For most of my life, I thought I disliked people.

[Avalux]

I had an epiphany today - or an awakening - whatever you want to call it. I realized it's not that I dislike people, it's exactly the opposite; I am just way too sensitive and am afraid of being hurt and disappointed. I guess I've thought it's easier for me to just say I don't like people and live a guarded life.

So here's what I did today (something I wouldn't have done even a year ago)...

I took my co-worker to lunch. We started our jobs on the same day; she left her family and is alone in a new city living in a hotel, her 13 year old daughter cries for her to come home every day. She is Chinese and had mentioned she wanted to find some real Chinese food so I invited her out, drove her to one of my favorite places and we had a great time. Where before I might have shied away from getting to know this woman, I embraced it and found it wonderful.

I'm not sure why exactly I have had a change in my way of thinking but I like it. I am going to continue reaching out to people and although I know some may not be responsive, I am no longer afraid to try.

:hi:

[Celebration]

1. Hi!

:hi:

Good for you!! You will not only enrich your own life, but the lives of others around you. I am sure your coworker appreciated it, and you made a new friend. Win, win.

[Avalux]

11. Yes, I did!

It was a win/win - I allowed myself to enjoy getting to know someone and maybe she doesn't feel so lonely now. :hi:

[I Have A Dream]

2. What a wonderful story, Avalux! I can absolutely relate to your feelings.

I also am extremely sensitive in the same way that you are. Congratulations for having the courage to reach out to someone who could really use a friend.

I'm very glad that you've also started to reach out here in this group. (...since you truly are one of us whether you post or not. :D)

:grouphug:

:hi:

[Avalux]

13. I am not sure what's going on with me.

I am not the same person I was just a few months ago. Thanks for your encouragement; I will continue to post here when I am able to do so. :hug:

How is Rick doing?

[I Have A Dream]

15. I haven't heard anything more, Avalux.

We'll hopefully have more information soon.

[get the red out]

3. I absolutely empathize!

Avalux, I came to the same realization some time ago, I thought I despised people and would have told anyone that who asked. In reality I simply don't know how to get close to them, and had been burned many times in the past when I did. I was just about the most introverted, socially awkward person imaginable growing up, and was a favorite bullying target in school, and as an adult my default assumption is that if you know me you won't like me so I will just hate you first. After a lot of self-work I realize that I really love people, I love all their myriad of differences, and I thrive in diversity.

You did a wonderful thing for this lady and yourself. Taking initiative like this is a hard thing for me, as an introvert and someone who is sensitive. I am so glad it was a good experience for you. When I have experiences like you had I absolutely know they are gifts, maybe that is actually a bonus for people like us, to know that making a friend is a gift from the Universe.

[I Have A Dream]

4. "Making a friend is a gift from the Universe"...

:thumbsup:

I'm so sorry that you were bullied, gtro. :( :hug:

[get the red out]

7. It was a long time ago

And compared to my best childhood friend and neighbor the crap I took for being a homely, frizzy-haired, geeky girl with twitches was nothing. He was gay in Appalachia, and the nasty people at school figured it out long before he did. He shouldn't have emerged from how they treated him sane, and he's one of the most normal and good human beings I know; which has always shown me something about a person's "soul" being much more than something systematically programmed by their current-life experience.

[Avalux]

14. Isn't it wonderful to finally realize it?

I too have been terribly introverted and socially awkward; it was so much easier to just stay within myself. I'm tired of being that way; tired of self-doubt and worry about what might happen. I am happy and I'm looking forward to more experiences like yesterday. The Universe has smiled on me and bonked me on the head! :hi:

[get the red out]

21. Yes!

I accept that I will always be who I am, an introvert that doesn't always think along the same lines as everyone else and doesn't catch all the social cues; but that doesn't make me bad. I have had to start some serious work on my self-talk lately. Not being just like other people in ways like this doesn't mean we have to hid any more than any other trait that is less common in the world. I am just starting to learn this.

It's all a journey! :fistbump:

[Kind of Blue]

5. I know what you mean, Avalux.

:hi: It is really hard growing up as a very sensitive person. OMG, the number of times I've been told "you're too f---ing happy," does eat away at the spirit. Luckily, if we really want it, the Universe does lead to epiphany like yours or people who really teach how to protect and remain true to spirit. And how wonderful that it leads to many more connections to like-minded people!

Your story is so cool and thank you for sharing it :hug:

[Avalux]

16. I wanted to share it -

I spend a lot of time reading this forum and I know it's helped me get where I am spiritually and cosmically. I was ready for the epiphany and it happened! :hi:

[lildreamer316]

18. OMG

"You're to F'n happy"...almost a LOL, sorry. I wasn't told that exactly, I just was called naieve and Pollyanna, etc.
Funny, husband and I had a similar discussion the other day, and I've come to realize something..every man in my life has been here to protect me. Now, I don't mean in a paternalistic control kind of way that some men do; I mean in a protect-my-soul kind of way. We surmised that this was so I could stay who I am and not lose the light. It made me feel a bit childish, but grateful. I'm jealous of those of you who don't need others to protect them. I guess I'm sensitive but almost too outgoing; so I could potentially get myself into situations that are not healthy. Hmmm.

I'm glad the OP gets to experience the joy of other people.

[Kind of Blue]

19. Isn't that a trip! Don't forget rose-colored glasses

:rofl: :rofl: That was another dreaded statement.

It's almost like it doesn't matter how we start off (extroverts or introverts), something(s) happen along the way that erodes spirit. I think it's important what you said about the protection. A good friend use to tell me, "You have to learn how to guard your soul." After my NDE, I realized how important the soul really is, then guarded it too much and became so introverted.

Finally reaching a balance and allowing that old adventurous fun loving self out! It feels so good to be yourself, knowing and learning how to protect the treasures that we are again.

[Why Syzygy]

6. That's funny.

Even though I've always been an introvert, I always liked "everyone". Universal "love" for all individuals used to come naturally to me. (Never liked groups.) That all changed a couple of years ago, and I've only recently started saying I don't like people. Guess I do things backwards.

[northernlights]

8. me too, WS!

It's only in recent years that I've totally given up on the mass of people after trying so hard to reach out to them.

Working at Subway, I'm sorry to say, is *really* helping me with that. I'm ready to live the life of a hermit for a good long time...:D

[Kind of Blue]

9. That is funny! I've been venturing out of my cave

(literally and figurativly) for the past year. It really is a comforting and nurturing place, nice and cozy to rebuild the spirit :thumbsup: Enjoy it!

[Fire Walk With Me]

10. "When the diagnosis is correct, the healing will begin." -Jung

Your epiphany is quite similar to what I found on one of Sonia Choquette's "Ask Your Guides" divination cards. Something to the effect of "you are angry at your own sensitivity, vulnerability, and mistakes and take it out on others through lashing out." Definitely me, although you sound like you're far higher along the ladder of getting to enjoy the company of others. Bravo, and may it be a commonplace experience for you from now on!

[I Have A Dream]

12. I never heard that quotation before. It's wonderful!

Thanks, FWWM. :)

[Avalux]

17. I love the quote.

I'm going to try to explain this the best way I know how...

I don't feel as if anyone can 'injure' me anymore. I am secure within myself and almost feel detached in a strange way. So the experience of meeting someone new and getting to know them no longer poses a risk to me. It doesn't me I'm insensitive or unable to feel strong emotions, I just don't feel scared about it.

Hope that makes sense! :hi:

[Myrina]

20. I have experienced something very similar.

I was at a company for 8 years and by the time I left in 2007, looked at most of my co-workers (and other folks I had to deal with day-to-day) as absolute morons. Over the last 2 years, I worked at a different company with some truly mean and stupid people, and got frustrated and depressed to the point that I walked off that job with nothing but the thought that "there's got to be something better than this". Now I'm seeing a therapist and taking WellButrin, which has taken alot of the edge off of my moods/anxiousness.

3 months ago, I was invited back to my original company and am looking at it thru an entirely different prism: I realize that alot of people here - who have 15, 20 years experience - aren't here because they're "lifers", they're here because they know wtf they're doing! Many folks have welcomed me back with hugs, emails, etc; and it has really given me pause to stop and assess my dealings with people.

I've been very quick to label and dismiss folks who didn't "meet my standards" and never took people on a case-by-case basis, getting to know them as the individual they are. Probably also because I was very afraid of rejection, having felt it many times between the ages of 10 - 40, I tended to surround myself with a small circle of 'pointy headed liberals and arsty fartsy people' who's opinions/lifestyles didn't threaten my worldview, and in doing this, walled myself off from some probably very cool people/experiences.

I can't say I'm as brave as you, reaching out to someone I barely know; but I am making an extra effort to re-connect with old acquaintances and get involved in neighborhood and work-related activities (softball league etc).

:hug: