Get your venom flowing ....... what culinary tools/techniques ought to be outlawed?

[Stinky The Clown]

I have many in mind, but I'll start off with a simple one.

Squeeze bottles.

It started with these, in diners, refilled from the Jug-Os (Jug-O-Ketchup, Jug-O-Mayo, etc.) by the waiters.



Okayfine .... no harm, no foul. But then we got these:



And all kinds of concoctions - from the sublime to the odious - found their way inside. FancyFadChefs starting signing the dinner plates in thin raspberry chili guacamole spread squeezed onto the plates they served. From here we moved to these:



They were the favorites of the IAmSoGreatINeedToBeExtraPreciseChefs.

I tended to take a crust of the "FamousCardomonAndWetSoxEleventeenGrainBread" and dab all that crap on the plate into a sort of finger painting of my middle finger.

The only squeeze bottles in our kitchen are the ones that left the grocery store that way. They have labels like "Heinz" and "Gulden's" and look mostly like this:

[hippywife]

1. Personally, I would outlaw

any food packaged in plastic containers. I would outlaw outsourced bakeries and butchering instead of having real ones in every grocery. I would outlaw food producers using free trade agreements to grow stuff in other countries in order to dodge the herbicide/pesticide laws in this country.

Mine's kinda a long list so I'll leave it there, Twinkletoes. ;)

[Stinky The Clown]

2. Following along on that .......

I would not so much outlaw supermarkets as encourage the many individual stores they replaced. The butcher, the fishmonger, the greengrocer, the bakery and the pastry shop (two separate places), the deli, and the various ethnic specialty stores.

To the extent I am able, I still buy from these people. The only thing I can not buy unless I make a day trip of it is from a butcher. Even the 'butchers' in Baltimore's famous markets are really just retail outlets for meat butchered and packaged by Someplace Else, Inc.

[hippywife]

3. Agreed!

Wouldn't it be lovely to have all of those craftspeople in a nice little area like a European market square?

Anytime we do something for the sake of convenience, it seems the trade-offs are very high and not worth the price.

[BluRay01]

4. We're really lucky...

to have the Reading Terminal Market here in Philly, and our farmers' markets have a really good variety of produce as well as meat, eggs, baked goods, and even dairy at some of the larger markets. My mom lives in a small town in Oklahoma, though, and they have a farmers market that lasts a couple of hours on a weekday morning, and I'm fairly sure it isn't year-round. I know that the slow food and Buy Fresh, Buy Local organizations have done pretty well at increasing availability of locally sourced foods. But I completely agree that a collection of locally owned, locally sourced shops would be far, far better than the megamart. I would love to see the trend move back toward the smaller businesses.

[hippywife]

5. I live in a small town in Oklahoma, too.

The farmers' markets all close up shop the beginning of October. I do volunteer for and buy from the Oklahoma Food Coop, too. Trying to reduce what I need from the grocery store.

Also one of the coop members came up with this place:

https://www.stxorganics.com/

I'm getting ready to place an order. Not local but sometimes regional is the best one can do.

You really are lucky to have a huge year-round market like that. :hi:

[spinbaby]

19. We no longer have town centers with real markets

All we have is a farmers market in a parking lot once a week.

[eleny]

7. I'm with you on the mom and pops

I found a green grocer, albeit only opened April - November. But it's a good place with local produce. Across the street and a block down is a butcher who smokes his own meats. Pricey, but you know how it's worth it. The hams are unique to his flavors. And he carries wild game meats, too.

I sure miss fishmongers, though. Out here in the middle of the country they're not abundant. Even after all these years I haven't looked that hard but should.

We're blessed with two small Italian groceries nearby. One better than the other but I shop at both. And a couple of miles away is a Polish deli run by an immigrant family. Heaven to me. I could even stop making my own fresh kielbasa.

All this used to be within walking distance of the house where I grew up in Queens. But I'll drive miles and miles to get the goods these days. Would you believe that even Mexican bakeries are not as abundant as they used to be out here. But then an artisan baker opens a bakery on the west side of town and bakes northern Italian style goods and heaven opened its gates for us again.

These days, the thrill of the hunt is part of the shopping experience.

Happy New Year to you and Sparkly!

[wildeyed]

9. My sis lives in Australia where they still shop like that.

At first she was annoyed by having to go to all those different shops, but now she loves it. They also still dry laundry on a line.

I buy meat locally from a guy at the farmer's market. I have a milk man who delivers milk to my house in glass bottles and picks up the old ones to be re-used. The milk is not certified organic, but it is local and less processed than the grocery store variety. I grew most of my own veggies last summer, and get fruit from the farmer's market or the organic produce delivery company. I am contemplating buying a few chickens in the spring. So little by little I am moving to a saner, healthier way of shopping and eating. But it is work!

[hippywife]

10. You're right, it is work.

But we're finding that if you do it a little at a time, as one thing gets to be routine, adding another, it's much easier. And so worth it.

:hi:

[Warpy]

6. I have one squeeze bottle

that I use for reduced balsamic vinegar to squeeze on everything from veggies to ice cream. I don't use it to put precious little dots over a mostly empty plate to cover the fact that my portion control is extremely parsimonious and you're supposed to dine for the artistic experience instead of the nutrition, a forty dollar sea scallop at a time. I use it to drizzle the balsamic right onto the food where it does the most good.

I've already talked about foam, easily the worst fine dining fad ever.

Tall food was nearly as bad, rickety edifices extending up to your nose that defied all attempts to alter the structure into something edible without ending up with three quarters of it on the tablecloth and in your lap.

I rather dislike the "dinner as theater" concept when food is sliced, diced and flambeed right on part of the dinner table by a bloke who spent more time learning juggling than cooking. Bring it out on a plate, thanks, and I don't really want to know what's going on in the kitchen.

Home cooking fads that should be buried forever are the use of cream of mushroom soup, marshmallows, and jello as anything but their originally intended forms as soup, snack, and light dessert.

[wryter2000]

25. You pushed my buttons

Teeny tiny portions on huge plates at astronomical prices. Someone once called it "The one perfect raspberry school of California cooking." I hate to even let someone else buy me such a meal, and I'd sure never spend my hard earned $$$ on one.

A prof of mine once looked at his dessert at THE iconic restaurant in these parts and cried, "Someone killed the baby eclairs!"

For the most part, I love ethnic restaurants with formica topped tables, preferably with many family members doing the work.

[Tab]

8. Funny how mustard keeps cropping up there

I really hate mustard. There are a few nicely done types that are okay, but the bright yellow tumeric laden varieties are just vile.

I'll tell you something that I like that should not be outlawed - I think I started doing this after working at a deli or something when I was a teenager - but we kept a shaker with a salt and pepper mix so you could quickly salt and pepper the sandwiches. I bought a cheap shaker thingie (like you might use for confectioners sugar or something), mixed up salt and pepper and I just keep it in the spice rack, and it's really convenient.

But mustard, ewww.

[Kali]

11. weird food crossing

granted some turns out OK but I'm sorry, I don't want juniper berries and peanutbutter on toast with caviar or sandwich ingredients rolled up in a tortilla and labeled a "wrap". I like sandwiches and I like burro/burritos. Please keep the ingredients to their proper starch carrier.

It is not great cooking to take two completely noncompatible ingredients and mix them into an expensive small portion on a large plate (complete with dots of thin raspberry chili guacamole- great example, btw :rofl: )

mmmm juniper berries and peanutbutter on toast with caviar

[Dover]

12. Deep fryers

Doesn't matter what kind of food gets deep fried, they all taste the same.
You could deep fry roadkill and wouldn't know the difference.

People would be in a lot better shape if we didn't deep fry food.

[Stinky The Clown]

13. I would modify this juuuuuuust a liddle bit.

I would put on the list "dirty deep fryers and badly fried food".

Done well, deep frying actually imparts less grease to food than does sauteing. Or even baking. Or making a salad with dressing on it. The culprit for the bad 'same' taste is dirty oil used to cook a variety of foods. That is made worse when these foods are cooked at the wrong temperature. Too-cool frying medium results in greasy foods.

Cooking improperly prepared food also matters. We have much in the way of convenience foods that, if one reads the instructions, one would discover that it was intended that one would fry said foods from the fully frozen state. Thaw those foods, even a little, and they become grease sponges. On the flip side, well prepared fresh items that are properly fried are really very good and relatively low fat.

