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Choose from the following foul:
Dead or sitting duck, big turkey, or chicken-hawk
(Guts will already have been removed from chicken-hawk, so stuffing may proceed immediately)
Remove backbone, but bind the bird with Duck Tape in hostage posture to give structure and an impression of unity.
For an unexpected taste sensation, marinate the bird-brain in alcohol
forming it into a pretend head-shape,
placing where the head would ordinarily be.
Expect brain to shrink further in the heat.
Pluck bird, and feather the nests of the already wealthy and well-connected.
Create a stuffing of Rummy Rice and selected nuts.
Simmer in a cup of extra virgin 10-40 oil.
Then bake in white phosphorus (if unavailable, substitute napalm).
Line and press stuffing into every open pocket.
Turn heat setting to intolerable.
Place bird on rack and torture out of sight until skin falls off the bone or until Constitutional lawyers stop you.
Skewer the wings together. Once bird is done, remove the left wing completely and discard.
For flambe or blackened bird, toss in an I.E.D.
Cover duck, or duck and cover, as you wish.
Offer the bird to members of the press when they start to ask real questions.
Invite lobbyists to dinner first, and save them the most tender flesh.
Serve lying repeatedly on a bed of Saudi sand, and present with straight face and talking points.
When all have gathered, prey over the community.
Follow the same recipe for Cooked Goose, but invite a few grunts on their third military tours for a last supper.
Send carcass and leftovers (if any) to New Orleans for a homeland gumbo or stew.
....................................................................Copy right Dinah Kudatsky 2005
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