New here....seeking help - SSRI Withdrawal

[SpecialK]

Hi all,

So, where to begin? I am going through some rough times right now. I have always been an anxious person, and when I was 19, after several bouts of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, I was put on the anti-depressent Paxil. I've been on it for 8 years and recently decided to taper my dosage.

I took my last low-dose pill on Sunday night and am currently going through some frustrating withdrawal symptoms. I'm an emotional wreck, I am dizzy, aggrevated, angry and scared. I cry for no reason and then the next minute feel confident that I can see the end of the tunnel of this withdrawal, of getting these drugs out of my system, only to collapse in tears moments later.

I feel like that, in order to combat my anxiety without Big Pharma, I need to find some sense of spirituality. I've always been agnostic, but used to be quite spiritual until I reached my mid 20s and somehow became convinced that once we die, that's it. There's nothing more to it. We're here for a short period of time and then we're not.
End of story. I don't know how, but this became my 'truth'.

But now, for some reason I feel like I need to make a cry for help, so that I can get through these tough times. I don't know what I'm looking for - some books to read, maybe, that might help a logical mind like mine recover some sense of spirituality, of greater being? I've always enjoyed the practice of yoga as exercise and source of calm, but have never really been involved in the spiritual/religious aspect of it. I've found that my mind is too active for meditation.

I'm posting in this forum on DU because I respect you and your opinions. I wouldn't know who else to ask...for some reason I can't approach my friends and family about this. Most are like me and see spirituality or greater being / purpose of life as illogical.

I thank you for any direction you can send me in. And if any of you have experience or know someone who has been through SSRI withdrawal, I'd love to hear about it. It's easy to start taking these drugs, but no one tells you what it's like to stop.

Thank you.

[davsand]

1. Hugs to you.

I am sorry you are going thru this. I don't know if you have explored any of the herbal help that is out there--it might bear looking at. I'm not suggesting that you abandon your traditional medical Doc--far from it--but understanding why you feel the way you do might help you cope with it...


Here is a link to a website that you might find interesting.

http://www.itmonline.org/arts/ssri.htm

Brightest Blessings to you.



Laura

[japple]

2. Welcome, SpecialK, to this group and to DU. We have a

lot of fun at this site and especially in this group. I am asking all the members of this group to send you healing energy, light, love and a great big :grouphug:

I have a friend who had been taking a SSRI drug for quite a number of months following a nasty divorce after 34 years of marriage. She had exactly the same problems you are having because she didn't wean herself gradually. She had to go back on them and then step down the dosage over a period of time. I don't know if you use herbs, but I've taken a formula of St. John's Wort called "Mood Food," which worked quite well. Because I can't find it in my area, I'm now taking one called "St. John's Positive Thoughts by BioAlign Source Naturals (http://www.sourcenaturals.com). There are many similar products at your local herb shop or natural foods store. Like you, I am a nervous, anxious person, and have been taking St. John's Wort for a number of years with very good results. I have very bad allergies to foods, drugs, and just about everything on this planet, but not to this herbal combo.

I've recently been reading Doreen Virtue's book, Divine Guidance: How to Have a Dialogue with God and Your Guardian Angels, and suggest that as a place to begin your search for your spiritual roots.

Best of luck to you, and you've come to the right place. The people who post here are wonderful, helpful, and caring. And thanks for respecting us. We don't get that on some of the DU forums or discussion threads.

May you find blessings and peace beyond measure.

[SpecialK]

14. Thank you, Japple.

Thank you for your inspiring words and advice. I am overwhelmed by the quality of people on DU - in this forum and in others - I feel like I have finally found a place that I belong in so many ways. I'm definitely sticking around. :-)

[Desertrose]

3. Its not easy...but its a good decision...

..sending you a big :hug:

I can identify with your situation. I had anxiety and panic attacks as well that began in my teens and into my 20's. I was so bad I would actually pass out! Not a fun way to live. Back in those days our family doc prescribed meprobamate a downer.Coming from and working in a drugstore/pharmacy family it was always real easy to get a "refill". I guess I kept myself pretty well medicated til my late 20's, when I discovered I was pregnant. So I went cold turkey the day I found out.

It wasn't easy- especially with the hormone changes that went with being pregnant. But the worst part was the limiting lifestyle those panic attacks had reduced me to. I hated that. But I think I was fortunate because I was always deeply spiritual- not religious (church was actually one of the places that gave me the worst panic attacks!) So I knew that there were deeper reasons for what I was going through...just didn't know what they were or how to deal with them.

Finally one day when my son was 2 I had no other option but to take him to the doctors and drive there by myself !(I was OK if someone came along but really got claustrophobic when caught in traffic.)For me it turned into the "put your money where your mouth is...time to walk the talk. I realized that if this was because ultimately I was afraid to die, then if I believed the things I said, that there was absolutely no reason to be so afraid to die. and somehow...I came through it and the attacks were gone. I can credit no miracle, other than facing my fears at the deepest level and walking through them to the other side. It has been over 25 years and the attacks have stayed gone...never ever took another pill for them....so it can be done.


I do understand why you can't talk to your family and glad you came here.....I hope you can be kind to yourself and allow your body to get the drug out of it physically and the other non physical bodies as well. It is ok to feel whatever you feel, cry when you need to and know that it will come in waves & cycles and that you will make it through.

It would be nice if you could get some bodywork...massage or some very gentle energy work. I would also recommend Flower Essences that are very gentle.

FES is a good site.

Essences for Recovery: Morning Glory, California Poppy, Self-Heal, Nicotiana, and Buttercup to ease the effects of drug or alcohol detoxification. “Buttercup is especially gentle,” says Shannon – “it’s a great essence to use for people who are afraid of what is going to happen, since it’s nonthreatening and helps us face the truth.”
more here...


I am glad you stopped in....hang in....sending you healing energy.
:grouphug:
DR

[Dora]

4. reading recommendation

You may find some solace in Pema Chodron's "When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times."

It's a Buddhistic perspective, but it can be heart-opening. I gave it to my mother in the months after my stepfather died. If my mother is spiritually inclined, she keeps it to herself, and I was quite surprised to hear that this book was very helpful to her. She'd previously been tolerant if quietly skeptical of my husband's Buddhist practice.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1570623449/102-4491069-3147313?v=glance&n=283155

I've been through SSRI withdrawal. :hug: You can get through it. Be kind to yourself, and in every difficult moment, remind yourself that it is but a moment, and all you have to do is get through this one without worrying about the next one, and then deal with that one when it comes. Breathing helps - you may want to consider meditation, but start in small increments. Anxiety makes sitting quietly for fifteen minutes seem like a prison sentence. See if you can sit still and breathe for three minutes. Three. Research homeopathic, herbal, and flower essence remedies. If you can afford it (and don't mind being touched), get a massage as regularly as you can. If massage makes you uncomfortable, consider reiki, or taking an exercise class such as nia or tai chi.

I also exercised more, spent more time in the sunshine, and made a conscious effort to eat better food. Stay away from negative messages - including television, newspapers, scary novels, etc. I also recommend you avoid as much advertising as you can. It only causes us to want material goods unnecessarily. Reinforce positivity in your life. Put a fresh flower in a vase, open the windowshades, move a piece of furniture. Ring a bell. Change the energy of your surroundings.

:hug:

[SpecialK]

16. Thank you Dora

Many years ago I began to dabble in Buddhist philosophy & practice and I feel that now is looking like the right time to pick it up again. Can you recommend any other books for the novice on the practice/religion in general?

Your other advice is also right on target. Exercise and eating well are so important. Relaxation is paramount. Enjoying the small things, each moment. Thank you so much for your words....I think I am now going to book myself a message for the weekend. :-)

:hug:

[Dora]

19. My husband is the good buddhist in our family.

I've never picked up and committed to the practice like he has. Authors/practicioners he has found helpful are Pema Chodron, Thich Nhat Han, and Alan Watts.

Here's a link to some zen buddhist centers in FL. If you can give any or one of these a try, I encourage you. Joining a center is what cemented my husband's practice. It was this practice that saved his mental health as he was moving through a difficult life change. It helps to have a community of people who are on a similar path.

http://www.dmoz.org/Society/Religion_and_Spirituality/Buddhism/Lineages/Zen/Centers/United_States/Florida/

My husband (and I guess myself, by virtue of osmosis) practices Rinzai Zen Buddhism. It's not quite as popular as Soto Zen. I may be wrong, but it's my understanding that Rinzai is stricter than Soto, and Soto is more forgiving - less focus on posture, breathing, etc. Where Soto may say, "It's the thought that counts," Rinzai may reply, "It's the practice that matters."

Trivial information: Leonard Cohen is a long-time supporter and practicioner of Rinzai Zen Buddhism.

[jrthin]

5. Hugs to you, also.

Now, get into a pair of sneakers and go for a long walk, or a jog! Really, it will help.

[oxbow]

6. I've been almost exactly where you are now

Totally lived in my head, very logical, emotional problems, medication, the whole bit. It took a lot of Reiki, a really good mentor and dealing with deep-seated issues related to childhood abuse to get me to a more positive place. In my experience, the drugs mask all the stuff that you need to deal with before you find inner peace. I had to taper off mine VERY slowly, like going down a little bit every week over 3 months.

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. I would concur that you need some energy work done on you, as that is the best thing for emotional issues. Best of luck K.

[LaurenG]

7. Oh I'm sorry this is happening to you too

I too once suffered with panic and anxiety. One of the obsessions that I developed was rarely eating and a fear of drugs. I couldn't even take an aspirin without having a panic attack. I remember standing in line at the grocery store waiting to check out and I had the worst panic attack of my life. I wanted to bolt out of there but some inner voice kept saying no, stand here and wait your turn. It was difficult but I knew if I didn't I would NEVER go into that store again as I would forever associate it with that panic attack. I did it and at that point I realized that I needed to get information so that I could deal with it. I went to a therapist and asked what is wrong and what do I need to do about it. I eventually won the battle and learned what I need to know about anxiety and how it works. (I read and studied it clinically)

I guess my thoughts would be that you matter greatly and you must take very good care of you. Do something nice everyday for yourself and realize that you are not alone. Coming off of antidepressant's can be very difficult even if you have gradually gotten off of them.

Drink plenty of water and maybe (if you have a medical condition it is always best to check with your doctor before tying any of these suggestions)take salt baths, 1/2 cup sea salt and 1/2 cup baking soda. If you sit in the tub for awhile you will become very tired so realize that you'll probably need to rest or sleep for awhile afterwords. I would also rinse in the shower as the salt is very drying to your skin. Eat lots of fruits and veggies and try some ginger tea and aloe vera juice to help clean out the system. This is not medical advice but basic things one can do to clear out the residue and feel better. Please check with your practitioner to be sure that the suggestions offered are ok to use.

If you can, find an energy practitioner; Reiki, therapeutic touch and even a massage therapist. These are basic remedies to get you over the hump. I am sure you will find your way as there are wonderful suggestions for books and websites listed on this thread.

Finally,there is a meditation/visualization that I have found very helpful. First I always see myself surrounded in the brightest light imaginable, I call it the Christed light, but you should call it whatever you'd like.

Next, imagine a huge golden tornado coming down from the sky, it is very powerful but will not harm you. See it spinning around your body, pulling off and out all those things/thoughts etc. that are not positive. Just let it clean you up let it spin and spin until as you imagine looking at your feet you see golden light and then see the words, Peace, Love and Joy in big letters bouncing up and down around your feet. Take in a deep breath and turn your head from right to left as you blow it out your mouth. Relax a few moments and just allow the feeling of peace to settle in.

Also, as far as breath work goes you can take deep breaths and hold them for ten seconds and blow them out just to calm yourself. Do a series of three or more. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help you. Just remember NOTHING lasts forever so these feelings will eventually stop.

:hug:

[SpecialK]

15. Great Advice OhioBlues....

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I know that I will be returning to read your post when things seem less bright than they do now. One sort of 'mantra' I've been trying to hold onto is "Embrace" - Embrace my anxiety, embrace my happiness, embrace my pain....it IS all a part of being alive, and as you wrote, the notion that 'this too shall pass' must always be remembered.

:hug:

[DemExpat]

8. Some great advice here already in this thread, SpecialK.

Welcome to our group as well! :hug:

Looks like several of us have had our share in dealing with these problems, and I can only concur with my personal experience that my healing only began after I stopped pharmaceuticals - in 1981 when I was pregnant with my first child.
I also had to kick a very heavy addiction to anti-anxiety medications, and withdrawal was excruciating.

How I coped?

I had a therapist (who had prescribed me the meds) helping me get and stay off them, and devised my own methods:

I ate a very simple (Macrobiotic) diet for several months which I feel helped clean out my system and help me build up some real inner balance - maybe a De-Tox eating plan would be beneficial for you too at this time?

Writing all of my moods, feelings, thoughts, changing states in a journal helped me keep a sense of stability in the wild fluctuations and learning how to deal with my life and my self without medications.

Always have used a great calming herbal mixture sold here which is half valerian and half Passionflower which really does take the edge off when things get overpowering.

Long walks (daily) are wonderful relaxation and meditations for me and my dog, but any pleasurable exercise done in a relaxed way would be beneficial IMO.

I also use Homeopathic remedies - and consultations with a licensed practitioner - when I need some outside help. I used to suffer depression along with anxiety and panic disorder, but for years now I have been doing very well. I would not call myself a calm and mellow woman, but I'm very sensitive and feel all of the good and the bad! :evilgrin: I prefer it this way now!

Learning how to breathe consciously to help me see that I was holding my breath in or breathing very high in my chest.....very shallow.... did wonders for my anxieties - I learned to focus on slow and peaceful breathing to ward off any anxiety or panic attacks - an excellent tool!

I take water with me when I go anywhere where I might be feeling anxious.

About 10 years ago I did try Prozac because I was wooed by all of the ads and articles promising the end of many of my negative feelings and states, (also PMS), but that was a total disaster - actually caused me hellish panic attacks and threw my progress back about a year.
Never do that again.

I am supportive of anyone who wants to live meds free, but also feel that if, at any time, you feel it is beyond your power to endure, please seek professional help for support and try to find a less painful way to wean yourself.....also you may have done it too fast and might need to taper off much more slowly. Maybe talk to your doctor about this.

I couldn't have made it without my books to turn to either, but the titles are mostly out of print at this time!
Louise Hay, Shakti Gawain, Jerold Jampolski, etc. those people from the 80s helped me out so much back then. :-) :loveya:

I'm sure that some here will have more recent titles.

All the best, and feel free to talk about your experiences here as some of us have gone down a similar road!

:hug:

DemEx

[I Have A Dream]

9. I can't really add much to what's already been said. However, I did...

want to tell you that I'm sorry that you're going through this. I wish you much peace and freedom to live your life as you wish to live it.

Interestingly, this situation is bringing you back to your spirituality to a certain degree, so after it's all behind you and you're a happy person, at least something good will have come out of the experience.

:hug:

[NMDemDist2]

10. the drugs block you from the spirit so you are already on your way

just ask

ask to be calm

ask for the strength

ask for peace

just ask

it's almost like a meditation, the asking. meditation isn't about "nothing" it's about focused "something" so make asking your meditation

do a quick "time out" and reality check. take 30 seconds when you start to get anxious and touch reality. "Am I in danger" "Where am i RIGHT NOW?" repeat "I am safe, I am Safe" and BREATHE.

Easy to say, sometimes very hard to do. But the key is to get back into the moment, fear comes from thinking of the "what ifs" in the future, so take a minute, LOOK closely at something around you, a plant, a beautiful wood grain, the trees across the street anything to make you focus on RIGHT NOW until the fear passes.

also come join us over here, there will be lots of folks who have lived thru the hell of withdrawal and have learned to live a spirtual path. It's not about thinking yourself into a new way of living, it's about living yourself into a new way of thinking...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=336

[MissWaverly]

11. Good luck to you

I have anxiety and panic attacks all my life, one thing I learned, that when you do have them, it usually when your brain senses that you are safe, so the danger is over, I too
would gradually decrease if you wish to wean yourself away from your meds. Remember there
are physical effects to your entire body so you shouldn't just go cold turkey with any
meds. Second, I can tell you definitely there is a God and he does love. He does not
enjoy your suffering and is not totally crunching up your trangressions. Try to love
yourself, nurture yourself, be kind to yourself. Consider a pet, the one thing about them
is they will love you unconditionally and that helps with the healing. Walking does help
provide calm.

[purduejake]

12. After almost 3 years of Wellbutrin...

I have been off for about a month. I tried coming off before, but finally got to the point where the anti-depressants were depressing me. I had virtually no feelings - no anxiety, no loneliness, and no love, no passion, no LIFE. I've been doing great and finally broke away from the meds for good. Whenever I feel doubtful, I come here. The BIGGEST help I've found is in Matthew's Messages. Maybe it is right for you, maybe not. Can't hurt to check it out: http://www.matthewbooks.com/mattsmessage.htm

[SpecialK]

13. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart....

To everyone who responded to my post:

You can't begin to imagine how much your thoughtful responses and recommendations have touched me and given me strength today. I am feeling more positive and excited about the future than I have felt in a long time. While the withdrawal effects are still present, I feel that they are truly being surpassed by the warmth and good energy I have after reading through this thread. I am following up on all of your suggestions to find what is right for me. Thank you, again.

[davsand]

17. I did the Wellbutrin thing too.

It made me just NUMB. I hated how it made me feel (or rather, NOT feel.)

_____________


I have wondered for a while now if maybe a lot of the anxiety and depression issues people deal with have some root in our feelings of spiritual isolation.

I think many of us medicate rather than actually explore what really is going on deep down inside ourselves--and WHY wouldn't we? From the time we are little kids we are taught to take a pill, a drink or smoke and feel better...

Something that troubles me deeply about our society is the widely held view that sadness (depression) or anxiety is an illness rather than a symptom of something deeper. We treat the symptom rather than the root cause. It is kinda like putting a band aid on the stump of a missing limb, really. If you are soul sick I think it takes addressing THAT rather than just covering it up with drugs--ya know?

For many folks (myself included) if life gets too painful we reach for some kind of quick fix rather than reaching up into our higher selves. I think there are many paths to your higher self--be they an organized religion, paganism, Taoism, Buddhism--pick any one you can name--or even just the spirituality of knowing and accepting there IS a higher power of some sort.

No ONE path works for everyone--but it is the decision to start down a path that starts to bring us healing.

I have long suspected (and cannot prove this) that people who are "sensitives" tend to deal with these issues a bit more intensely. I don't know how to explain it other than to say that it is like maybe having an extra nerve ending or two. Some folks seem to FEEL more and I think they tend to suffer until they learn how to channel that additional information (more intense feelings) or at least ID what is going on.

Sorry--I'm mentally rambling today...


Laura

[Idylle Moon Dancer]

18. long story short

interesting. welbutrin made me feel great. I was worried at first that I might have an experience similar to yours, but I didn't.
Lately, it doesn't seem to matter one way or the other whether I follow the prescribed dose or not. I've been working on breathing and meditation lately. I wonder if they are related.

[Nancy Waterman]

20. Try this remedy: Mood Fix

http://www.elixirs.com/products.cfm?productcode=NC250

It is a combination homeopathic remedy for depression. No side effects, no addiction, no withdrawal. It helps to rebalance you. You take it less and less often after the first few days. You chew up the pills a couple of times a day, well away from food.

[DemExpat]

21. Most of the ingredients of this product are Homeopathic remedies

which I took - in very high (thus extremely diluted...LM200) doses - for depression. Since treatment about 6 years ago, primarily with Natrum Mur, I have been long-term deep-depression free.

I get down once in awhile, but not deeply depressed as I was for almost 2 decades in my young adult years.

It looks good to me and worth a try for anyone interested and who can't visit a good Homeopath.

DemEx

[LaurenG]

22. Inositol (a b vitamin) shows promise in depression, ocd, anxiety..

This just showed up in my in-box. It won't allow me to copy and paste but it has some interesting studies on this b vitamin.

http://www.standardprocess.com/lit/monographs/InositolL9005.pdf

[DemExpat]

23. In a Dr. Phil show his wife Robin discussed ways to manage

menopausal symptoms with natural remedies, and inositol was one of the main supplements that she recommended for moods and good sleep.

:-)

DemEx

[KAT119]

24. Big Pharma/conventional M.D's darkly/knowingly hand out addicting meds

for any ailment/inner-outer pain - enslaving customers/pt's to greater trauma!!

bachflower.com lists the great uses of their wonderous remedies, and for $30.00 offers a professional consult. and 3 month free follow up by email-plus product discounts.

Health food stores carry the remedies, plus descriptive pamphlets. I would start w/ Rescue Remedy spray to begin. Use liberally 30 days. Very calming! Transformative!!

1 reason homeopathy/fllower remedies (vibrational medicine) works so beautifully is that they treat 6 full layers of our subtle bodies, whereas Pharma deals only w/masking an apparant symptom-as tho the body were only a machine, impairing the rest of the body/ mind /emotional system. (Sorry for rant).

Next, @ amazon.com, order:' Practicing the Power of Now 'by Eckhart Tolle = the essential meditations & exercises from his blockbuster NYT bestseller: 'The Power of Now'. Go to page 15 and immediately 'feel' = (operant word) and then gradually live from the ecstasy of your Divine/God-dess/Being/Presence Self
and consciously enjoy the ultimate discovery of WHO you truly & most deeply ARE! You are then finally and at last home & more will be revealed - inner/outer shifts will occur. His audio tape of this book is also transformative.

Great of you to reach out, SpecialK, you created such a special thread here.

[mrgorth]

25. Please post this

in the mental health forum. You might get some good responses there.