So..I guess I really am an empath.

[lildreamer316]

I know some of you have said this to me before, but it never really hit home until that imbibing experience I wrote about the other day. I posted because I had a sneaking suspicion that a whole lot of the emotions I was feeling, reacting to and still feeling the next day were in no way my own. It seems that husband is one too. We have had a realization over and over..we cannot, cannot go OUT drinking together unless we are together the whole time. If one of us is separated from the other; or if one of us goes out and has alcohol but the other one stays home; invariably the one of us that was out comes back with bad energy. When we are together at home or out, we are perfectly fine. Really, perfectly fine. And we have no major issues that we are holding back on at the moment - at least none that would require such heavy energy expression. There have been many other clues, but this is such a revelation to me - because I realized being an empath is a real, solid, whole-body physical experience; and that it explained many other things in my life.

I started searching online and found this:
http://healing.about.com/cs/empathic/a/uc_empathtraits.htm

"About Empathy and Empaths
What is Empathy?
From Christel Broederlow"

{I'm going to quote a couple sections from this and add my input}

<snip>

"An empath can sense the truth behind the cover and will act compassionately to help that person express him/herself, thus making them feel at ease and not so desperately alone."
* this is why I can be so very good at my job, and part of why I enjoy it so much. It also is part of the reason I keep saying that I love people. I do, just some of them really try me some days.

"Empaths experience empathy towards family, children, friends, close associates, complete strangers, pets, plants and inanimate objects. Empathy is not held by time or space. Thus, an empath can feel the emotions of people and things at a distance. Some are empathic towards animals (ie: The Horse Whisperer), to nature, to the planetary system, to mechanical devices or to buildings etc. Others will have a combination of the above."
*THIS explains why, when bumping into or otherwise 'damaging' inanimate objects; I used to (and sometimes still do) apologize to them; or talk with them. Used to do it as a child all the time. I curse at them too, sometimes..then I have to apologize again later. It also explains why my heart hurts when I think about my old house, the land, and especially the TREES that were cut down. I've even, sad to say, avoided making 'friends' with the trees and land my current house sits with; because I think I'm afraid losing them will be too painful if something happens like that again. Of course I'm using some of the de-attachment stuff someone here posted not long ago to help me with this. And of course you all know that I get physically ill at the mention of anything happening to children or babies.

" Generally, those who are empathic grow up with these tendencies and do not learn about them until later in life. "
*..and here I am. Ha.

"Empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels. From their position in observing what another is saying, feeling and thinking, they come to understand another. They can become very proficient at reading another person's body language and/or study intently the eye movements. While this in itself is not empathy, it is a side-shoot that comes from being observant of others. In a sense, empaths have a complete communication package."
*Again, another part of me being suited to the job I chose..this is a skill much needed in the world I work in. Seems I was unconsciously guided or chose this direction, of course.

<snip>
"Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control,.."
*Oh god. One of my pet peeves is to realize that I've been out of control of myself. That's usually what happens the morning after I've had a night out..I feel horribly guilty and embarrassed that I got out of control; even if no one else saw it that way. This paragraph describes me to a T.

"Empaths are sensitive to TV, videos, movies, news and broadcasts. Violence or emotional dramas depicting shocking scenes of physical or emotional pain inflicted on adults, children or animals can bring an empath easily to tears. At times, they may feel physically ill or choke back the tears. Some empaths will struggle to comprehend any such cruelty....They simply cannot justify the suffering they feel and see."
*We've talked about many of us feeling this way here at ASAH. I'd venture to say that many of us share this gift of empathy and are experiencing the same thing. I can't watch a lot of things on TV for these reasons, and have been made fun of a lot because of it.

<snip>
"Even complete strangers find it easy to talk to empaths about the most personal things, .."
*Have full, sometimes very detailed convos with people in line at the grocery store; behind the counters; etc. all the time. ALL the time. Was in NYC at the tender age of 12 and was walking up to people in Central Park and starting conversations - and they would respond. Same in the subway. About gave my mother a heart attack!


I kept following links and also came to this article:
http://healing.about.com/od/empathic/a/plightofempath.htm

"The Plight of the Empath or Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Research Findings and Recommendations
By Phylameana lila Desy"

**she quotes the author of a book about HSPs; and lists her recommendations - some of which rang a bell with me also. Including:

"•What is moderately arousing to most people is overwhelming to HSPs.

•HSPs often have decreased serotonin levels resulting from the repeated stress of over arousal.

•Likewise, they have more reactive immune systems (allergies) and more sensitive nervous systems."

