My Gay Thanksgiving

[Christa]

My mother, the matriarch of the family, will preside over a dinner table with my sister and me, my partner, our children and the gay baby daddy. Love is love and our family is the richer for it. But many black LGBT folks aren’t as fortunate as I am.

A few months ago over dinner with my mother, I leaned across the table and asked, “Do you wish I was straight?”

During a pause that seemed at least nine months pregnant, I felt myself dancing with the demon I thought had left my party long ago.

Over the past 20 years, my mother has moved from standing over me and shouting, “You are NOT gay because no daughter of mine would ever be a lesbian,” to assuming her place at the head of the large and colorful network that we call our family.

This Thanksgiving, she will preside over our crowded table like the stately queen of a small country. Our family includes my sister and me; my partner, Jana, and our 10-year-old son and 13-year-old daughter; Lorry, the gay man who fathered the children; and an assortment of friends, exes, aunties and god-children. I am thankful that when my mother bows her head and blesses our family, she means it.

Still, as I looked at my mother’s face that evening, trying to read the emotion I saw flicker across her brow, I wondered, “Does my mother really accept me for who I am?”

That is the central dilemma that plagues so many of us who are black and LGBT. The closet is a dark and lonely place, and even in the gay pride decade of Wanda Sykes, Adam Lambert, Rachel Maddow, The L Word, Ellen and Portia, Brokeback Mountain and Milk, many of us remain stuck inside. Whether we call it on the down low or undercover, large numbers of us are still sitting in the darkness wondering and worrying, will I still be invited to Thanksgiving if my family, my black family, knows I’m gay?

Full article

http://www.theroot.com/views/my-gay-thanksgiving

[beyurslf]

1. I think a better question to ask is if they are happy that we are happy.

I am gay and have 4 kids. One of them is gay. If I could change it, though, I would. As parents, we want what is best for our kids and being gay is hard. I wish he didn't have to go through that. So if I had a magic fairy wand to change him to straight, then I would. But I don't and I am happy he is happy. I am happier still that he didn't have to go through everything I did and I know that someday his kids will have it even better.

[imdjh]

2. Every now and then I wonder if my mom is accepting as she appears to be.

This is, after all, a woman who at one time had more gay male friends than I did because several gay men worked for her. Even so, occasionally she will say something which _suggests_ that she really doesn't get it. The last time was when she said something which would give you to think that she believes gay men to be women in men's bodies. I was a little surprised, but I let it pass because it really doesn't matter. In real life, I argue less, perhaps because I argue so much on line.

My mom had long instructed, "Don't ask questions if you really don't want to know the answer."

When we gather at Christmas, and our collection of family and friends includes all manner of the queer (some of whom are straight), Queer, and merely eccentric there is a whole lotta love. But what we need to remember when we think about this, is that "other families" aren't necessarily any more accepting of each other, certainly not absolutely accepting, simply that SOME of the issues are different. There is no guarantee that my mother would like my new boyfriend or my lover of 30 years, but the chances of her liking my new girlfriend or wife of 30 years would be almost nonexistent. This much I know.