As but one prime example .... English fish ... as in fish 'n' chips. The fish is crispy on the outside, then a thin layer of breadyness without greasiness, and then the fish ....... perfectly cooked, flaky, moist. Nirvana.

Or as executed by the Arthur Treachers chain, gloppy and greasy from having been accomplished by kids in summer jobs riding the fryers while stoned.

It is all about technique.

[Tab]

18. I'm with H2S on this one

Well fried food is yummy. Unfortunately not everyone knows how to do it.

I would say the three biggest mistakes are:

- Using "too clean" oil.
- Using oil past its prime
- Mixing certain foods.

Mixing certain foods is a sin more common than I would like. I know a particular place that I swear cooks everything in the same frickin' fryer, and considering the volume of business they do, there's no reason for it, other than the fact that they hire teenagers that don't know any better. French fries taste like chicken fingers which taste like clams. Some foods should be reserved. Clams are really nasty in regards to their effect on other foods. Not everyone has multiple fryers, so you just have to know which is which. Most places, though, seem to be pretty good at separating out the foods that affect others (tastewise). This one particular place, though, I hate - it all tastes the same, and none of it is good.

"Too clean" oil. You actually don't get the best frying experience with purely clean oil Chemical soaps (not like detergent soaps) are used to break down certain molecules and on brand new oil you don't get that. Oil is actually better if it's been used a few times. The easiest way is to reserve a cup or two of your used oil, the rest of which you will discard, and place it in the unused oil. Otherwise you get - as in the case of a french fry - a product that seems "too clean", although it's hard to describe.

Oil past its prime - you get limp crap. I don't think I need to explain this, it's pretty common.

And, my personal bitch point, I don't mind if my burger is warm - it doesn't need to be steaming hot - but fries should be done last. A hot crispy fry is priceless. I hate having lukewarm fries, and it's not a big deal to fry them up at the last second - they don't take long. Too many places let the fries sit in the basket and toss them on the plate 10 minutes later. But, anyway, that's just me.

[catnhatnh]

23. What you and Husb2 said....

As for deep frying adding grease...only by mistake...fried coatings are SUPPOSED to absorb a little...the food at the center-not so much. That said when preparing bacon at the local burger stand, bacon that needed to look good was prepped on the flattop but when rushed or when laying flat and looking good was immaterial deep frying was 5 times as fast and 10 times easier. And deep fried bacon LOSES grease...and adds a certain something to subsequent fries...

[Tab]

24. No, what I meant was add grease to brand new oil

to sort of "break it in". After a few fryings, you don't have to bother, but in a commercial setting you often don't get that option, particularly with a 5 gallon fryer or whatever they are.

And it's odd - this is the second time in a few weeks I've heard about deep-frying bacon. Maybe it's because I'm from the northeast and we just don't do it here, but anyway...

And, FWIW, and apropros of your comment of the bacon adding something, Belgium, which is where french fries originated (although I've never been there) traditionally fries them in horse fat. Now, I used to own horses, so I won't go there, but the use of animal fat to lend flavor to fries is well known.

I don't know what Al's uses, but this is the best goddamn place I've ever been for French Fries. Unfortunately, they stopped putting out malt vinegar to have with their fries and switched to white. I remarked on this on my first return trip in some 20 years and the guy at the counter said the new owners were trying to save money. Some people have no respect for french fries.

http://www.alsfrenchfrys.com/

[catnhatnh]

27. Actually we are in New England....

We do add back some "seasoned" oil when changing out the fryer. The bacon thing we do to save time. Bacon that needs to lay flat and pretty on something we prep conventionally. I mentioned the bacon to demonstrate that proper deep frying can actually lower fat content....

[Dover]

29. Okay, I think I'm seeing a trend...

so I gotta ask.

Is this love of grease a guy thing?...lol :P

[catnhatnh]

34. Not sure if it's a guy thing....

...that said, I'm sure pro-(the proper amount of)grease. As in the crispy margin of grilled pork chops or the edges of prime rib. An egg can be cooked in a thin bath of water, but I'm certain that isn't part of God's plan...Chicken soup is a fine and tasty thing,yet even Mrs. Grass saw the need for a golden egg. I'm not swearing that fat-free is the devil's spawn but I wouldn't argue against it. You are what you eat and I'm a (semi) fat guy....