**I've always been in lovely health except for a couple things. One of them was early allergies to several things. Those particular ones I seemed to grow out of; but then I got just one or two others in their place. I'm not highly allergic to anything; but seem to have a constant low reaction to those one or two things.
The seratonin thing..this explains my enjoyment of one particular drug (the only drug I've ever taken, other than a couple of interactions with pot that I did not enjoy). This particular drug does one major thing - dumps almost all your seratonin into your brain at once. (Yes, I am careful and yes, I've done my research and yes..I'm very aware of the risks. Just FYI.) I can't stand any other drugs except alcohol, and that's been limited down, as I was saying earlier.

"Some recommendations of Aron's for HSPs:

•Spend at least eight to ten hours per day in bed, whether sleeping or not, plus an extra two hours spent in meditation or other forms of solitude and one hour of outdoor exercise.
**I tend to do a lot of this already - I guess my guides prompted me to do so.

•Make sure to have plenty of "down time", including: one full day per week completely off, one month of vacation per year (split up, preferably), time with animals and plants in nature as often as possible.
**Again, I get to do this regularly; bless my wonderful husband's sensitive heart. Kitty cat is always near and cuddly, just like with a lot of you :)

•Keep the following items on hand: earplugs (for loud noise), silk wrap or blanket of natural materials (to cuddle up in with favorite herbal tea), flowers, candles, incense (to please all the senses), protein snacks (as sensory over arousal depletes blood sugar).
**THIS is what really got me: I was diagnosed with low blood sugar in my teens; and have had several hypoglycemic 'attacks'. Now it makes more sense why I would be so!
I do love my loud music when I'm in the mood (and music is supposed to be a help to HSPs/empaths anyway); but other than that I like my house retreat to be fairly quiet; dark; & comfy..I'm always keeping candles lit and curling up in a very soft blanket; sipping my hot tea that is really comforting..and I'm very picky about smells. Good candles; good quality incense; etc. etc. Husband gets irritated at me because of my constant complaining due to my sense of smell.


Her other recommendations are all great; and I'm taking them to heart.


I'm very sorry for all the ME ME ME here in this post; but this was a MAJOR revelation for me. I think my body and my mind were finally in a place to understand it. It just all came together for me that day and the next after I posted that thread; and I feel in my soul that this is my truth - and a big part of my path. I can fully understand how this is part of not only my spiritual body but my physical one, and see how I need to be very aware and careful about how I interact and with whom. I think I had stumbled upon part of this a couple years ago when I posted a thread about how I 'got it' (some of you will remember that); but I saw it as more of a power than a gift, if that makes any sense. This brought it all home as to how I need to take care of myself in order to use the gift correctly - working from the inside out.

I feel more connected to my guides and less judgmental of myself.

Oh - and a last realization. I figured out that this was the major reason I sometimes have trouble making money at my job. I work in a bar industry (wow what a choice, knowing this now!) and it used to be that people were coming in (basically) to drink and have a good time. Now, these days..they are coming in to drink and try to forget the bad times they are having. It's honestly not the same kind of energy I was used to dealing with; and many nights I just can NOT make any money; because I feel the negativity and depression in the room - and I know these people really don't want someone as honest and empathetic as me to interact with. It's too much for them. I'm too much for them - as an empath. If I can find that one person who is happy with him/her self; then I'm gravy - but most of the time that's not the case, anymore. Now I know it's not my sales skills; or my appearance; or any of the hundred other things about myself I though was causing me to not be productive. I had tried everything I could think of, and was beginning to think I was too old. This is a huge, huge weight off of me. Huge.

There's a lot for me to think about, but I feel sure this is the right information for me. Thanks for listening to my long-ass self post again, friends.

[OneGrassRoot]

1. What a wonderful find!!!

I'm so glad this was a huge "aha" find for you, lildreamer, and helps you feel so much better about everything!

:bounce:

:hug:

I've been consciously aware that I'm an (extreme...lol) empath for a long time now, but I've never seen so many things written about it, with each and every one you posted hitting home so strongly.

You wrote:

<snip>
"Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs. In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control,.."
*Oh god. One of my pet peeves is to realize that I've been out of control of myself. That's usually what happens the morning after I've had a night out..I feel horribly guilty and embarrassed that I got out of control; even if no one else saw it that way. This paragraph describes me to a T."

Dayum, that is spot on, and it explains why I'm so adamant about the "prevention" thing and not putting myself in situations (when at all possible) to result in this ickiness. That's just me though. :)

Thanks for sharing this. I'm going to read more at that site later. Cool beans.

:hug:

[lildreamer316]

3. This could be a good journey for both of us!

I'm now reading/listening to Judith Orloff's videos on her site. Here is the list:

http://www.drjudithorloff.com/free-video.htm

I found the video on that page; plus the "How To Stop Absorbing The Energy Of Others" one to be great; and now I'm listening to the interview with George Noory/Coast to Coast AM - listed as "Dealing With Negativity in Stressful Economic Times" (there are two parts).

I'll add as I find interesting links. I'll be interested to hear what is an "aha!" for you, if any more pop up.

:hug: !

[lildreamer316]

2. Adding that one of our ASAHers posted about this early this year:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=245&topic_id=93455

Seems I need to revisit that thread.

[eilen]

4. Thanks, it makes sense

I have always wondered why it is that I need more sleep than other, that I get easily stressed and overwhelmed. Why can't I be like those superwomen who can juggle a full time job and stay up all night cleaning the house and run errands and prepare meals ahead of time. I'm lucky to get my laundry done during the week. I have worked as a nurse for years, most of that time in oncology/hematology. I had to stop it for awhile. I went back to work and my manager kept giving me patients with cancer. On the one hand I felt very competent but on the other, I felt back in that sorrowful place again. My mother told me I need more "alone" time than others. Otherwise I just get drained. Now people have told me that I have to learn to shield and to block but that seems somewhat cruel to do to hurting scared people who need tlc, considering it is my job to be empathic and caring.

I find that creative pursuits are quite a salve and source of rejuvenation.

I had a teacher who taught me a painting technique. Randomly pick 3 colors of acrylic paint. Take a canvas or board and lay some colors on it and just paint, listen to music, have the tv on-- don't consciously think about what you are painting. She calls it "spirit painting" it is like a meditation. It is very therapeutic. For her classes, she usually does a guided meditation session first.




One of her classes.

[Delphinus]

6. I like that technique.

I'm not an artist, but that sounds like something I could do. I'd love to see what comes through.

[Shallah Kali]

13. have you ever considered learning Reiki or other laying energy channeling technique?

so as to not be exhausted and drained when wishing to share good energy with others? Before I was attuned to reiki I would ask that my guides/allies/higher power to put their hands over mine when I did a hands on treatment or on my head letting the energy then flow down into my heart chakra, then to my arms and down out of my hands that could just radiate in general for anyone to absorb. Another technique I read of is to repeat to oneself "I am infinite compassion" and call upon your higher power(s) to radiate that energy out of your heart chakra.

shielding, imo, need not be about blocking but about filtering so that positive energies - loving kindness, compassion, etc.) flow freely but anything that would harm is blocked. Some people have stronger personal energy than I can stand to let more than just positive energies flow but I can't so I do shield.

[mysticalchick]

5. I'd guess ...

... that many of us in here (and in the alternative healing field in general) are empaths. According to Rose Rosetree (www.rose-rosetree.com), only 1 in 20 are like this. There are ways of learning to turn the dial down a bit so you're not taking in everyone's stuff. Rose calls it being a "skilled empath". It's taken me MANY years to learn how to do this and I still have times where I am busy taking in the yuck. At least I'm conscious of it, though! :)

For more info on what she says about it, check out her FAQ on empaths: http://www.rose-rosetree.com/faq.htm#aboutempathy

LD, I know this is a big revelation for you and I'm thrilled that you've "gotten" it. Being aware is what? 90% of everything? I look forward to seeing how you grow and change as you integrate this knowledge into your every day life.

[Delphinus]

7. Very interesting information here.

I'm enjoying - thanks! :hi:

[winyanstaz]

8. More things that will help an empath...

Take the same time every day (as much as possible) to do your meditations and take the time to do a few breathing exercises.
When things are too overwhelming..you can sit on the earth and place both hands flat on the earth in front of you and Intend all the excess energy to enter into the earth.
Smudging at least once a week (more if you can) will also help you shed all the extra stuff you take on.
When you are under direct attack..place both feet flat on the ground..if you cannot touch the ground with your feet still visualize the energy from your feet going into the earth like the roots of a tree..and place your palms together or clasp your hands.
Place your arms/hands across your solar plexus tightly and do some deep slow breathing..taking care to visualize good energy in...negative energy out the mouth.
Brighten your energy field by focusing on your favorite spiritual thought, prayer, chant or mantrum.
By doing these things you will have
1..grounded
2. closed your own energy circuits so none of your own energy can leave
3. brightened and extended your own aura/shield.
4. protected your energy center
5. expelled your own excess negativity/fear which brightens your energy field as well...and
6. opened a connection to Spirit (by thinking spiritual thoughts and opening up to help from your own Higher Self)

When energy strikes a field that is brighter than itself, it does what we call "mirroring."
Meaning the negative energy bounces off the brighter energy field and back along the line of least resistance. Which is, of course the same line it came from in the first place.
It will also gain force from the "bounce" and the person sending the negativity..reaps what they sow.
They will also learn a good lesson on why it is just not smart to go around attacking other people.
Just as when we sow a seed of corn we do not get back 1 seed.
We get back rows upon rows of seeds.
Same as when energy is mirrored.
When we ourselves become bright enough..we become a mirror for the world just as the world is also a mirror for us.
All together..we are perfect. All together, we are the Light of the World.

I realize I posted some of this before..but it cannot be stressed too much.

You can also discreetly do the closing of the circuits even in public without drawing attention to yourself.
It also works when you are around an energy succubus/energy vampire..you will know them because they leave one feeling exhausted after being around them too long.
Those that prey on other people's energy consciously we call practitioners of the Black Arts or energy vampires. Those that do it unconsciously I call an energy succubus for lack of a better name. They can be draining but usually not deadly.

[BlueIris]

9. I also recommend this for uncontrolled empathic receptivity:

http://www.fesflowers.com/sacred-heart.htm

It's the Pink Monkeyflower that does it, but it has a lot of other good stabilizing essences in it to protect your emotional body from unwanted empathetic crap.

[OneGrassRoot]

10. suffering

I think this is obviously the aspect that is most difficult as an empath.

I don't know about you guys, but all it takes is one incident (see my Daisy thread) to break through the "compassionate detachment" barrier, and it's as though every pain I or anyone else has ever felt comes crashing in.

The heartbreaks build and when I allow myself to break down, such as with this news of Daisy, it feels like every pain I've ever endured -- and felt others endure -- is pouring through again, fresh and raw.

I need to release like this periodically. I know I do....I have to release it...but I'm wondering if anyone else is like this. If the pain of one incident opens a floodgate for ALL previously experienced pain to crash through.

When this happens, I do try to visualize releasing pain and suffering for others on an etheric level if possible as I erupt with emotion.

Something you wrote upthread struck me the other day, lildreamer. I don't recall what at this moment and can't find my way to read much right now through the tears. If this post makes sense, it'll be a miracle.

But, as an empath, I've found myself internally screaming since I was a child:

I. FEEL. TOO. MUCH.

I've gotten better...much better, and have learned to navigate the sea of emotion better, but when the dam breaks, as it has today.......*sighs*

[Shallah Kali]

11. Yes pain in another breaks open every partially healed heartache I have ever felt

and those that I picked up from others. It is like tuning forks - when one of a particular note is struck and held next to another of the same note the second tuning fork begins to vibrate as well. At it's worst my heart and thymus chakras (some feel the thymus is the seat of empathy calling it the High Heart chakra) feel almost like I have been physically stabbed witht he knife still in it. Btw for anyone concerned no doctor has ever found anything wrong with my heart, cholesterol or BP so I am not mistaking some sort of heart attack for psychic phenomena.

[Shallah Kali]

12. I used to think it would make for a better world if everyone was empathic

because no one could stand to hurt one another. Now I believe that most people are empathic and that is why so many self-medicate in unhealthy ways trying to escape the miasma not only of their personal issues but also those of all around them.

I highly recommend getting attuned to Reiki to anyone empathic. It helps wake up one's innate connection to positive spiritual energies so there is always a flow of positive energy available. I charge the boundary of my aura to help ensure only positive energies flow freely and harmful ones are transmuted or repelled. Like a cell's membrane a healthy aura helps protect and filter that which is inside of the boundary letting in nutrients (positive energies) while resisting germs (harmful energies). The intention is not to shut out the world but provide the correct amount of shielding each person needs. Another analogy - just as some people feel the cold more than others some people feel more of the world than is healthy for them. Just as those easily child folks need to bundle up more, sometimes a lot more, empaths usually find they feel better if they reinforce their aura's regularly.

You may find it useful to check your aura's dimensions to find out how widely it tends to spread out. Mine tends to go out to far which made it more permeable than was good for me. I don't see things like that so I used focused intention to reach out and imagine I was grabbing my aura's edges and drawing them in to just under arm's length. I did this in all directions, using my imagination when my arms would not comfortably reach behind me for example and then smoothed it all down. Then I like to charge my aura's edge up with Reiki along with any other good vibes I can channel into it and sketching Reiki and infinity symbols on it. An interesting side effect I and others have noticed after charging the aura is sometimes people we know who normally don't respect personal space, like to get into other people's faces or just expect others to jump out of their way when they are walking suddenly stop doing these things to us for a few days while continuing to do it to others.