Sexual harassment in the workplace, MY workplace, directed at ME

[Digit]

I posted this over in Women's Issues, but wanted feedback from my spiritual brothers and sisters also.
This is a repeat pattern for me. I keep getting into situations like this over and over and over.
I would like to break the chain. My MO has been to run away as I did from my ex-husband.
Is the lesson to stand up and tell him off? Doesn't it sound like a life lesson needing to be handled?

If the situation was not so tied to my finances, ie, keeping my home and utilities on, I probably WOULD tell him off.

On a good note, I love the work, the customers are great, and I have learned a helluvalot.
If you have any suggestions:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=229x5297

Or, you could send a pvt msg
Thanks
:hug:

[onecent]

1. going to send you hugs...hope I did this right. I don't have any

good advise to give you...but I am thinking about you and sending you good vibrations.


:hug:

[SeattleGirl]

2. Hi Digit. I replied in your thread in the other forum.

As to whether this is a life lesson, my sense is that yes, it is, especially if you keep getting into those situations. Something in you is giving off a signal that attracts people like your ex and your boss to you, because they know they can get away with it. I am not exactly sure what will work for you in terms of identifying and letting go of that "signal", but I know you will find it.

:hug:

[Proud_Lefty]

3. Running is not always a bad thing

As I read your situation, I kept be reminded of a hell hole I used to call a job. The boss never hit on me, but he was arrogant and brutal towards me and the rest of his staff. The situation was so dark that it affected me in the most negative way. At the time, my husband was teetering on losing his own job and begged me not to quit mine without having another job lined up. My job interviews were absolute disasters because I had no way of putting on a good front, I was beat down to nothing. With two young kids, my husband's job on the line, and us living on a tight budget, I felt I had no other options but to stick it out.

Finally I had enough of the lies, greed, deceit, etc. and I asked my higher powers for their direction. The next payday fell on a Friday. I got my paycheck, quietly left my keys in the drawer, called in sick Monday (to make sure my paycheck cleared), and then faxed my resignation in early the following morning. I only took 2 days to recuperate, signed up with a temporary agency, got placed on a temporary assignment, and I'm still there 9 years later.

Sometimes we feel we are stuck in a no win situation, so we put up with too much negativity. I just can't imagine that's what your higher powers really expect of you, but they can't take you out of it. Only you can, when you're ready.

[Why Syzygy]

4. I don't have any advice.

Just want to let you know I heard you.

Others have offered advice on how to deal with this. I left a job once due to sexual harrassment. It got a lot closer than what you describe. He and I were alone most of the time in the office. It was a decent job, but I was married and did not like the advances. Unlike your smuck, my boss had something going on in the brain department. But I was being used. Pure and simple. He got his thrills.

If this guy doesn't know how to grow up and leave behind jr. high, I would want to look for a different boss. However you can make it work. It is not your fault!

[Digit]

5. I originally thought sexual harassment was more overt

It was not until I read up on it earlier today that I realized what I was experienced was sexual harassment. The articles I read really opened my eyes, hence my posting.

As I have not responded to bragging about his prowess and desirability, he has become increasingly belittling and sarcastic, plus dumped more work on me possibly as punishment. It is also part of his intimidation tactics.

I will watch The Secret in the morning to see if it will help me get my power back.
No, wait, I WILL get my power back!

I appreciate the feedback. I can overcome this.

[davsand]

6. (Sigh.) I'm SO sorry you are dealing with this.

If I was there right now my first response would be to offer a hug for comfort. This kind of thing is just so awful to have to deal with. Virtual hugs will have to do, I guess.

My second action would be to talk to you about how this is impacting on you emotionally.

You are not alone, nor are you somehow "crazy" or "hyper-sensitive." Some people (including your own self) might try and tell you that you are somehow imaging this or being too sensitive. THAT is absolute crap.

You have a right to go to work and be in an environment free of sexually based/driven hostility. Don't EVER let anyone tell you differently.

I'm not a lawyer, but given everything I've been thru in the last few years I've been forced to do a bit of research into the entire topic of workplace harassment and abuse.

What you are describing most certainly does sound like harassment and it is most certainly what they refer too as a "hostile" work environment. Both Federal and State laws cover this issue, and usually, if it is corporate setting there is a written company policy someplace that prohibits this kind of stuff.

Have you ever seen any kind of written policy for your workplace? It will probably cover stuff like the number of sick days you earn, vacation policy, Family Leave Act, what to do if you are injured at work--ALL that kind of stuff. Someplace in that written policy, I'm betting, there is a section dealing with harassment in your workplace.

My first suggestion is to talk to the HR people in your company. If they are not located in your workplace then you will need to find an address so you can contact them and report your harassment in writing via certified mail or something that requires they sign a recipt that they got it. (One of the first things they look for in the legal arena is did you try and work within the existing structure to resolve the problem.)

There is a fear about reporting harassment to anyone. However, I do want to point out that once you put it in writing or officially report it to the HR people, if you get fired because you reported your abuse, it becomes a "wrongful termination" situation. If it ever gets to that point it will cost them a LOT more when you file a lawsuit if they have fired you.

If you go to a lawyer they will ask you about what you are experiencing. If you have written notes take them with you along with any written communication you have had with the HR people regarding the problems.

The lawyers are looking for a couple of things, really, they will need to demonstrate that you have been "injured" in some way. If you've been fired for reporting harassment in the workplace, that is pretty cut and dried--you have been hurt by this employer and deprived of your earnings for acting in good faith and attempting to resolve the issue internally. That presents a very real legal issue for your employer.

There are other aspects the lawyer will also need to know, however. Are you having problems sleeping? Focusing while you are at work? Are you experiencing depression? Some studies go so far as to classify some reactions as symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder, so don't dismiss anything you are feeling as being "too extreme."

From articles I've read, most targets of abuse in the workplace DO report some or all of these types of mental health issues, and I want to urge you to be extremely aware of your own mental state. This stuff can mess with you even AFTER you are out of the situation.

As somebody that is still fighting the fight, I'll tell you that some days I really wonder if it was worth it to stand up. I honestly wonder some days if maybe I should just give up and get the hell out.
I will also say that when I read stories like yours I am determined that I will NOT sit down and shut up about the abuser in my workplace. I know what I have endured, and I cannot feel ok about letting it happen to anyone else. For that reason I am still yelling and fighting.

You have to decide how you want to deal with this problem, but do take care of yourself and DO make use of whatever tools you can lay hands on. We are here for you and you are NOT alone, you are not isolated.

Keep safe.


Laura