Is this Homophic in your Opinion?

[romantico]

A friend of mine who is gay told me this. His ex boss stopped in where he worked last night to visit with ex co-workers/friends and told my friend in conversation this:

"I'm not homophobic. I tolerate your kind."

I couldn't believe it. He, as a gay man saw nothing to it. Now, I'm sure he knows the guy and for all I know maybe this dude isn't homophobic,but I think it was still a dumb thing to say. Am I over reacting or should I just mind my own business?

[Rockholm]

1. Yes, it is.

[maddiejoan]

2. As they say

"That was mighty white of him".

[slackmaster]

3. Yes, I believe it is

Referring to a person as a member of a "kind" or "type" is a red flag for me. It usually indicates bigotry to some degree.

[begin_within]

4. "tolerate?"

That sort of implies there is something unacceptable that has to be tolerated. If he was truly not homophobic, the whole subject wouldn't have even crossed his mind, thus and he wouldn't have even said anything about it.

[Solly Mack]

5. How magnanimous him

Next he'll give his permission

Asshole

[zabet]

6. Yes it is.

Toleration is nothing
but apathetic, resigned
or forced acceptance.
:puke:

[romantico]

10. Thank You

Thank You, I was being accused by others present of being hyper sensitive. I got the feeling the others who heard this thought gays get upset of any damn thing. Of course, if I had said I tolerate stupid guys with small dicks I doubt no one would laugh. What kind of gay man is okay with what he said? Like I said, I don't the guy. Maybe he just had a moment where he said something dumb. We all have them, but I really think it stems from some truth. I could be wrong though. Thanks for making me not sound hypersensitive.

[zabet]

11. ...

:hug:
I do not see you as hypersensitve.
I see it as seeing the world as it is.
Ugliness and all.

[GodlessBiker]

7. I can see Grace saying the same thing to Will. Did he have a smile on his face?

Is this how the guy usually talks? Has there been this kind of banter between them before? You really need more information to make a solid judgment on this.

[yardwork]

8. Horrible.

[dipsydoodle]

9. I'm straight but am horrified at that remark

When my younger sister told me she was gay I just said "and".

[xchrom]

12. a lot of people will tolerate me -- right up until

they have the power to actually lock me and mine away -- or worse.

[unpossibles]

13. yes it is, although if they have a history of joking around with each other, it might help

Hard to say, but I think it's offensive. When in doubt, I try to imagine how it sounds with any other group: "I tolerate women" or "I tolerate blacks" is offensive.

Maybe he meant to say "accept" but language is often a subtle tell on how people feel. Again, we all sometimes put foot in mouth, so I would not fire up the angry mob just yet, but it is a red flag at least.

[sam sarrha]

14. if people knew more about reincarnation.. like if you hate gays, you get reborn gay.. or whatever

your hate leads you to so you can learn what it is like on the other end... i had this explained to me during a particularly unpleasant divorce.. it woke me up...

[UncleSepp]

26. Tell me more about that.

I got born into what could have been a perfectly normal situation, and walked right into a situation that could have been one of those fateful reversals all on my own. Not only all on my own, but all on my own and not ignorant of the um, distant past. I'd be interested to know more about what you think about it.

[cloudythescribbler]

15. Sure, it's not, to put it mildly, ideal consciousness -- But nobody can claim unbigoted perfection

especially when you consider these things (as here) existing at an unconscious level. It takes a society where the forms of oppression have long since ceased for anything approaching ideal "politically correct consciousness" to become the norm.

This does not mean that I would necessarily let a blatantly condescending remark like this slide without correction (such matters are much more ticklish to address in real time), but remember that ALL such correction needs to be tempered with humility. It's just something for progressives to keep in mind -- we need to be an open progressive movement.

I noted that many were outraged on a related "pc" issue when Obama said that many 'good moral' blah blah people in the black community did not welcome our gay brothers and sisters. There is something here (solidly in the MLK tradition, and the training of organizers & such) that Obama GETS that many in a venue like DU don't fully appreciate.

I hope I don't get tagged as 'soft on bigotry' by some for saying this -- it wouldn't be the first time. But I have long felt it very strongly ...

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. "tolerate your kind" is homophobic and rude. imagine a white person saying that to a black person.

[RaleighNCDUer]

17. I'd say yes, and no.

On the surface the comment appears homophobic. The person who made it may honestly not be. But the reality is, we have no training in our society for how to discuss such things because the society, as a whole, IS homophobic.

Just like the old scary phrase "some of my best friends...", when the society itself holds the bigotry, any conversation about that bigotry is colored by the society as a whole.

"Tolerate" is, semantically, the opposite of having intolerance. It's generally interpreted in terms of grudging acceptance, but there is nothing that says it HAS to be grudging. Tolerance and acceptance are, for all intents and purposes, equivalent, and are what we all strive for. "...your kind" merely acknowledges that there is a difference. It can, but does not necessarily, imply bigotry - it can mean simple difference. In this society we are not schooled in how to talk about differences - it's one of the great social taboos. So, you get clumsy statements that sound worse than they are. Particularly if the speaker is operating outside his own realm of experience.

I tend to give the benefit of the doubt. The statement could be interpreted as "I'm really homophobic, and I'm uncomfortable, but I should be polite" or as "I don't want to be homophobic, and I'm uncomfortable, and oh shit did I just put my foot in my mouth?"

[qb]

18. I'm not racist but...

(insert racist comment here)

[Tektonik]

25. precisely

:thumbsup:

[closeupready]

19. I don't know if I think it's homophobic, but how would it sound to say, "I tolerate minorities"?

Condescending and has a protest too much quality to it, IMO.

[Tyo]

20. Exactly

Tolerate? You tolerate that which you dislike or are uncomfortable with but are resigned to living with cuz you can't change it.

Your kind? Substitute an Afro-American or an Asian, or a Latino
for a gay in this situation and let's see who is being hyper-sensitive.

[Tyler Durden]

21. Wha Clem ah got a NIGRA sharecrops my back 40.

Who the fuck has enough chutzpah to still talk like that?

This is the result of a stunted and backward educational system, with some delightful religious fundamentalism thrown in for flavoring.

[queerart]

22. To Bad The Vapid Prick Didn't Add......

But I Don't Mean You.... You Are Different!


As long as they speak their hate with a smile on their face, they feel it quite acceptable to talk in these terms....


The (2) things that never fail to amaze me is........




1.) The Repugnant Feel They Have A Right To Say These Things.....



2.) Many Queers Feel It Is Quite Acceptable To Be Spoken To Like This....



... and when one fights back, or calls them on this type of bullshit, these bastards are shocked.... and feel you must have some kind of "anger issues" or you wouldn't get so steamed about the digs they have handed out all of their lives with impunity.

[Chovexani]

23. It's assy and rude and definitely homophobic

"Your kind" is right up there with "you people", IMO. Not to mention "tolerate".

You "tolerate" a fucking skin rash, you accept human beings.

[davidinalameda]

24. uh yes it is

[mitchtv]

27. I'll go with offensive and rude

Yeah and probably homophobic.
Dammned white of him