My daughter's skipping school - again

[TrogL]

I don't know how she thinks she's getting away with it. They've got a computerized tracking system and the vice-principal calls me when she starts missing.

Time before last I threatened to rip off her bedroom door (she likes her privacy). Last time I escalated it to kicking out her boyfriend. Last night I had a long chat with both of them.

She says she's skipping because she's so far behind she'll never catch up (news to me). I've told her to bring her books home and I'l talk to the teachers next week.

I also removed her bedroom door and reinterated threat about boyfriend.

Any other suggestions?

Note: she's a bit of a wild child, like her mother and her sister. I'm trying to avoid her following in her sister's footsteps (single mother of two kids, different fathers).

[CornField]

1. I think there is a reason why they are little at first

If they came out with teenager problems, hormones and attitudes, we'd never bond with them! (much less be willing to have another)

I think the door removal is a good thing -- my 13-yr-old's door is gone as well.

I guess my only piece of advice is 'be consistent.' Don't threaten it unless you are truly willing to carry through on it. Maybe it's time for you and her to sign a written contract of rewards and punishments?

[SW FL Dem]

2. I don't have any experience with this,

but it sounds like you are doing the right thing. I think the most important thing in disciplining kids is consistency and following through on your threats. Kids, especially teens, need to know that there are consequences for breaking the rules. The consequences have to be meaningful.

I am lucky my teen is a pretty well-behaved kid. He knows that if he misbehaves, he will lose the thing he treasures most (the right to play golf). He also knows that if he screws up too badly in school, he will be ineligible. My son has a friend who is constantly being grounded for a month, then his mom relents after a few days. They take away his video games for a month, but he whines and gets them back after a less than a week. He has learned that even if he gets in trouble, he can talk himself out of it. I pity his parents when he gets to high school.

[mopinko]

3. we did that door thing also

it was helpful. our issue about that had mostly to do with stealing. so, we figured, we are not secure around you. you can't have security here either.
she is almost 18, and settling down. but it has been a very long road. it took us a long time to figure out that she is bi-polar. everything that she did seemed to be just a slight exaggeration of "normal" teenager abnormal behavior. but they all added up to more than a little.
it's the worst, tho. remember that it is the final test of fitness to reproduce. if you survive it, you can. spin out of control? probably not. life and death shit this child rearing crap.
makes me wish i had religion sometimes.

[TrogL]

4. at least she brought her books home

and apparently attended all classes yesterday and reminded me about her Spanish class today.

[Sabriel]

5. Sounds exactly like my sister!

If it will make you feel any better, she turned out to be a wonderful person, got her Master's degree and has a partner and three neat kids. It just took her a few years to get her shit together, I guess. (And we all hated her during that period....)

[wildeyed]

6. I was such a bad teenager.

I took drugs, skipped school and had a 25 year old boyfriend. What really helped me was getting into an alternative school. Well it didn't help much with the drugs or the older men, but I did manage to graduate from high school. I just hated traditional schools, never felt that I fit in. So I skipped to get away. I liked the alternative school. We were encouraged to think and discuss, not just regurgitate. It was interesting, so I went.

Good luck. Teenagers can't be easy. Mine are still little, but I am sure I will have to deal with it someday :scared: