impending electron shortage....

[mike_c]

Received via a listserve I subscribe to:

Scientists are becoming alarmed at the rate of consumption of electrons. It seems that at the present rate of use, and sequestering of electrons in computer memory chips, discs, CDs, DVDs, and the like there will be a planetary shortage. That will cause the influx of extra-terrestrial electrons to accelerate. The ensuing galactic paucity of electrons may be the harbinger of universal collapse and the end of time as we know it.

This could be HUGHER than BIRD FLU!!!!

Apologies to the mods-- I couldn't help it.... :evilgrin:

[Poll_Blind]

1. Sweet! Let the proles starve, I want one last game of Donkey Kong! n/t

PB

[dogman]

2. Oh no! The internet is sucking me in!

It's created a blackhole.

[htuttle]

3. We all need to start rubbing our stocking feet on carpeting!

The more static electricity we can generate, the better! We cannot let this electron gap continue!

[jbnow]

4. I'm not worried

I have been stocking up on electrons for eons.

They take up so much less room them those bulky protons.

[Crunchy Frog]

5. Which country do we have to invade

to insure a continuing supply of electrons? Or are we going to have to invade another planet?

[NNadir]

6. As the nuclear advocate around here...

...let me point out that electrons can be made by beta decay.

:crazy:

[GAspnes]

7. Have we reached Peak Electrons with that approach?

And I have some wonderful stock in an electron mine out West.

[NNadir]

8. Well - what nuclear power advocates like me don't tell you about electrons

...is that nuclear power is responsible to some extent for electron depletion.

Uranium-238 goes through 16 nuclear decays naturally, and 6 of them are beta decays, giving six electrons and 10 helium atoms.

When a uranium atom fissions however, it generally gives two radioactive nuclei that yield as few as two electrons when they decay. It is true that the electrons produced in nuclear reactors are available more quickly than from the decay of uranium - which takes billions and billions of years. Still, we need to think of the needs of future generations for electrons. Nuclear power won't cut it.

They may also need helium. How will birthday parties be conducted in the future under these terrible conditions?

I think it is high time that humanity act against electron depletion. Let's get George W. Bush excited about the issue. Maybe Halliburton can corner the world's supply of electrons, no?

I also think we should find excuses to invade countries with lots of electrons. I have heard that Australia has many electrons. As we know, the Australians are frequently involved in terror, particularly when they've been drinking. It's time to act against the terrorist John Howard, who is using his electrons-for-food approach to destabilize South Asia.

[GAspnes]

9. Free the electrons!

More natural fission! More beta decay!

It's cruel and unusual to keep sub-atomic particles locked up like that. Free them all -- protons, neutrons AND electrons.

In other news, a demonstration was held in Australia today by the rapidly-growing QLF (Quark Liberation Front) calling for a repeal of the laws of particle physics. In a statement, they said "For too long have the gluons held sway in their secret prisons, a Quark gulag, in the cores of particles. It is time for the gluons to release their control and free all quarks immediately."

[Orsino]

10. Wondered why people on this board were so negative. n/t

[NNadir]

11. I'm not positive and I certainly don't want to give you any static, but

I think I understand what you are charging. Although your remarks have bearing on current events, the situation is actually not electrifying. I'm not shocked by any of this, and certainly I have not intention of employing a volte-face. In fact we should probably show some resistance to the flow of this entire line of inquiry, as it is likely to result in high tension. We should probably move on to another field.

[htuttle]

12. Watt do you mean by that?

You seem sort of amped up, you know?

I tried to stop myself from posting this, I really did, but couldn't help it...

[Orsino]

13. Had enough of this.

I'm going ohm.

[oneighty]

14. How can you resist

this thread?

180

[NNadir]

15. OK, I guess we've come full circuit.

All of this was powerfully funny. Maybe we've exhausted to potential though. We could proceed with another battery of jokes, I suppose, but I'm not sure of the pluses and minuses. More than likely this whole thing is terminal, and I don't know how to conduct any more of this, so, for a switch. I'll keep it short. In any case I'm sure that I can't generate even another pun, so on that note I'll try to rectify my mistakes and desist with further amplification.

[oneighty]

16. I am reluctant

to impede the flow so I will condense it to one word. Reactance.

I guess. I learned those words years ago in mine warfare school when vacuum tubes were state of the art.

I may even have spelled them wrong.

But if the universe is entering entropy perhaps we are running out of electrons?

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