My son is gay. Please recommend a website that offers support to parents

[patricia92243]

of gay children. I love my son dearly, and it will help me be a better mother.

I just read what I wrote and it sounds like my son is a little boy. He is a grown man, and I am from a generation that didn't know or understand anything about being gay.

I will greatly appreciate any help. I'm sure there has got to be a site that is more helpful, informative, etc than others - sorta like DU is the gold standard for us Democrats!

[Vanje]

1. PFLAG

pARENTS AND fRIENDS OF lEBIANS AND GAYS

www.pflag.org

[deadparrot]

2. Have you tried PFLAG?

http://www.pflag.org/

[jonnyblitz]

3. check out the PFLAG website

they are the main group for "parents and friends of lesbians and gays".
http://www.pflag.org/
:hi:

[xyboymil]

4. How old is your son? These sites will help...

www.pflag.org

www.hrc.org (The Human Rights Campaign).

Glad he came out to you. It is never easy and its a new process everyone goes through including family and friends. Good for you for asking about sites or resources that can help.

[DesertRat]

5. Check out PFLAG

Parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays.
Hope this helps.

http://www.pflag.org/

[Smarmie Doofus]

6. DU is actually a sort of halfway house for the *profoundly*....

disturbed but you might want to google PFLAG... aka... Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They might be called PFFLAG ( added "Friends" some years back)now.

We like to do all sorts of strange things with acronyms... for some reason.

He'll be fine. You'll be fine.

[donco6]

7. What they said, and . . .

I've been living as a gay man for 15 years now, and I've never been happier. I love my life; I love my partner of 8 years; and we both have a wide circle of friends.

I wanted to say that, because parents often see homosexuality as sort of a handicap - like being mentally disabled or something - and they worry that their kids are not going to be happy in life. I can say that that is completely false. So don't worry. PFLAG can help, I highly recommend them.

[patricia92243]

10. Wow! You hit the nail on the head in one short post - I DO worry about my

son being happy. I know this sounds stupid. but I just assumed he didn't - and never would - live a happy life now. That goes to show you how VERY MUCH I need a support group.

The consensus seems to be PFLAG is the best and that is the one I'll try,

Thanks everybody - our DU family alway come through!

[Rowdyboy]

12. The only thing thats changed is that you know him better and he doesn't

have to pretend anymore. I'm going on 17 years in a committed, monogamous relationship with a wonderful man. My mom loved my guy far more than any of her other childrens spouses. When she was very ill, and needed a place to stay, Michael welcomed into our home and treated her as a son would a mother.

And just think-your son will never love another woman more than he loves you! No competition ever!

[bigwillq]

14. "Coming out"

was the best thing I ever did. Sure, they're are some difficult times, it happens to every family, but it will be the best thing for your son. I'm glad he was able to 'come out' and it seems like you are a person who is open-minded enough to accept this.

That is great. Yes, you can be happy and live a "normal" life even if you are gay.

My best to your son, yourself and your entire family!

:hi:

[readmoreoften]

28. I'm another happy gay person with supportive parents.

Congratulations on supporting your son. My parents don't even blink at the fact that I'm a lesbian. I am so in love with my partner. We have been absolutely blissful for years now. She is the love of my life. I can't imagine a more supportive, caring, wonderful, creative relationship.

The more you accept your son and his partner (or partners, if he's still young at just beginning to date), the better your relationship will be. My parents welcome my girlfriend at all holidays, they are comfortable with us holding hands and hugging and being ourselves and we have the most wonderful relationship with them because of it. On the other hand, my girlfriend's parents are polite but they are ashamed that their daughter is gay and they expect us to pretend that we are 'just friends'-- even through holidays and celebrations I have to make sure that I don't accidently call my girlfriend 'sweetie' or stand too close to her. It's stressful and depressing.

As a result, my girlfriend prefers to spend time with my family and dreads going to hers. If you want to keep your family strong, treat your son and his partner with the same respect and love that you would your heterosexual children.

You're doing the right thing by asking for help so that you can understand how to be a good mom to him!

[kevinbgoode]

29. I'm afraid that the Right has always influenced society

with the idea that gay automatically equals unhappy. . .so your feelings are really only natural. However, that is neither a universal case nor a blanket reality for gay people. Yes, we have similar struggles over loving someone and being loved ourselves, how to plot a career and promote stability in our lives, etc. And there are negative experiences, though most of them occur because of our treatment by others.

Your son sounds very bright and very capable of making his decisions - which means you, as a parent, did a very good job. The important thing, I think, is to do your best to never make him feel left outside the family, and you certainly don't sound like the kind of person who would do that to anyone.

I came out many years ago. . .well, in the mid-1970's. . .though I did not tell my parents and siblings until a few years later. While my family seems to love me (my nieces and nephews..even the grown ones, think I'm the most fun to be around) I'm sometimes left out of family get-togethers because my life seems like an unknown quantity to them. It's not..necessarily intentional...I think sometimes they assume that, being gay and now single (but they were much the same way when I was partnered) means that I won't be interested in more traditional family things. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
In actuality, I like being part of many gatherings. . .I came from a very large family and have many siblings and extended members - and I like watching them grow and change over the years.
By the way, that distance hasn't really made me unhappy, either - it just seems rather sad that families back then have to go through so much to come to a better understanding of themselves and learn about how we still fit into the home.

