Harry dog died today.

[undeterred]

Harry dog was from the dog pound on the South side of Chicago. I got him in April of 1993 when he was about 6 months old. It took me a few years to figure out that he was a small leonberger.

In the fall of 1999 he was diagnosed with bone cancer and I was told he had 6 weeks left. I took him to the Veterinary Teaching Hospital at UW Madison, where he was properly diagnosed with a fibrosarcoma, not bone cancer. I got him into a study on treatment with IL-2 and 3 months later there was still a lump on his paw, but the tissue was no longer cancer. So he remained cancer free after 2000. After that I always thought of him as a miracle, and all the time since then has been pure grace.

He was a very happy, loving, puppy like dog. A friend of mine who trains dogs said she'd never seen a dog who does everything for praise, nothing for food.

My favorite thing to do with Harry was take him for a walk in the woods. Although he was deaf and arthritic, he seemed to come alive when we were out there.

Our last walk in the woods was Saturday morning, just yesterday. I've taken so many mental and literal pictures of him there. On our last walk there were a lot of mosquitoes and I brought water but no dish, so we turned around and went back the way we came. He didn't stumble at all. Occasionally on these walks his hind legs would wear out, but not yesterday. When we got to the car, he drank a lot of water.

Yesterday afternoon he was panting heavily and also last night- but it isn't really that hot. This morning I was helping him get to his feet, and his feet just collapsed under him. I had a bad feeling he'd had a stroke but he just looked up at me. So I picked him up and laid him down on my bed.

He kept panting but moved his body to snuggle up as close to me as he could. I kept petting his head. It crossed my mind that he was dying. Two years ago when he had bloat he went and hid behind the Christmas decorations in the basement. So I expected that when he was dying he would go off by himself.

There was a moment that his body was shaking a little, like a seizure. The heavy panting stopped and there were shallow breaths that were too far apart. So I knew. But he had used his last bit of energy to cuddle up as close to me as he could.

I didn't want to have to put this dog down. I didn't want him to die alone. He died snuggled up to me, without a whimper. As deaths go, it was a good death. He was 2 and a half months short of 16, which is very old for a large breed dog (leonberger). He had a good, long life and cheated death many times.

The vet is closed today. Harry dog is on my living room floor with a sheet over him. I can't touch him any more- now he feels dead. Its just his body. I am so glad I was holding him in my arms when he died.

I just remembered that I have to take him back to the vet school for necropsy before I can have him cremated.

I already miss him so very much.

:cry:

[JeffR]

1. I'm so sorry, undeterred.

That's a good long life for a big dog, as you say. And it sounds like he had a happy knack for survival. Such things are really no consolation, though, when these great beings leave us. Until you meet again, think about how much you loved each other. No doubt he will be doing the same.

[undeterred]

2. Thank you.

[Longhorn]

3. What a lovely dog. What a lovely story.

I'm sharing your tears and hope that you continue to bask in your good memories of him. I'm so sorry. :hug:

[spooky3]

4. undeterred, your dog loved you more than anything

Poor little Harry, he didn't want to leave you.

He will live forever in your heart.

Thank you for your faith in and love for him.

[undeterred]

6. He lived way beyond his lifespan.

A lot of the giant breeds don't make it past 10. And he made it to almost 16. The dogwalkers I had for him said he was in love with me and didn't ever want to leave me. We had such a strong bond but his poor little body finally wore out.

[virgdem]

5. What a touching story..

You had many good years with Harry and it was his time to go. He loved you and wanted to be with you in his final moments - and you were there for him. That's all anyone can ask or expect. May he rest in peace and may you find peace in the coming days and months.

[BrklynLiberal]

7. What a beautiful love story. You were both very lucky to have had each other for so long.

It is apparent that you brought each other endless joy and love.

Time and tears...and then someday you will be able to remember him and smile.
Do you have a picture of your boy Harry?

:cry: :hug:

[roody]

8. Tears for Harry dog.

Tears will leave no stain.
Time will ease the pain.
For every life that fades
Something beautiful remains.


from a lovely song on Tina Turner's Wildest Dreams

[blondie58]

9. I am so sorry- he sounds like he was a love

and I had never even heard of a leonberger before, so I had to go look it up. What a gorgeous breed. He is out of pain now.

[Sanity Claws]

10. My condolences

I'm sorry for your loss.
Harry had a peaceful death.

[Tammie]

11. My deepest sympathy to you and your family

Your post was so touching. I'm so sorry Harry is gone, but he left this earth from his own bed, on his own terms with the one he loved right next to him. Rest in peace, dear Harry. Til you meet again, hang in there undeterred.

[IndyOp]

12. I am so very sorry...

I am grateful that you were there with Harry as he passed.

Peace.

:hug:

[Eurobabe]

13. Oh that made me cry.

So sorry undeterred. :cry: RIP Harry...

[undeterred]

14. I'll never see him again.

What do you do with a dead pet? I don't have the resources to have a burial. I left messages at my vet and a cremation service yesterday.

Harry died at noon on Sunday. I laid him on the floor in my living room and covered his body with a sheet so that he looked like he was sleeping.

Then I remembered that when he went through cancer treatment I had agreed to have him autopsied there when he died. So I started calling the vet school at 7:30am and didn't get through till 8:15. The first question the lady asked was, "Is he frozen?" and I said no. Then she asked me if he was in the refrigerator and I said no. Who puts a 55lb dead dog in their refrigerator?

I told her he died yesterday at noon and there was nothing I could do except call first thing the next day. She finally said I should bring him right away. And then I found out that the vet school also does cremations. Its $40 to have your dog cremated with other animals, and $158 to have them cremated separately so you get the ashes back.

I was out of work for 4 months until very recently and I haven't gotten my first paycheck yet, so I had to choose the $40 option. If they were the same price I would opt for the ashes but I don't really think its going to bring me any comfort.

I cut off some of his long fur to save before I took him over. I guess I can scatter that in the woods. I put his big pillow in the trunk of my car and laid him on it. There was a smell, but from the excrement leaking out of his body, not decomposition.

When I got to the vet school the person who took Harry's body was a vet tech named Jean who works in the oncology department. I remembered her as the one who checked Harry in for his visits 8 years ago. She remembered Harry and me. I let her take him away in a wagon but then I asked if I could say goodbye again. I sat with him and petted him and talked to him for about 15 minutes. I knew I was taking up a needed exam room, but nobody bothered me. My cell phone kept ringing with work calls and I ignored it.

Then I covered him up and I left. There isn't anything thats going to make me feel better. I took good care of him but every creature is mortal. He was a great dog.

Sorry if this is morbid- I had to get it out.

[Longhorn]

15. You'll be glad that you took that time with Harry.

Don't feel bad about the less expensive cremation. Harry will be with you in your heart, not in his ashes. :hug:

I think your idea of keeping some of his fur was a good one!

[undeterred]

16. Thank you, Longhorn.

I feel like crap. This affects me more than most people dying. But its uncomplicated. The love of a pet is so pure. I did as much as I could for him.

[BrklynLiberal]

22. Keeping some of his fur is a wonderful momento.

I know of several people who have kept it in lockets or such, and are so happy to have been able to keep a part of their beloved furbaby.

[undeterred]

23. Thank you for saying that.

I felt like keeping something tangible, and to me fur is better than ashes.

[BrklynLiberal]

27. I agree. It is a part of who he was when you had him next to you...

[ceile]

17. So sorry!

:hug:

[alstephenson]

18. Uh oh, here come the tears....

My kitty died at home after a relatively lengthy illness. Unfortunately I was asleep and awoke to find her cold lifeless body. I wish I could have been there when she passed; I'll forever regret that. I'm glad you had the opportunity to be with your furbaby when he died. R.I.P., sweet Harry.

[undeterred]

19. Thank you

A good friend of mine had the same experience as you did with his cat this summer - so I do feel lucky to have held him in my arms as he passed. I wasn't quite sure what was happening and for the longest time I kept expecting him to take another breath. Death is just so hard to believe.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

20. My deepest condolences, Undeterred

Harry loved you dearly and will always live in your heart.

