The 17 year-old had her court day this morning

[Robb]

TrogL, what is it with 17? :)

Anyhow, she was picked up for minor in possession of alcohol, implied consumption. Her mom and I were sorry she got arrested, on the one hand, but glad for the opportunity for consequences to present themselves.

For background, she moved out to an apartment with two other teenage girls about three blocks away roughly three days before the cops picked her up... about a month ago, now. We were solidly against it, but in the end the independent streak won out.

Thanks to my work, we were able to spend a lot of time with the DA before her court date, and she got the book thrown at her. Sentence deferred, with the condition she 1) pay a $110 fine in two weeks, or a $135 fine in three months; 2) submit to an alcohol abuse evaluation, and comply with whatever recommendation the evaluator says -- most likely a program; 3) 24 hours of useful community service, and 4) no unexcused absences from school before she graduates at the end of next year. Zero.

Any failure to comply with any of those conditions vacates her deferred sentence, and she's back in front of the judge. If today is any indication, she's feeling the heat, and is starting to see it's not all fun and games out there.

I took the opportunity to remind her the door, her comfy stuff, and the kitchen is always open back home for her. Her mom reminded her she wasn't going to help her with any of it, from money to setting up the community service or the alcohol evaluation, since she was "living on her own."

I think by the end of today we'll have a better understanding as to how it's affected her. Big hug from me (she thanked me for being there in court with her), and off to work I went.

We'll see... dang, though. I've only been in the picture six or eight months; I feel like a quarterback brought in with 5 minutes on the clock and we're down 77-0. :)

[cally]

1. You are incredible!

I have no idea how you handle this when you just moved into the house. I have a 17 year old daughter and it's a challenge. We've gone to court for a protest and speeding. My sister went to court for her 17 year olds drinking and driving. What is it about 17 year olds?

[Robb]

2. My mother likes to remind me

...how much of a challenge I was at 17. To be fair, it's true... I was skipping school and riding Greyhound busses two states away to visit my girlfriend, not letting anyone know where I was.

Karma, I suppose... I can only hope I manage to have some positive inflluence on this one. As near as I can tell, this is when boundaries get pushed and parents are considered the most worthless forms of life on earth -- while at the same time being totally taken for granted. Which is fair, as I think about it; of course mom will always be there, eh?

The trick, I think, is to selectively bail them out, literally and figuratively. ;)

A mountain climber I once interviewed made an excellent point. He was talking about getting caught in an avalanche at 19, losing three friends because they all made foolish choices, heading out when they knew snow conditions were sketchy at best.

He said, "You don't learn anything by getting away with (stuff). Success is nearly as worthless. You only learn by failing... if my friends hadn't died, we would have been out there the next day doing the same stupid things."

[Bouncy Ball]

3. Wait, you're the stepfather???

You just rock. You sound like you're doing a fantastic job. Keep it up, she's lucky to have you and her mom in her life!