a faith-based local org. committed to ending racism in this society. He gave a good presentation. It was mostly about initiatives enacted by several states in the November election curtailing rights for immigrants. He named names and talked about specific ballot initiatives his org. worked to defeat. It was very interesting. I'm glad I went.

Then we get to the Q&A period. There were about 25-35 people in attendance, mostly older white liberals. Besides me, there was only one other person of color there.

People were making their comments, time was winding down. In the last 10 minutes I decided to ask a question about what we can do to mobilize the fractious left. I raised my hand to be recognized. The speaker identified an elderly lady up front, me, then a big, fat, white guy at the back in that order to speak.

The lady asked her question and the speaker replied. Just as I was preparing to speak, the guy in back jumped in and blustered on and on about what I don't even know. I just sat there fuming. By the time they shut him up we were out of time. I was so pissed, I refused to be silenced, my original question long forgotton:

"Excuse me," I said, "But I find it very interesting that these two white men are sitting here talking about multiculturalism, while my voice, one of the only people of color in attendance, was stifled. ... And so it continues." And I got up with my mom and went up to hear what turned out to be an AWESOME sermon in honor of Martin Luther King Jr.

In closing, I recognize the incident as not only a white male thing, but also a male-female thing. In my experiences and in my studies in human communication, I have found that guys are generally more aggressive speakers in group settings and are more likely to speak over other people, whereas women are more likely to wait their turn (which is exactly what I did and when the guy butted in on my turn I just sat there, rather than interrupt HIM).

I just found it to be an interesting dynamic in communications. I couldn't help but wish that the blustery guy who butt in on my turn felt really small when I called him on his crap.

Peace,
AL

[msgadget]

1. Very interesting considering where you are and the compassionalte

topics on the table. It had to be a male/female, black/white, newcomer/oldtimer thing but still frustrating. Wouldn't you think they'd welcome diversity in a Unitarian meeting, especially when the topic was about people of color? (this is where I begin to chuckle inappropriately, it's just a tad ironic!)

I'm glad you had your wits about you. Usually I'm too dumbfounded to respond appropriately.

Did anyone come up to you and ask how you enjoyed your visit? Will you be going back to that church, Am Lib?

[kwassa]

2. I think you did the right thing, sounds like the guy was just a jerk

and may not have anything to do with gender or race, he might just be a jerk. Or oblivious.