So Dover...does your screen name make you a local? Because I run a little local hot dog stand were the grease sizzles ALL day.....And I got a chili-dog that kills.

[Dover]

37. Mmmmmm.....that chili dog sounds lethal.

I'm an olive oil or butter fan myself, and avoid deep fried altogether.
But I have been told I 'sizzle'. :P

I know, I know....I'm such a girl.

"Dover" =
................

[Tab]

22. Oh, and speaking of roadkill...

http://www.road-kill-cafe.com/roadkill.html


Enjoy.

[NashVegas]

14. I'm Not *That* Hardcore

Although, as I said in the MG thread, anything that includes intellectual property rights needs stamping out.

Otherwise, I'd live and let live outside my own kitchen where if you use an improper knife for a task, you'll have the proper one handed to you.

[Inchworm]

15. Unreadable expiration dates

The dotted ones that are Greek and the wee small ones that you need to study to get right.

Why can't there be a standard font/size that we can actually read?

:hi:

[Phentex]

17. Yes! Especially when the 08 and the 09 are so similar...

I had to call for backup to check one of the dates the other day.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

16. Misuse of the term "stir fry"

It's a cooking technique, not a recipe.

I hear, "We're having stir fry tonight."

You might just as well say "We're having bake tonight."

Dumb.

[spinbaby]

20. I'm guilty of that

What I usually mean is that I'm stir frying any and all vegetables in the bottom of the fridge to clear way for the next shopping expedition.

[hippywife]

31. We're having clam bake tonight.

}( :rofl:

I do say stir-fry, too, but just as shorthand.

[spinbaby]

21. The sugar printer

I've only encountered this once in a very fancy restaurant. Dessert arrived enclosed in a sort of hard sugar wall with the restaurant's logo printed on it. The waiter explained that they had a new printer that would print anything on sugar using food coloring. Inedible and tacky in my opionion.

[Tab]

26. Tacky, maybe, but I was impressed.

From my computer science background. Someone figured out that you could take an ink jet printer, replace the inks with food coloring, make an overhead printer (meaning it could sit over the product, rather than a sheet feed) and shoot food coloring in the form of an image onto food (typically cake icing).

May be tacky, but kids like it, and I was impressed from an innovation standpoint.

[troubleinwinter]

28. Dumbest thing I've ever seen....

"Iced tea in ten minutes!"



My mother had a jug of iced tea in the fridge every single day of my life. I do now too. Handful of bags & few cupsa water in a saucepan on the stove for a few minutes. Add cold water. Neither of us has ever spent ten minutes, nor have we bought a dedicated electrical doohickey.

[hippywife]

30. That's one of mine, too.

It ain't rocket science to make a pitcher of tea. For lack of any other method at hand, you only have to sit it outside.

:hi:

[sandnsea]

36. lol

That's funny. I call them gadgets for people to figure out that they've got way too damn much money.

[NMDemDist2]

32. and what was with the "Blackened" craze?

I never got that

just call it burnt on the outside and raw in the middle. Not saying I never ate anything like that, but then I learned how to cook.....

[hippywife]

33. Ummm...

I think blackened tuna is pretty awesome stuff. :yoiks:

But that's the only thing I like that way. :hi:

[sandnsea]

35. Blackened catifsh

equally good.

:hide:

[Dover]

38. I was waaaaay ahead of the craze.

Some called my dishes burnt and I would have to correct them and call it "blackened". :P

[hippywife]

39. Hey! My blackened cookie sheet and pizza pan

are the best ones in my kitchen. Stuff don't stick to them at all.

[InkAddict]

40. Beating the Meat

for Swiss steak - the flour flies all over everything despite putting it between wax paper which then rips to shreds - it ought to be outlawed, I say

I'm not fond of the many-bladed pastry blenders either - criss-crossed blades - ouch!

As you can see, I'm not into physically "violent" cooking techniques.

[Stinky The Clown]

41. So the side of a heavy, bone weight meat cleaver used to flatten baby cow meat is not on your agenda

?

:)

I'm sorry .... I couldn't resist! :blush: