Just need some comfort...

[Digit]

I thought I would post this as a thread for those on this wonderful community who have things going on and need some virtual hugs.

I just received a phone call from my step mother that my father is back in the hospital with pneumonia. He was in a few months ago when his lungs collapsed for unknown reasons. He was close to death at that time and was put on a respirator.
He has not wanted to speak with me or anyone else since that time.
My step mother said he has given up. Maybe it is his time, I don't know. It is hard to keep perspective.

I hope this is not a burden hearing this....I have no other real friends to share this with and I needed to share.
I realize others have more severe burdens than this, and this is not meant to take away from that.
Quick hug, and I will deal with it.
Oh, my mother had died from pneumonia in 1998 and that is what stresses me.
Thanks for listening.

[NMDemDist2]

1. here's a hug from AZ for you

:hug:

my dad died last October and he didn't want to see me either

some wounds go deep, hang in there and do something nice for yourself. give him some love over the ether, it will make you feel better

just remember it's not death it's just moving to the next plane. doesn't make us miss them less, but it's not the end, only another stop on the wheel

:hug:

[jrthin]

2. (((((((HUG)))))))

Hang in there kiddo. :grouphug:

[Digit]

3. Bless you all.....it has been a trying time for me.

Just these virtual hugs mean the world to me.
Funny thing was, I answered the phone saying, "booger", thinking it was my daughter calling back. That took some "splain'ng to do"
Poor Rosalind sounded relieved (my stepmother), since she is in so much pain herself from something having to do with her gallbladder and pancreas and enzymes. They finally put her on percoset which she says still doesn't get to the pain. This strong woman has been waiting on my father day after day through her pain.
My father meanwhile before this episode, was waiting on her.
Now she has to do it all.
I told her on the phone that I did not appreciate her all the years while my mother was still alive out of respect for my mother. She understood.
I let her know she was one awesome lady and I respected her strength and for who she was. I told her I wished I had known more about her early on.
Rosalind, this is for you....you are an awesome individual and I love you.
Signing off,

[Nancy Waterman]

4. Digit - big HUGE for you!!!!

{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}
Can you go there and visit? It might be a good thing for you to do if you can manage it. We are all thinking of you.

[Digit]

5. I thought I would check in one more time.

I am thinking about it.
I have the parrot to think of...it is expensive to board her.
My credit card is maxed with me being unemployed.
I am hoping the universe will show me a way.
I would like to go to him.

[Desertrose]

6. So sorry to hear about your dad, digit

I lost my dad 10 years ago last month. He was on the east coast & I'm in the SW. He had Alzheimers for the previous 8 years and had gotten worse the past few months but it was pneumonia that finally got to him.....I wished I could have gone back but there just wasn't time.

I don't know how far you are from your dad, but my sense is...if there is a way you can get there and you WANT to go...then I really hope it works out for you. I'm sure he'd be glad to see you to say goodbye.

What I did with my Dad was, I made it a point to go to him in dreamtime. I gave myself the suggestion before I went to sleep that I would meet up with him & we could "visit" and say goodbye. I called in my angels & guides and his and told him I loved him and forgave him for the things I needed to let go of and asked his forgiveness for any hurts I may have caused him. Told him if he was ready, then it was OK to just let go of that worn out body and be free. I kept a white candle lit for him too.

Wish I could do more than send :hug: but I hope that helps...you are not alone and I feel your dad loves you very much. :hug: Feels like he is very tired and ready to move on but also hates to leave all those he loves....:grouphug: to everyone.

:loveya:DR

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. You may want to find a friend to take care of the bird

I have three and I fully understand... they do get attached to us humans, and yes they are expensive (if culdly and at times monstrous and noisy) kids to take care off

[LiberalEsto]

18. You are extremely blessed

to have such a stepmother. I'm glad you appreciate her. I hope all goes well for all of you. Hugs and blessings to you.


My wicked stepmother whisked my dad - semi-paralyzed by a stroke - off to Florida, hounded him for weeks in the hospital to change his will in her favor, and wouldn't let me or my brother talk to him.
As soon as he signed over the property deeds and the will, she stuck him in a nursing home to die. I found out from a family friend who happened to be in Florida that he was dying, and managed to track down the nursing home and at least speak to him before he died. I begged the nursing home to call me when Dad passed away, and they did. I was unable to go because I couldn't afford a plane ticket and had two kids under age 5 sick with the flu.
Later that day one of her vicious daughters called to tell me that my dad was dead, "and by the way, you and your brother aren't getting a penny because you were such rotten kids and my mother slaved to care for him." (a lie) I hung up on her, absolutely astonished at the level to which people can sink.
They never notified me of funeral arrangements. I found out from the friend and the nursing home that he was cremated, and that the bitch threw his ashes into the ocean. No funeral or memorial service. This woman married my dad with $300,000 in the bank from cleaning out her first husband, who wound up living in a trailer.
My dad didn't have a lot to leave so I can't understand why she was so sneaky and evil about grabbing every penny of his. A sick woman.

Sorry, your post brought up memories and I think I needed to vent. This happened in 1988 and it still hurts.

[LWolf]

7. Go, Digit, if you can find a way.

:grouphug:

I hear you.

He may not want to speak to anyone, but that doesn't mean that you can't be quietly there. You will feel better if you do, and it may mean something to him, as well.

I'm currently selling, packing, and preparing a permanent move to be closer to my mom. I'm finishing out a contract, and taking a 25% paycut to make the move. In the midst of this she's had major emergency surgery, and I'm paying for caretakers until I get there, so I'm trying to speed up the whole process.

[Cerridwen]

8. BIG {{{{{{{{{{ HUG }}}}}}}}

I don't know the first thing about parrots but, if you're anywhere near Vegas (your profile doesn't say), I'll be more than happy to board her for you while you follow your heart. I follow directions well and I seem to have an affinity for many animals, perhaps even parrots? :D

Regardless, I wish you luck and healing during this challenging time.

:hug: :hug:

[saracat]

9. Big Hug! I had a sick Dad and I know what this is like!

He also was on a respirator. Be kind to yourself.:hug:

[nadinbrzezinski]

10. Here you go kid, HUGS

[Quakerfriend]

12. So sorry to hear about your Dad, digit

Things sure seem to happen all at once!
:hug:

It would be so good if you could go to be with your dad. Even though you dad says he doesn't want to see anyone, I know it would be helpful to your step mom and to you, too.

And, without the job to tie you down...perhaps it's the thing you should do now.

I'm near Philly if you need a sitter for your feathered friend just pm me!

Please, know that we're all with you!
O8)

[purduejake]

13. Here's a big *HUG* from Indiana...

Hang in there. You certainly are NOT burdening us by talking about something on your mind. We like helping, and that's why we are here.

Also, one thing that I learned from my years of counseling is that you should never ever compare your situation to others... it will always make you feel inferior when the fact is that you are truly unique and your suffering is just as valid as anybody else's.

It sounds like you have a lot of other stuff on your plate besides this and although I am lucky enough to have a healthy family at this time, I understand the financial difficulties - you're not alone.

Keep visiting us and we'll get through it together =)

[Digit]

14. I have kind of a metaphysical question.

Or at least I think it is.
I knew a woman years ago where everything kept going wrong for her.
I mean, it manifested itself in every area of her life.
At the time, I led what I thought was a rather charmed life. Everyting I did turned out well, I seemed to attract "good luck".

Would this be due to needing attention, being angry at yourself and punishing yourself, bad karma, or what?

I always considered myself somewhat enlightened, so I am trying to see what is behind it all.
I have been asking for any guides to show me the way as I go to sleep. I am meditating and asking for healing as I head off to dreamland as well.

My belief has always been that sometimes there is a lesson you are not learning, so you keep getting hit over the head until you pay attention. Is this it?

btw...my dad's fever is down, so I am told. Good news for now.

[Cleita]

15. Big hug here.

:hug:

I don't know what to say otherwise. I'm a stepmother too, but my stepdaughter was very much involved when my husband was sick and eventually died. I hope it all works out for you.

:hug:

[ninkasi]

16. A big hug from me...

Sometimes, when people know the end is near, they can't bear to see the people who love them in pain. If you can go to him, do so. I think it would mean a lot to both of you.

I'm glad that your stepmother is able to deal with this most difficult of situations, but maybe you could be a help to her, too. My former husband passed in early September, and my children, three, and all grown, and his wife, were all wonderful at easing his transition.

