Why real women are ruining their health and why they shouldn't be...

[DWilliamsamh]

With the widely reported death of the former Ms. Venezuela due to complications of cosmetic surgery I was reminded once again about one of the laments I have about what our society does to women in terms of media images and the pressure to be what they see in magazines and on television and movies. The only difference between this woman killing herself for "more back" and American and European women killing themselves wit anorexia, is teh pervasive images they see in their respective media.

Not being fully familiar with the fashion culture of south America I can really only speak to how OUR media sets a ridiculously unattainable ideal for the women around me.

That is the insidious nature of the images we see in media and the fact that "fame" seems to require the women who gain fame to comply with those images if they want to keep fame. Courtney Cox and Jenifer Aniston are prime examples. Most men I know love both of them (me personally Jen is a top five all timer in terms of looks and "personality." (I only use quotes because I can only judge determined on what I read - never having met the woman). Almost every man I know thinks they both looked better when they were just starting out before the pressures to look like clothes hangers made them loose weight to waifish proportions.

So the women in our lives see these images and the glorification of these already beautiful women get even MORE intense as they loose weight - and these women (our mother s sisters, wives, significant others etc) conclude that "that's what men want." So when we tell them we love their real bodies and prefer women to be soft and curvy, they all doubt our sincerity. It is a nasty thing.

At the risk of being politically incorrect here is my theory of the origin of this dynamic: The fashion world. Designers don't WANT a woman who stands out or commands attention in her own right, even as an object. They WANT women to literally function as clothes hangers with beautiful heads. After all the show is about the CLOTHES, not the models.

Add to that the FACT that men behind the scenes in the fashion and entertainment industry (the dressers and makeup artists etc) are mostly gay (let the flaming begin) and you will understand why the male influence in that world pushes women to look less and less like women and more and more like men - no boobs, no hips, no butts, and much taller than the average woman. Based purely on looks - which is what we are talking about. The REASON Jessica Simpson, and Shakira, and J-LO are the favorites of heterosexual men - is because their bodies look like WOMEN - not male bodies with the head of a woman. So be PROUD of your curves ladies. Love your softness just as much as your man does. And BTW - I KNOW I am totally generalizing about "what men want" but I am doing it from many conversations with MEN. LOL There are definitely men who want nothing more than a size zero, just as there are those who love them some SSBBWs. But the majority are in the middle - just like most women are. And the middle ain't size 0-4.

Of COURSE there is more to women than looks. Why else would all the women I just mentioned have been through divorces? Obviously daily issues of compatibility - intelligence, temperament etc is a two way street as well. It is not all on the woman. LOL I am only limiting this to looks because that happens to be the topic.

Now most of this post was made on Huffington Post in response to their report of Ashlee Simpson defending her sister Jessica's weight and looks. Fast forward to this afternoon.

So this afternoon I turned on my TV which happened to be on Bravo from the night before, and "The fashion Show" was on. This is a show I would normally turn of immediately, but in my just awake, no caffeine state I left it there and had part of my theory confirmed. Within three minutes, the finalists (it is apparently one of those illumination reality shows) where fitting their designs for the final fashion show on models. none of the clothes (which they designed and constructed in their respective studios) fit the models. One said, "this is why I like models to be proportionate. That way they don't interfere with the design." And that was a WOMAN saying that. Proportionate my ass. That dress couldn't even fit on HER body. And then a gay male designer lamented (after not being able to get his dress on ANY of the five size zero, 5'11" models available) that he would have to let out his design. The dress could NOT fit over any of these anorexic women's hips. So there you have it - the fashion world (and this show is run by Isaac Mizrahi love his personality and his clothing for men), the arbiters of what cloths should look like on women, literally make clothes that no women, not even actual fashion models, could actually wear.

Ladies, from a physical perspective, keep yourself in relatively good shape and stop trying to be a size 2. Forget and ignore what air brushed magazine models of womanhood "tell" you you should strive for. The men in the real world where you live will love you for it.

