A Question

[bertha katzenengel]

Please read this if you haven't already: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=3409888#3410613

I imagine most of us are out. But are you out visibly?

Do you wear things that identify your orientation (rainbows, triangles, t-shirts w/ slogans, etc.)?

Do you hold your Other's hand in public? Kiss in public? Just like *gasp* straight couples do?

Do you have bumper stickers on your car that the general public would recognize (like "here, queer, get used to it" rather than, say, the HRC = sign)?

Now: what kinds of reactions, if any, do you get in your city/town? Where do you live?

Please reply after voting. Thanks.

Also posting in the GLBTQ forum.

[nikraye]

1. My bumper sticker says...

SUPPORT OUR GAY TROOPS

[bertha katzenengel]

9. I like it.

Do you mind telling the general part of the country you live in?

[nikraye]

14. San Jose

There are a lot of gays and lesbians in our armed services. If they can put their lives on the line for this country, they damn well deserve full equality, including marriage rights and inclusion in the federal hate crimes act.

[kbm8795]

25. my bumper sticker says

I need to be spanked

[davidinalameda]

2. I have a rainbow kitty sticker on my cat

[bertha katzenengel]

10. cool

Thanks, DW.

[swimmernsecretsea]

3. Sorry. I don't have a car, so no bumper sticker.

Does having the most fabulously decorated office/cubicle count? I mean tastefully decorated in a Debbie-Travis-Candace-Olsen HGTV way, not filled-with-knicknacks-within-an-inch-of-its-life way.

It's color-coordinated in lilac. I've even got an orchid.

[bertha katzenengel]

11. Heh.

Sounds good to me.

[UncleSepp]

4. Other - I'm visibly confusing

I have a picture of my husband on my desk, and a poster advertising a Freedom to Marry rally on the window. I dress in a way that parses to most as "butch lesbian" - in fact, a woman I went to lunch with at work told me how nice it was to meet another out lesbian on the job
;-) - but I'm not a lesbian. Everyone seems to "know" I am some kind of queer, but very few know exactly what kind - and I couldn't care less.

[bertha katzenengel]

5. Well, AuntJen, you are MY kind of queer.

How's that? :hi:

[UncleSepp]

7. Good enough for me!

:hi:

I'll save the warning labels for dangerous things, and just keep going on my merry, confusing way!

[Meeker Morgan]

6. I'd say totally out, but I voted other.

Out to everyone who knows me, and most people can tell.

But I don't wear any trademarks.

I live in Chicago.

[bertha katzenengel]

12. thanks, Meeker.

:hi:

[Meeker Morgan]

17. You're welcome

I'm not comfortable with public smootching, but that's just bashfulness. Plenty of straights are the same way.

Where I live I wouldn't fear to do it.

[satyricrash]

8. --

I'm out to anyone who cares to know. i do not feel the need to plaster my belongings with a rainbow anymore than i would an american flag. i don't let symbols made up by other people to represent who i am and what i am about.

(i live in portland)

[bertha katzenengel]

13. thank you, satyricrash, and

welcome to DU :hi:

[Chovexani]

15. I'm as out as I can be

Bis tend to be an invisible minority, but doubly so when you're like me and have been in a long term relationship with one person (esp. when it's with a person of a different gender). So I try to be as out as I can...I find that I do a lot of "clarifying", just because I tend to confuse people, LOL.

I wear the little freedom ring necklace and have some funny queer-themed buttons on my purse. "Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians" and my favorite ('cause it's literally true), "Sorry I missed church. I was practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." :evilgrin:

I act exactly the same way in public with a same-gendered partner as I do a differently-gendered partner. No compunction about holding hands, little kisses, etc. I live in NYC so that's probably why it's not such a big deal--honestly, I probably catch more evil looks here due to the race of my partners rather than my gender. Hardly anyone batted an eyelash when I was dating a black Latina but lordy you'd have thought I had three heads and a tail when I was dating my tall, Nordic Amazon gf...and I get five times the dirty looks when I hold my Aussie male partner's hand in public.

Yeah, not as progressive a town as you might think, at least when it comes to interracial dating (but that's a whole other subject!)

[bertha katzenengel]

16. thanks to everyone - anyone else?

:hi:

[Boomer]

19. I'm out to anyone who notices...

...the framed photo of my lover on my desk at work.

Still, I'm not the most social person in the company, so I'm sure there are quite a few employees who simply don't know or who are blind to my low-key references. I mention my lover by name when talking about my life -- like what "we" did this weekend, visiting her family for the holidays, etc.

The HR contact definitely knows because she dealt with my application for partner benefits. The subject makes her a little uncomfortable, but I'll give her credit for doing her job well despite her personal twitchiness on the issue.

I work in conservative Northern Virginia, where even my gay co-workers are Republicans (no lie!), but I've never gotten any flack over being gay. I'm too old to bother with hiding the fact that I'm queer, but I'm also old enough not to shove it in someone's face. I treat my life as if it's just an ordinary existence... which it is.

[bertha katzenengel]

20. "I'll give her credit for doing her job well" -- and I do too, when faced

with uncomfortable people. It's a small concession to a societal "twitchiness."

:hi: Boomer (I work in DC, live in Chas County)

[libnnc]

18. I have a rainbow "Celebrate Diversity" sticker on my car

and I've worn several tee-shirts out publicly.

Sadly, though, my partner and I don't feel comfortable with PDA (except in a gay/lesbian bar). We just don't feel safe. We're in Winston-Salem, NC.

[GodlessBiker]

21. I'm out at work and with family and friends, but I voted "other."

I find that the simple inclusion of my partner as a part of my life as I interact with those I deal with on a daily basis, just as any straight person might do with his or her "spouse," is a very effective way to be "out," and cements hearts and minds with our cause. Rainbow pins and bumper stickers just don't seem to carry the same weight.

[Zhade]

22. Had to vote "other", I'm only half-out.

Mom knows, Dad doesn't. Some co-workers know, others don't.

No visible signs. I should have some, since this is SoCal we're talking about, but I don't have any flags or stickers or anything.

Even here, the climate is not always welcoming. I had to confront a coworker over his bigotry, remember.

[Stepup2]

23. Despite being out to family, friends, and co-workers

I voted other. My partner and I have opened many hearts and minds because we are open in a quiet way about who we are. We are active in the community, but we are not, by intention, polarizing in any way, and this has made us seem approachable by people who are typically thought of as closed minded. I think of this as the "more bees with honey" way of being out.

Perhaps this is a vestigial survival mechanism, sprouted by life in an EXTREMELY conservative part of the country, but I can tell say we have a diverse network of friends/acquaintances many of our gays friends who live in other communities marvel over.

[thrift_store_angel]

24. At times

I have had a few different "obvious" bumper stickers on my car and have never had any problems. I live in SOUTHERN Maryland (the part of Maryland that does not acknowledge the color blue exists) I also wear a Philly pride t-shirt to work sometimes, I don't think anyone has ever noticed. I don't hide my sexuality but I don't announce it either, I am sure at least some of them have figured it out but no one is brave enough to ask. LOL

[micrometer_50]

26. Not out. n/t

[ladeuxiemevoiture]

27. I don't go to any special lengths to demonstrate my gayness

I just be myself. I do exercise self-discipline when in uncertain environments, like rougher neighborhoods/towns/areas. You never know what's going to trigger an outburst, violent or otherwise, from homophobes, who may be drunk or stoned, or even, God forbid, armed. One of the primary reasons I moved to NYC was because you can be more out than most other places. I found life in the Midwest cloying and claustrophobic.