Right now you are fragile, and need hugs. My hug need not be a quick one, but a long, strong one, and do not worry about placing burdens on any of us. We are here for each other, and as one who has lost many beloved family members, I know what you're gong through.

As a fellow human, I owe it to you to try to ease your pain, and offer you encouragement. This world would not be in the shape it is, if more of us realize that. I send my loving thoughts, and will light a candle for you and your dad. Bless you in this time, and here's another big hug for you.

Ninkasi

[Pallas180]

17. DIGIT, even though your Dad says not to, Go and be there - you

will never regret it.

Sometimes people put on a gruff act, but are very happy to see you, and it may even perk him up.

It gives you and him a chance to make peace with each other.

[ninkasi]

19. I agree...

My former husband tried to keep our children from visiting him because he was in such fragile shape, but they all told me that when they did go be with him, they could tell he was glad.

Your father is trying to spare you, possibly, which is a parent's first instinct. Go, if there is any way possible, and give your father the hugs you know he needs.

In the meantime, there is a large, loving, community here who is willing to give you a shoulder to lean on, or an ear to listen. My thoughts are with your dad and you, and may you both find peace in his transition from this life to the next.

My dad was always a very stern, unemotional, non-demonstritive person. At the end, though, when I was called to ER because he had had a heart attack...this man who had never called me by a pet name, never given me a hug, but only presented a cheek for me to kiss...told me this..."I never was very much in life, I never earned much money, but I had the best wife, (my mother had died in 1963, and he had never remaried), and I have the best kids in the world. I consider myself a rich man."

So, this man who was always reserved, and an emigma to me, opened up at the end of his life. He died the next day. I can not, obviously, foresee what will happen with your dad and you, but at least you will know that you have given it the best chance you can for a peaceful letting go. My thoughts, and best wishes, go to you both.

[DemExpat]

20. God, I can echo this experience, Ninkasi!

My hard-nosed Repub (old style!) Dad was also stern, authoritarian, downright mean and cruel at times in our lives, but when my younger sister and I took him home from the nursing home to die from a brain tumor in 1997, he demonstrated his immense gratitude and love for us with his eyes....it was bittersweet because we all would have loved to see those loving eyes all our lives instead of the mean ones....:cry:

The morning before he died I was standing by his bed and he reached for my hand and brought it to his lips and kissed it.....:cry:
:loveya:

What a mix of sorrow and joy that whole time was! The joy far outweighed the sadness.

DemEx

[ninkasi]

21. Dem TX

You know, then,that we should never give up on giving a chance for love to intervene in our lives. My dad sounds like yours...we could have been siblings. My dad suffered from Alzheimer's before he died, but at the last moment, it seamed as though some higher power had given him his mind back, and he was coherent.

I learned, before I turned 20, when my mother died at the age of 42, that sometimes, there are no second chances to repair a relationship which has been damaged. I won't go into the details, but I will say that since then, and I will be 62 in June, I have learned to never let a chance to express love and forgivers go by.

Perhaps this is what separates us from us and the right-wing...we are willing to admit our humanity, and they cannot face up to it. I'm glad you had the chance to see your father's love at the end.

[seventythree]

22. sending you peace

[Quakerfriend]

23. Hey digit, how are you holding up?

How is your dad by now??

[Digit]

24. He is out of the hospital...but has to be on oxygen 24 hrs a day.

The antibiotics are working and his fever is down. It is a good thing they released him since he was refusing to eat their food. Talk about stubborn! All he will eat at home is homemade soup and Ensure, but at least the Ensure gives him some additional nutrients.

My daughter is on Spring Break, and although she is staying with her boyfriend, she came over and spent the day with me. We talked and laughed for hours, did some yardwork together and had a great time.
I also noticed I felt energized with the yardwork.
I am going to try to call my dad Sunday evening and see if he will speak with me. His wife seems to think he will now that he can breathe easier.

So, considering where we WERE, things ARE better.
I appreciate the support everyone has shown.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

25. good news digit

so glad for you :hug:

[Quakerfriend]

26. So happy to hear the good new, digit!

:hi:

[pacifictiger]

27. glad to hear this is a good day

here's another great website that looks at health issues from a spiritual perspective. It has a great support group under discussion forum.
http://www.myss.com