[Brickbat]

1. Unrec. For so many reasons.

[Skittles]

2. three things

1) it's "lose", not "loose"

2) I am a size four and I am a REAL WOMAN

3) You are correct - I see many gals killing themselves to be what they don't need to be - they look great the way they are

[DWilliamsamh]

5. I apologize for characterizing size 0-4 women as not "real."

What I SHOULD have said was "average." Really, I am sorry. I had no intention of marginalizing thinner women - the entire point of my post was to try and say to women in general that they (including the naturally thin) should just let themselves be what they naturally are. I only meant to emphasize the message for the larger women out there, the average women, who have an extra "burden" imposed on them by the images we all see glorified every single day, sometimes hundreds of times a day.

I will try and edit if the editing period hasn't expired.

To those who unrec'd - I have no problem with that. I don't expect or need everyone to agree with me. I do want to add though that this post being about body type and what is attractive to me and most of the heterosexual men I know - is intended in NO WAY to imply that the look of a woman's body is the only valuable factor in attraction. I was only addressing that factor - that doesn't mean other factors of intellect, humor, personality etc aren't just as important in initial attraction. That's why I stated such toward the end of the blog post. In fact I think those factors are MUCH more important in terms of long term romantic relationships. But "what makes a good long term romantic match between men and women," wasn't the topic I was writing about.

[Skittles]

8. aw I know, D

it's just that sometimes us small gals get miffed at that "real woman" thing.....us gals come in all sizes and you are right, we should all be accepted :)

[DWilliamsamh]

9. Thanks for understanding....

As someone who definitely knows (despite the topic of this post) that there is so much more to a woman than her body size, I have the same feeling about women as I do about music: why limit yourself to one "type?" You will just be missing some of the best experiences you could ever have. The full range is appreciated and loved.

And I can totally understand what you mean about the "real woman thing." I would think your feelings would be analogous to my own when I hear people talking about what a "real" black person is. I am not dark skinned, I don't speak in urban slang (not that there is any thing 'wrong' with those things), glorify violence against women or anyone else, and though I love Snoop Dog as well as choral baptist performances, my musical tastes skew mostly to alternative rock of today and pop rock of my youth. yet even black folks tend to want to exclude me from the tribe so to speak. It must be hard to hear (especially from women) that because you are thin or of smaller stature that somehow you don't "qualify" as a "real" woman. LOL

P.S. I have always had trouble with lose and loose. So thanks for the reminder.

[DWilliamsamh]

6. Just tried to edit and teh editing period has expired...

So once again... I am sorry for the poor choice of words on my part. No offense was intended, but I certainly see how my word choice could have been MUCH better.

[frebrd]

3. K&R!

[SouthernLiberal]

4. And this is why I gave up....

Paying any attention at all to the fashion industry. I do my best to take care of myself, and I wear what I want. If I don't find clothes that look good on me, I don't buy them. The fashion industry only survives at it's current level by persuading women that buying something new will somehow bring them closer to an ideal that fashion models do not even reach (I refer you to the recent air-brushing scandals).

Sadly, I did not get here without pain. In a world where is it is possible for a size 0 to be 'too big' - imagine how I felt after I had spent a year literally starving myself when I discovered that it did not matter how thin I got, because my bone structure is a size 14. I had lost all the fat I could, and a good deal of muscle mass, and still, my shoulders and hips were size 14.

So I know well that the fashion industry really doesn't make clothes for women. They make clothes for the bottom line.

[DWilliamsamh]

7. Agreed....and I am glad you made it to a place of personal comfort.

I am only sorry it took the pain you endured to get there. Rock on!

[femrap]

10. The OP

needs to get out there and talk w/ the boys about their desire for Eye Candy. Women are just doing as the the culture dictates.

Here at DU, feminists are detested and ridiculed.

[DWilliamsamh]

11. Umm..... the entire post comes from my conversations with men "out there,"

And we all have had the experience of telling a woman we love that we love their bodies as well, just the way they are and getting "the stare." I believe I said something similar in the OP.