I lost a 14.5 year old Peke last year and still miss him every day even though I have 2 other dogs. I went through many of the same feelings you did as he declined. I didn't want to have to put him down. I wanted him to go peacefully in his sleep, but now I realize that I would have wanted to be there for him. And I was because I did have to take him to the vet so he could be released.I have his ashes and a beautiful memorial box/photo frame for them, but have not been able to take the tin they are in out of the little black gift bag from the crematorium yet.

Do you know the story of the Rainbow Bridge? http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

You can add Harry to the next Candle lighting ceremony....http://rainbowsbridge.com/CandleLighting_Tribute/default.htm

[undeterred]

25. I heard of that before but I never read it.

I am a believer and this is such a comforting thought, especially to think of him young and playful again.

I'm sorry you lost your Peke. Some people told me I should get another pet before Harry passes but I said no, it would break his heart- he's always been my only dog. Each pet is unique.

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

26. Another one who needs you will come to you in time.

My current second one was a foster dog that I ended up keeping.

[yellerpup]

21. I'm so proud of you for letting him go the way he wanted to go.

So much better than letting the vet handle it. RIP, Harry. He was a great friend who had a great friend. :hug:

[undeterred]

24. If he had to go this was the best way.

I would have put him down if he was suffering for a long time, but this all happened in less than a day. I am so glad I was there for him.

[AZBlue]

28. I'm so sorry.

It was so good that you were there when he passed. He's now out of pain and will be with you always. :hug:

[undeterred]

29. thank you

I miss him every day.

[AZBlue]

32. I wish I could say you won't miss him after a while but that's not exactly true. However -

the missing completely changes. Your memories will make you smile, not cry. And you'll know he'll always be with you. The pain subsides and you'll just be grateful that you had that special little one in your life, even if it wasn't for as long as you'd have liked. :hug:

[Neecy]

30. Harry sounds like a wonderful friend

And you're a pretty special person to adopt from the pound and give a second chance to a deserving guy like Harry. There's a bond that comes from an animal shelter adoption that's very beautiful.

I lost my Lhasa Apso - also a pound adoption, 18 years old - last April. I'm still heartbroken. But I've been reading the most fascinating book by Rupert Sheldrake, a British biochemist. It's Dogs That Know When Their Owners Are Coming Home and Other Unexplained Powers of Animals. He believes that dogs have a strong psychic bond with their primary owner and offers a large range of case studies. If this psychic bond does exist, then Harry has never left you. I believe his love and energy will always be with you.

You're in my thoughts and I'm sending a hug your way...I know how much this hurts.

[undeterred]

31. thanks neecy

18 years, that is amazing!

I definitely had/have a bond with him. Every time I had the chance to rescue him I did- first from the dog pound, then by cancer treatment, and twice when he got sick from bloat. This time I really didn't know until the last few minutes that he was dying and all I could do was be with him.

When Harry was going through his cancer treatment I read Caroline Knapp's "Pack of Two: The Intricate Bond Between People and Dogs". It was great to see that I wasn't the only one who took an animal relationship to mean so much.

[undeterred]

33. I came home and found a small package in my door tonight.

The return address was the Veterinary Medical Teaching Hospital at the University of Wisconsin. Harry was cured of a sarcoma there 8 years ago, so I left him there for autopsy the day after he died.

At first I thought maybe they were sending me his ashes, but I hadn't paid for ashes. Then I thought maybe the autopsy report, but no. Inside was a clay pawprint from Harry, with his name painted on it. There was a green ribbon which stands for animal cancer, and a tag with his name engraved on it.

And there was a card with a picture of a leonberger on it. 6 or 7 of the staff signed their names and expressed their sympathy and kind words about Harry.

These were caregivers, animal lovers, who really appreciated what a dog can mean to a human. I can't remember when I've felt so deeply touched. :cry:

[REACTIVATED IN CT]

35. What a nice memento. And what a thoughtful group

of caregivers.

[DainBramaged]

34. I have been there, thank you for sharing this with us.