I need help in writing a character for a short story

[truedelphi]

For the last week, I have had a series of very odd dreams. Being a writer, I am inclined to use what ever dream material I can sort out, and often this is easy enough to do on my own, but this time I need help.
Bear with me for a moment, and you will see why I am posting this in this forum.

In reality, I am a middle aged woman who has been a life long hetersexual person. I came of age when it was a requirement (practically) to fool around with people of both sexes. But you can't untwist your twist - I am doomed to be hetero despite the fact that when much younger, I have had people of the same sex come on to me who were richer, prettier and kinder than most of the gents I have known. In some cases, some of these people became friends, after they realized ten minutes into knowing me that I am not gay.

So here's the thing - lately I have been dreaming that I live in a very sheltered RW community. It is located in a rural area (oregon? California? Tennessee? Don't know - it is very lush with trees and hills, and enough rain that I can rule out Texas or Arizona, etc.)

It's taken three nights of these dreams to realize that I am not a woman in these dreams. SO last night, this "other" self was encouraged to take a woman to a "social" and she came on to him, (that is, "me") not in a modern early twenty first century way, but in a very sweet and tender way.

I/He felt horrible, but rebuffed this woman, somewhat with the "tonight I have a headache kind of approach"

The constant thought inside this character's head was "This person is not one of those I can be with." That is pretty much verbatim what I/he was thinking. I also know, from hanging out inside these dreams, that this person's only concept of homosexuality is what he has been taught - that gay people hang out with each other and committ sins. Therefore this character "knows" he is not gay, because he certainly would NEVER hang out with people for the purpose of scorning Jesus, whom he loves. (In real life, I am a fallen away Catholic, and have a certain regard for Jesus but not the true committment this "other" self of mine represents.)

Now it is obvious to me that this character in my dreams is not very highly sexed. When the woman in the dream came on to him, he was happy someone finally wanted him - it was just this person was -Well the gut feeling that I received was that this woman was "alien" to whom he was expecting. Their whole body was wrong.

The character in my dreams lives in a very sheltered environment. It's not like in San Francisco, where you would turn on the local TV channel and see men talking about their relationships. All he knows about the gay community is that they scorn Jesus. He doesn't scorn Jesus, so he "feels" he isn't gay.

So I am now wondering where this person will find an ability to be free and acccept his gayness.

Have any of you had similar things occur when growing up? Thinking back in time of commentaries I have listened, My gay and lesbian friends all seemed to "know" instinctually that they were attracted to the same sex.

I am trying to determine if my character is "gay" or if he is simply, as critics say Kafka was, asexual.

All comments welcome.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

1. If you're a writer,

use your imagination. That's what a writer does. The character is whatever you want the character to be.

It's all up to you. The freedom of fiction. (I'm assuming you write fiction.)

[truedelphi]

4. The imagination encouragement is accepted, I love encouragement

But even in writing, I have always used research.

Wrote a series of fiction pieces about a woman who was a mountain climber. I talked to people who were mountain climbers - as I didn't know the terminology of their equipment. And am too clumsy to attempt that particular sport.

And I also enjoyed their descriptions of how certain things felt. One mountain climber said the best thing abt MC is that when the weather got rough, you were sometimes forced to build a snow shelter. He went on to say that his life inside this structure was the most sublime, quiet and beautiful life he had ever known. I'd have never have come up with that without talking to someone with those experiences.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

5. Research is one thing

Drawing characters is another.

Talk to your agent or your editor. They'll fill you in.

[readmoreoften]

10. No, I thank you for doing research. I've sat in too many MFA workshops with

students who "write from their imaginations" on what it means to be gay and--lo and behold--they create a straight person's idea of what a gay person is. Every frickin' time.

There's nothing wrong with research. My advice is to research extensively and then stop researching and write. You don't need to talk to people on chatrooms. I would read memoirs of gay men and fiction with gay male characters that real LGBT people have found of interest. Read anything that sparks your fancy and won a Lambda Literary Award. This will also help LGBT writers.

[truedelphi]

11. Thank you for that. I could "See" the holes in my

In my notion of what a young gay person would be dealing with.
I am glad that some of the material came to me in a dream state. If I had used my usual techniques, I probably would have subconsciously stuck this person with a version of my parents. But now the parents are uniquely his. And as they are exceptionally caring people - I am further imagining that somewheres down the road, they are going to expand their vocabulary as far as what a "child of God" really constitutes. (Though I am sure this is not an overnight journey but one taking months if not years.)

I will try and take advantage of the sources you mention as well.

[hermetic]

2. I would suggest

you post this in this group: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=245

You'll get good opinions on the nature of your dreams, your reality, etc.

And I wish you great luck and happiness in your journey to discover who you really are. Or writing a character in your book.

From a fellow writer/seeker,
Peace

[Hydra]

3. Sounds gay to me

But maybe not completely? One of my gay friends say they have the same reaction to the notion of pairing with the opposite sex as I do to the idea of pairing with some of the same sex- the urge to hurl.

The problem is his religious conviction- especially if they harped on Sodom and Gomorrah...or like my family- "sex is unholy, period."

You could probably go either way with it, but regardless, your dream person is being repressed/repressing some sort of urge...

Ok, try this(I write sometimes too)- Fastforward in the story to when he loses it and has a sex fest. What kind of sex is it, what type of partner and did he enjoy it at the time before his guilt came back?

[Toasterlad]

6. Can I Buy Some Pot From You?

Okay, in all seriousness, it sounds like you've already got things pretty well worked out, and you're just talking your way through it out loud. There are as many different coming of age stories as there are people, homosexual or not, so whatever this character "feels" will be valid, as long as you have the talent to write him three dimensionally and don't force anything.

However, if you really need to dwell on what makes closeted, religion-controlled guys tick, stare at this picture for 45 minutes:

[truedelphi]

7. After that photo I need some pot!!

All mylife I have heard that Cruise is gay.

And I always assumed that he knew it and acted on it, but this photo shows the truth.

HE HAS A WOODIE FOR OPRAH!! AND WON"T REST TILL SHE"S HIS!!

[aquart]

8. Have you outlined stories in dreams before?

I always assume the story is already written, and it just needs to be dug out. An archaeological approach.

You're telling me he's deeply ignorant, of himself, and of the wider world. So how does he come to knowledge? Will he come to knowledge? Who will help him? Anyone? Who else is there in his world? Are they content with being there?

As for his sexuality...look for his joy. Where is his happiness? What isn't grey in his life. He loves Jesus? Or simply doesn't scorn him? Jesus hung out with 12 guys...what happens to him when he reads the passage with the naked runner? Does he mentally avert his eyes? Or is he reading his bible and looking inwardly at that naked, fleeing man?

Perhaps he is asexual...how does he find fulfillment? What does that mean to him? Does he feel anything is missing? What does he do all day? How removed is his daily work from his body, his soul, his desire?

Where is his joy? Why is he insisting you know him and tell about him?

I once had a character I thought I knew (after all, I created him) who suddenly started screaming at me. Wouldn't let me do what I'd intended at all.

He exists now. But you know very little about him. My suggestion is that you sit him down in a room and ask him questions. Hell, ask what the room looks like. Whose place it is. Talk to the guy. Do an interview.

[truedelphi]

12. Great advicewith great details to help me on the road to finding this character.

I will attempt to employ those techniques. One thing that came through in the dreams is how much he enjoys his rural life, the youth outings and the time on the river.

He's considered prime material to become a youth pastor, as he enjoys working with younger kids.

When he comes out, it will be a shock for most of the others in his Church. He was one of their bright rising stars.

[aquart]

14. So you already know he's gay and he's coming out.

Things are moving along.

[truedelphi]

16. I know it's funny but the subconscious works on things even when

The author doesn't think that is happening.

And I now "know" this young man is gay, but if anything he is less driven by sexual needs, I think, than most people I knew when me and my friends were that age. (Of course, maybe when he comes out, and has a taste of the sexual world, he';ll discover an appetite for it.)

I'm glad the subconscious does a lot of the work. That part of writing is nice. The hard thing for me is that after something is written, I don't know how good it is.

I have had things that I thought were excellent, but others hated, with not a single person finding anything good in my words, and other things that I thought were mediocre that almost everyone loved.

[mitchtv]

9. sounds like a guilt, tripped, gay, survivor of Catholic school

still wanting to be on the right sidr of the law. Why would I think that?

[truedelphi]

13. Anything's possible.

If there are any very rich, wildly attractive, and totally giving lesbians aboard this forum who wish to partner with a grumpy, oft-deluded and rather selfish control-freak (on my good days!), Please feel free to PM me.

On the other hand, I'm not sure you have to be that rich. If you are able to pay the rent and provide my Cherry Garcia, let's talk.

[Occulus]

15. Shit, I lived this

Search my user name in this forum for any posts regarding my parents and PM me if you have any questions. Mine is the quintessential "bad coming out story".

[truedelphi]

17. Thank you greatly, kg (If I can be familiar)

I'll ask questions if something I find puzzles me.