You just might be a bigot if…

[jmm]

…you’ve ever wanted to touch someone’s hair because it’s “strange” or “different”
…some of your best friends are…
…you feel the need to initiate a conversation about how you can’t be prejudiced
…you have a tendency to whisper or emphasize someone’s ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation in a conversation
…you’ve ever expected someone to be a credit to or a spokesman for “their” people
…you find yourself telling people from minority groups how articulate they are
…you see nothing wrong with “positive” prejudices such as they’re great at math, athletics, entertainment, martial arts, etc
…you think some children are too young to learn about them and their lifestyles, religious beliefs, and/or customs
…you don’t have a problem with them, you just don’t want them to influence, display their culture and/or lifestyle around, or try to date you and those close to you
…upon meeting someone or a different religion, ethnicity, or sexual orientation you feel the need to start telling them about everybody you ever met from a background that you perceive as similar to theirs and/or everything you like about “their” people
…you’ve ever excused your use of the “n” word by saying that you didn‘t mean it like that. Besides, it really just means an ignorant person and if black people can say it you should be able to too.
…you’ve ever said or thought somebody acted white, black, straight, etc
…you don’t believe discrimination is still a problem in our society
…your defense of someone else’s prejudices (ex. Back in their day everybody thought/felt that :eyes: ) overrides your concern for the people being discriminated against

This post is inspired by a “fun” work meeting I attended today. I originally wrote this as a myspace rant but figured posting there about work related stuff isn’t such a good idea so I’ll probably rewrite this this weekend but for now I figured this forum could relate.

I twisted my hair a few days ago and put it in cornrows this morning. A few people have liked the look. Some a little too much. I had to go to a meeting attended by people from every department and since I forgot my glasses I sat in the front row. I got there a bit early and as everyone was coming in two women sitting behind me simultaneously grabbed my hair while asking how it was done and commenting how strange it was. I pulled my head forward and one asked, “Do you mind if we touch it?” The other replied, “It’s too late now we didn’t asked her first.” I told them, ”If you had I’ve would’ve let you know that groping people you barely know isn’t a good idea.“ I don’t think they got it and I’m sure they don’t think they did anything wrong but they did leave me alone after that.

[Catherine Vincent]

1. Very good. Did you write that?

And of course, some of that apply to everyone. This one hit home with me:

"…you’ve ever said or thought somebody acted white, black, straight, etc"

I was lying in bed last night watching Leno and he showed a clip of a weatherman from Florida and was freaked out by a roach that crawled on his leg. It was really funny (there is a thread in the lounge with the video about that). It had me in stitches. I thought to myself "that guy is so gay!" I would never say that in mixed company but it did cross my mind the way he was acting. But the truth is he was acting like some teenage girl screaming like that. It was too funny.

[jmm]

2. Thanks! I did write it.

I agree that some of it applies to everyone. My main concern when I wrote this was the people that refuse to examine themselves and see how their thoughts and actions could be offensive like those during the recent "tar baby" controversies that thought anybody who complained was over reacting and was wrong for not embracing the term.

[wildeyed]

3. What is that whispering thing about?

Is it that they know that what they are saying is wrong, but whispering makes it less so?

[nini]

4. I'll admit I did the hair thing once - not touching but looking closer

to a guy who I knew for years at work. He did the coolest thing with his hair - it looked like mounds of braids (I'm a dork and don't know how to describe it - braids twisted into small knots that stayed close to his scalp). As I was telling him I liked the new look I looked up closer - it pissed him off. I felt like crap. :-(

[jmm]

10. I do think

the fact that you felt bad says alot about your character. Most of the actions on this list are so common place that sometimes we forget the effect they can have. It's one thing to accidentally offend someone, it's another to continually treat them in a manner which makes them feel marginalized while refusing to look at ones own behavior.

Sometime when people are doing the whisper thing I'll do it to just to mess with them. It's funny seeing how many people get angry when I start talking about the helpful whiteman at my job who is heterosexual but I don't know if I want to go to his house for dinner because he and his wife are Christian and you know how "those people" are but refuse to acknowledge that there could possibly be anything wrong with what they did.

[nini]

11. I'll be honest.. I didn't realize it at the time

I never would have done that had I realized it was in any way insulting to him. I used to have really long hair and people were touching it and playing with it all the time. Sometimes it bugged me and sometimes it didn't - the times it did should have clued me in that others would feel the same. The guy in the incident was good - we talked about it and he knew I was just being a bit on the dumb side at that moment. He laughs now that my grandson is half Black and teases me about playing with his hair :-)

I hate those whisperers too - good job on going after them. :thumbsup:

[bliss_eternal]

5. Wow, what a great list!

Well done! :applause: Thank you for sharing this with us! These are ALL absolutely true and so very telling!

Other areas that I've found says the same (Bigot):

1. People that won't look at you or acknowledge your presence in any way and it is very obvious--like they are going out of their way to NOT look at you. As if they would like to say,"...I refuse to acknowledge your existence."

This one really comes into play for me when with my dh. If someone will look at, talk to and acknowledge him but not me--I know we have a problem. Same goes for him though. If we are with someone that is all over me, but refuses to acknowledge him, I know this person has a problem.