I think it is wonderful that you want to do so much to know your own son better, and to seek answers to so many questions that you may have about his life. I can imagine that, as a mother (which often must be such a thankless job..)..you truly want to be able to relate with him about his life as much as possible, and I commend you for that. And I think he'll see that coming from you as well. . .and love you all the more for caring enough about his life to want to always be a close part of his experience.

[jonnyblitz]

26. nice post. i am gay and single and as happy as can be..

I couldn't imagine being any other way! :hi:

[soothsayer]

8. Yup, PFLAG.

[kweerwolf]

9. Definitely look into PFLAG

They are a wonderful supportive group.

Many PFLAG parents I've met say that when a child comes out of the closet, the parents often go into their own sort of closet. PFLAG is a way of meeting others who have been in the same situation and learning from their experiences.

Another possible source of on-line info for you might be the LGBT$Q Online Encyclopedia at www.glbtq.com/

It can answer a lot of your questions about the LGBT community and culture.

Best wishes to you and your son!

[ToolTex]

11. Dear Patricia, congratulations to you and your son.

It is wonderful that you gave him the confidence and love to have the courage to risk telling you who he truly is. Your reaction is exactly as it should be. Where and how do you learn about this and what does it mean for him and you.

PFLAG is a great suggestion. I also recommend the little book, Loving Someone Gay, by Clark, I think.

Both of you are going to be fine. Better than you probably can imagine right now. Try hard not to claim that he being gay is something you did. It is neither fair to blame yourself, nor take credit in the future when you are actually proud of him. You didn't do anything wrong. You can't take the credit, because you didn't do anything to make him gay.

Take some time to get educated about real gay life and unlearning the frightening stereotypical claptrap. Today most gay people live safe, fulfilling, good lives, often with loving partners and even children.

Welcome to the Family.

[readmylips]

13. I don't like the word 'gay'...is there another word...

for describing people of same sex preference. Your son is just what he is: son. Love him with all your might.

[ToolTex]

15. There are lots of other words. I kind of like Gay best and I are one.

I think it fitting. Most of the gay people I have known are well described by the word. But I do look forward to the day when we are described merely as people.

[Ian David]

16. Person With a High Score on the Kinsey Scale? n/t

[ToolTex]

17. Cute Ian! I'll buy that.

:D

[Maat]

18. Hi, Patricia92243!

I'm on the board of the local PFLAG.

If you go to www.pflag.org , the site will point you to your local chapter.

We strive to provide emotional SUPPORT to families, to advocate AND to educate.

Get started on a new affirming, exciting journey!

[caligirl]

19. Just had a horrible story relayed to me recently, my son was doing

work on college essays at school, a girl did hers on a friend who told his parents last summer that he was gay, before going to a UC he was accepted to, and they disowned him. He hung himself. He and his family are Asian and apparently that has something to do with their reaction. Although many react this way. College essay was heartbreaking, but read aloud to the class. The guy was also a student at our school.

So as the mom of two nearly grown kids my hats off to you for putting love first.

[shireen]

20. what's normal? what's unnatural?

That is sick! That kid committed suicide because his parents, whom he loved and respected, betrayed him! I wonder what motivates some parents to act so cruelly towards their own children. Now THAT is totally unnatural.
:(


A close friend of mine is gay, has a life partner. It was my first glimpse into the so-called "gay lifestyle". Huh? They're just leading NORMAL lives like anyone else -- having friends over for dinner, shopping together for household items, holiday family gatherings, dinner with both parents every weekend, vacations with parents & friends, etc.. Oh Wow! And did ya know that gay couples even bicker just like straight couples. If that's a "gay lifestyle", then most of us are leading it too!
:rofl:

[caligirl]

21. deleted

[kweerwolf]

22. They obviously didn't take you to the "special" meetings ...

... where we plot to overthrow the government, pass laws forcing straight people to eat quiche at least once a day and require that all street lights be equipped with simply adorable lamp shades with tassles!
:hi:

[libnnc]

23. don't forget the showtunes...

all strait folks are required to know at least a dozen broadway showtunes and must perform them from memory.

Compulsory reading early Rita Mae Brown novels too. ("Sneaky Pie Mystery" series won't count)

[kevinbgoode]

30. That is so very horrible. . .

and while this may be related to some Asian cultural reaction, there are plenty of cases where American fundamentalists have driven a child in the same sort of direction.

If you could find a link.. .or a location where this occurred, would you mind letting me know about it? I would like to read the newspaper accounts of this terrible tragedy.

[dsc]

24. Your son has had his life improved simply by being able to be honest

with you and having you accept that. It is very scary to face telling your family your gay but the relief afterward is amazing at least when it goes well that is. Pflag is great as is the HRC. If your son is just out of high school you might try GLSEN or the various gay straight alliances. Colleges often have gay rights groups as well.

Your son will be as happy as he lets himself be. Your acceptance of him will help him greatly in that regard. We really are just like everyone else.

[Rockholm]

25. Very nice reply, dsc.

[bluedawg12]

27. Welcome patricia- great to see you here and yes, he can

be happy.

My partner and I have been in a wonderful, stable, monogamous relationship for 19 years. Great career, home, and life.

Family acceptance and openness is a great help to us, as well.

Stop by anytime.

bluedoggy;]

[jonolover]

31. Your son is very lucky.

I wish I had a mother like you.