|
Edited on Wed Aug-05-09 12:07 PM by northernlights
We've discussed stalking our emotions many times in here. Watching our reactions, learning where they come from, why we respond to different people and events the way we do.
I remember from the Castaneda series, that Don Juan Matus talked about stalking our emotions, but he also talked about a different side to stalking...kind of stalking in the outer world. Learning to be invisible when needed. To blend with the surroundings. Or to be perceived in one way over here, and a different way in another situation.
This stalking is another one that has taken me a loooong time to learn. And I realized in the last couple weeks that this has been a chance for me to test my stalking skills. They've reached a new level, just in time. I think it's because we're "at war." Class war, political war, civil war, war-war. I was a healer, not a warrior. I've needed to learn warrior skills.
In the last 7 years, a couple times when I applied for jobs I really wanted, I came close. I dressed just the right way, but in the interview invariably I would say something to 'blow it.' No synchronicity came to my rescue; back to the drawing board.
But in the past couple weeks, I've 'been' several different people, sometimes one right after the other.
Yesterday, a woman about my age came in. She smiled and seemed pleasant. We were equals. I accidentally messed up her roll -- forgot it was already cut and cut it a 2nd time. Ooops. Turned to get a 2nd roll, and when I turned back her demeanor had changed. She started to get bitchy. I felt zero fear or insecurity...absolutely NEW to me with bitchy women. I normally fear bitchy women. Or at least I used to. Her bitchiness just passed right through me. :D I looked her sharply in the eye and imperceptibly slowed down. She got the message immediately -- take that attitude with me and you'll be waiting a loooooong time for your sandwich, bwahahaha! We were still equals. :D In the meantime, a young colleague had joined me to make her 2nd sandwich. The customer turned to her and started the bitch routine. "Whaddya mean what do I want on the BLT?! It's a BLT, it gets LETTUCE and TOMATO!" I watched as the young girl fell into trying to please, stammered that sometimes people want other veggies too, and nervously raced to finish the sandwich. The bitch continued the bitch routine with her, while ignoring me. I was not quite invisible and she was actually a little nervous of me. She left. Apparently she's been in before, because another young woman who works there recognized her. I asked if she was always this way, or was she just having a bad day. She's always this way. Then I turned to her "victim" and explained, "She has a miserable life. and if she's not having a miserable life yet...she will!" I feel good not only about my own progress, but I was able to demonstrate it to the young woman.
At the Subway, I'm about 5 years older, maybe 10. In the job interview at both Subway and at Dunkin' Donuts, I was older -- a little tired and a little desperate. Hair in pony tail, wearing neat white slacks and polo shirt. The visor accentuates the bags under my eyes, making them darker. I sat on and broke my funky plastic reading glasses, so now am wearing wire rims. I sat on them too, and bent them, so they sit crooked on my nose. And they aren't half glasses, so I have a hard time seeing over them. They make my eyes ginormous. I look like a pathetic old lady. The hiring managers were compassionate and took me in.
On the other hand, in the interview at the financial company, I was several years younger than I am, slick...but not too slick. Well-dressed and put together, but not too well dressed. For example, no jewelry, hair in french twist but with some loose curls. Reading glasses perched on top of my head like shades, pulled down only to quickly scan anything they hand me and then back up they go. The direct manager is working class in accent, dress and demeanor. I became working class and comfortable, totally non-threatening to her. The next manager I met with is mid-upper class -- maybe son of professional? Well-educated, traveled. As we shook hands, I became a near-cougar. I normally do this best in phone interviews, but I've reached an age where there was just enough distance between us that it works. I just became very experienced and very cool. Same thing in the phone interview. Comfortable in my skin, able to drop just the right terms in the right moment.
I feel like I'm getting the hang of the other side of stalking...I'm becoming more of a warrior.
|