I'm amazed...

[WillParkinson]

Since Paul and I decided to get married I've been telling people that I would normally dread telling.

Some of them live in small, fairly rural areas and the politics are decidedly right wing. To a person, each of them has said, "That's wonderful! Congratulations! When? Where?" No condescension. No hesitation.

People I work with, who have always been kind of put off by gay topics are congratulating me.

Of course, you still run into those other types who have to be jerks. Some things will never change.

But I find that if you give people a chance to know you, to understand your love, and to realize you are the same person you've always been, they might just turn around and surprise you and show you they love you unconditionally and are happy you found someone to share your life with.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. If I haven't already said so, congratulations!! (nt)

[imdjh]

2. Practice makes perfect.

Even people who are not malevolent often require time to absorb and adapt their thinking. To many people, you are walking into the room with something they have never seen before, and you are telling them that they have seen it before.

While I (as a gay person) naturally support equal marriage rights, even I haven't figured out exactly what I expect it to look like. Men referring to their spouse as "my husband", while being none of my business, personally doesn't work for me. Husband implies wife, at least it has up to this point. Spouse is ambiguous, and we've had way too much ambiguous expected of gay people. I would like to see a new word. Part of my resistance to "husband" is because it has been used in the gay community mockingly for so long. But if I have to choose between husband and the ipecac of "soul mate" then please, let it be husband.

[jgraz]

3. I remember my high-school girlfriend's folks telling me a very similar story

Her dad was black and her mom was white. They were terrified of telling anyone they were getting married.

[Chulanowa]

4. Don't be

Every single person who might be against gay marriage, is only against "them" having it. When it's someone they know, they're happy for the newlyweds, as you've found out.

Once again, this is the trick to turning the right. Most people on the right are, in all honestly, just as moral and humane as anyone else. They just have a propaganda barrier built up. They're against "them", not "you". This can be used to break through that barrier. Get them to realize that the people they lavel as "them" are no different from yourself

[NMMNG]

5. Congratulations

My wife and I also don't hold back at all. If someone asks one of us who the other is the reply will be, "She's my wife". We're not shy about saying "my wife" in conversation either. Once in a while we'll get an arched eyebrow or double-take but most people don't bat an eye. One day we'd just given a guy panhandling on the corner some cash and he asked if we were sisters. When he got the reply he shrugged and said, "Whatever floats your boat", smiled and thanked us for the money. As he was walking away from the car he told my wife to "take care of Aunte".

Really, we don't care if people "accept" us. We just want our rights, and for the bigots who refuse to change to leave us the heck alone.

[donco6]

6. It's a big step even if they're just saying it to your face.

I tend to be more cynical, having grown up in fundie Christianland, where someone can be sweet as pie to your face and then go and stab you in the back at "prayer service." But for people even to treat you well and offer congratulations is a good step. Who knows? Maybe the world is coming around.

[mitchtv]

7. When I sent out the email a year ago today

I got a few Cards and even a few Gifts, which we were not expecting as we had already been together more than 30 years. Yet that "married" thing struck some and it was a very nice suprise.

[WillParkinson]

8. Friends are asking "where are you registered?"

I thought that was funny.

[MNBrewer]

9. I'm amazed how many

extremely well educated, liberal, otherwise politically aware people I know are completely flabbergasted when I tell them that gay marriage is illegal (or was almost everywhere). They think it's legal, and we just choose not to. Then they invariably say "but that's discrimination!". As though they thought all government discrimination went away in the 60's. We need to reach them, and I think we probably have mostly. These encounters I'm describing were probably 10 years ago.

[NMMNG]

10. I'm disgusted

at how many people haughtily claim we're just being whiny brats because "you have your rights". They insist we have job protections, hate-crime protections, adoption rights, etc. It really makes me want to scream that people are so ignorant, particularly when they are on the left and claim to be our supporters.