I was having a great conversation with a guy one day. Had mentioned I was meeting my dh and everything. As soon as my tall, strawberry blonde husband showed up the man got a look of outrage on his face, abruptly cut our conversation short and walked away.

2. (Sometimes) people that easily confuse people of the same race are the same person. I say somtimes because I realize some people just aren't good at recognizing people or the characteristics that make one different from another. But I also know there ARE bigots that think any latina in the media is Eva Longoria or J-lo. :eyes:

What still suprises me is the assumptions people make about race based on...well, I don't know what. :shrug: Maybe knowing one asian or none and just assuming characteristics about people based on their race/ethnicity.

The first few gifts I recieved from my mil had an "ethnic theme." She assumed, based on my race that of course, I HAD TO like this--don't all people of our race? :wtf: I was gracious and accepted her gifts and thankful of course, but when dh and I noticed the theme continued he put the brakes on it. The sad thing is, she didn't have a clue what to offer in terms of a gift if not doing so based on race.

I used to get really angry and hurt about it. Now, I just think it's sad. That some are so limited in their thinking and can't be bothered to expand on that by...oh, I don't know...trying to get to know someone and asking what they like to do, etc. :eyes: Hell, she was old and white, should I just assume she's into Geritol? :P

[jmm]

9. One of my earliest memories is of

playing with a little white boy at a park on a beach when I was four. Our mothers were sitting at opposite sides of the park. At one point his mom came up to us to say she was ready to take him to the arcade across the street and asked if I wanted to come with them. I asked my mom and she said ok but he started insisting I couldn't have a white mom. His mom even asked if I was adopted and when I said no they started to walk away quickly.

It confused me then but I figured that they were the ones with the problem not me so it didn't bother me too much. At that age he had to have learned to act like that at home so I feel sorry for that boy.

[bliss_eternal]

13. Wow--what an odd reaction.

I'm sorry that happened to you, but glad that you understood, even at that age that THEY were the ones with the problem. Isn't it funny how many people may seem "ok" with a family of one ethnicity, but you introduce another they freak out?

I've never understood why some just seem to freak out at the idea that people of other races and ethnicities have sex...with each other. Why that is such a harsh reality for some, even today...?

:hi:

[Catherine Vincent]

6. Is this poster a bigot?

"When my son was born he was really dark complected. I'm very fair skinned {most of the time}, so seeing a baby come out of my body looking so dark {and with very dark hair} alarmed me (shock smiley face). My husband looked upset for a few minutes until the nurse explained some babies come out rather dark and they lighten up in a few days time. My son is blonde/blue-eyed and very fair skinned today, just like mom.(smiley face)"

I copied this from another website. The discussion was about an english couple giving birth to twins...one black and one white. That is why she brought this little story up.

She may not be a bigot but for her to be that alarmed because her baby was dark, is kind of sad. There are very dark caucasians. She made it seem like there is no way that could be her baby because it was so dark coming out of her precious white body.:eyes: Is it normal for some whites to have dark babies and then lighten up afterwards? I could understand why the dad would be upset (he thinks it wouldn't be his).

[bliss_eternal]

7. Yikes...that's a scary post.

I would think one's first thoughts would be on the level of,"...got all the fingers, toes--is there a mouth, eyes?" You know, making sure the baby is well, healthy and all the limbs and parts are functional and healthy--not how "dark" or "light" their baby is. :eyes:

Yuck!

I guess it would be alarming if she's a closet Aryan, and married a blonde haired, blue eyed man because her ultimate desire was blonde haired, blue eyed children that look just like both of them. :eyes:

[jmm]

8. I agree, the alarm is sad.

I have a coworker who was brought the wrong baby after she gave birth to her first daughter. The nurse tried to tell her that babies are often born with different complexions than their parents. She screamed that she knew that and that she has a white grandmother so she knows that she could have a child that color but that child wasn't hers. Her mother was a nurse at the hospital and was able to straighten out the situation and get her the correct baby.

I could understand if they feared it wasn't their baby but that couple seems disappointed his appearance and not his paternity.

[msgadget]

12. I'm SO sorry I just saw this so late

good list, jmm!

[jeffrey_X]

14. great post!

nm

[Brewman_Jax]

15. You might be a bigot if...

all of the problems that minority individuals have to deal with are from classism, and race has nothing to do with anything.

:grr:

[bliss_eternal]

16. Don't you just love discussions about

reverse racism, classism and my personal favorite--meritocracy. :eyes::banghead:

[SemperEadem]

18. that's not the topic of discussion

try to keep up

[Brewman_Jax]

19. Please clarify

and try being more timely.

[SemperEadem]

17. a great riposte

you write: "“Do you mind if we touch it?” "

reply: "Do you mind if I grab your crotch/boob/butt?"

same difference--it's my body and only I say who can touch any part of it.

[Kerrytravelers]

20. Huh?

Is this some sub-topic or am I in severe need of some reading comprehension?




And, on the orginal subject: Great. Well written and so very true. I'm never afraid to examine a piece of myself.