Dinners from hell?

[Tab]

There is a classic story in my family - my aunt was making Thanksgiving dinner, and she's not that much of a cook (althouogh she means well), and I guess trussed up the turkey too tight, probably with stuffing, and upon checking it blew turkey chunks all over the kitchen - ceiling, everything. A lesson in physics, I presume, and container pressure, but it didn't make the day. I have no idea what they ended up eating, but I doubt it was turkey chunks.

I think I have my own memories, but have thankfully relegated them to oblivion.

[Hekate]

1. 'Nuther turkey story...

Sally, a friend of my mom's, had the thawed turkey out on the work table. When she turned back to it she saw the cat's tail waving out of it -- the silly kitty had managed to get itself entirely into the bird's cavity.

As Julia Child so aptly said when she dropped a leg of lamb in front of a tv camera, "You are *alone* in the kitchen."

Hekate

[badgerpup]

2. You MUST have a mishap during a Thanksgiving family dinner.

It's in the basic laws of the universe. Best way to handle this is to have a small one every year; e.g., the drain in the kitchen sink gets stopped up*, or somebody accidently drops one of the pies on the floor sort of thing- but it's got to be accidental. 'Accidently-on-purpose' doesn't count.

This way, the mishap pressure doesn't build up, and you don't end up with three or four "oopsie-free" years...but then follow up with one really huge or tragic situation.

At least that's MHO...:shrug:




*had this happen...plumber was very nice about being called away from his own turkey dinner, even though he did charge holiday rates.
Sent him home with a bottle of homemade wine...:beer:

[yellowdogintexas]

5. one of my double ovens died right in the middle of baking the hot rolls.

Fortunately the turkey was already cooked.

[NMDemDist2]

8. the first year the in-laws visited the new house in AZ I tried putting potato peels

down the garbage disposal. Not so good.

the men got the pipes all pulled apart as Mom-in-Law washed dishes in the bath tub then hubby got called out on a work emergency and FiL and I had to pull out the dishwasher and clear the pipes. my FiL is a dear, but was getting a bit 'vague' by then.

It took a while......

[pengillian101]

3. Turkey Popcorn Stuffing**

4 eggs
4 c bread cubes
2 c chopped celery
1/2 package of onion soup mix
1 c uncooked popcorn
seasonings of your choice
Beat the eggs well and add all of the other ingredients. Stuff it into the cavity of the turkey and place the turkey into a roasting pan. Bake at 375 for 3 hours.

When 3 hours are up, get the hell out of the kitchen because that stuffing is going to blow the turkey’s ass right out of the oven.

** Don’t try this at home!!

[Tab]

4. Where the hell did you come up with that recipe??

Holy shit.

Just the visuals are intimidating.

[wryter2000]

6. My birthday from hell

My stepson decided to make me breakfast in bed. He scrambled some eggs and dumped a can of Veg-All into them. I could barely gag them down.

My hubby decided to make dinner...roast beef and mashed potatoes. He cooked the roast into leather. He asked for instructions on making the potatoes. I told him to peel them, cut them into large pieces, cover them with water, and boil until they were tender. Then, before he asked for more instructions, he mashed the potatoes into the water. He tried pouring as much water as he could off, but it was like watery gruel. Again, I choked it down.

What can you do when they mean well?

[NMDemDist2]

7. Mr. Ketchup and the fire department have a deal. He doesn't cook

they don't visit :rofl:

although he does manage Top Ramen if I'm sick.....but his usual response "That's why Dog created HungryMan dinners"

:banghead:

[wryter2000]

11. Oh dear

My dh once stocked up on Swanson frozen pot pies.

[hippywife]

12. Before we were married,

mine used to live on Patio frozen Mexican dinners and beer. Neither have been in this house since I have. :hi:

[pengillian101]

14. What can you do when they mean well?

That is just the sweetest story I ever did hear. Your family just LOVES you! So, they can't cook. Big deal. Order in.

[housewolf]

9. Has a Golden Retreiver

eat a whole Honey Baked Ham one Chritmas afternoon while the family was out visiting someone.

Now THAT was a disappointment!


Oh, yeah, the dog survived but had lot of you-know-what for a few days! Another time he ate a frozen turkey - stole it out of the freezer. Another time 3 fruitcakes...

(I can laugh about it now, years later!) :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Hekate]

13. That dog might have written this...

"All dogs prefer prose, especially this one; I died in the summer of 1965
following an episode with unrisen bread -- I ate a bowl of dough
and then went to sleep in the sun.

Big mistake."

by John Irving's dog, Marrow

(from the outstanding book "Unleashed: Poems by Writer's Dogs")

[pengillian101]

15. Mischievious dogs and how we still love them!

My favorite dog was from the pound. We didn't know his real name for a very long time. We tried lots of names - no response. Well, it just so happened a relative was working at the dog pound and revealed IVAN's real true name and personality. What a hoot that was to call him by his name and his first response! Mr happy!

Irish Setter he was. The happiest dog I ever knew - when he was with people. Left alone, he was miserable. Took him hiking, camping, fishing in a canoe, winter skiing = anyplace outdoors, he was happy. Poor IVY, he plumb wore out his foot pads more than once. Bought him some leather foot slipper-type footwear for dogs. He liked them! Toe-nail slits provided traction.

I miss Ivan still - after all these many years.

[pengillian101]

16. No, butt...

My Ivan just hated to be left alone for more than a work-day. Can't imagine how he knew - even though a neighbor let him outside to do his business.

More than a day - he would just destroy any food w/in his reach. Overnight - a dozen chocolate donuts demolished on the bedspread. And grabbing the end of a toilet paper roll and running all over the place over and over.

[MountainLaurel]

17. My father was telling me recently

About an instance where our golden when I was a child ate a platter of fried chicken. Same guy who got the closet door open and ate our Easter chocolate, in bags in the back under my mom's shoes.

[eridani]

10. Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers Thanksgiving

--always comes to mind. Fat Freddy decided to go "natural" and buy a live turkey, which met it's demise with an overdose of reds. Phineas and Franklin ask him "What did you stuff the turkey with?" Fat Freddy: "It wasn't empty."

[Retrograde]

18. If you're making a chestnut stuffing for that turkey

it really helps to shell the chestnuts first (no, I didn't do this: a friend who considers herself a good cook did).

Another friend once tried to cook a turkey on his outdoor grill. One side caught fire, while the other remained raw - at least that side was salvageable.

My own "disasters":
-one year we decided to cook the turkey slowly, at 250, in the large bottom oven we never used since it was so big. Started the night before, expecting a cooking time of about 18 hours. It was ready at 6AM. The dinner was scheduled for 5.
-the temperature reading on the thermometer showed the turkey, rather than cooking merrily away, was holding at a constant temperature. The oven element went out in the middle of roasting.
-plumbing problems always seem to schedule themselves just before the guests show up.
- this year, we bought the largest turkey we could find, looking forward to leftovers. The turkey came out perfect, succulent and tender. Unfortunately, the horde of vultures a.k.a. my friends devoured the whole thing. Not really a disaster, but we ended up making a much smaller one for ourselves the next day
-I once got distracted and forgot to put sugar in the pumpkin pie I took to a pot luck. Several people pronounced it the worst pie they ever had.