Transgender surgery..

[undergroundpanther]

I am really psyched today
I'm getting my top surgery done pretty soon. I am a FTM androgyny..

I have wanted this done since I was 13 when I grew breasts I never wanted. When through the years I would go to regular doctors and GYNs for health reasons I'd ask them,could you take my uterus out,could you stop my breasts from growing somehow,later it changed to could you set me up with a surgeon to take them off. All those years no,no, no..I got my uterus out eventually because I was bleeding so bad I got anemia from fibroids(lucky coincidence but with tons of pain) My therapist is signing the permission for me and very soon I will be having my first appointment to set things up for surgery.

I am so looking forward to this.

I'm gonna throw a bra/binder burning party after all is said and done.

I just wanted to let everyone whos' transgender or sympathetic or just curious..know,my wait in a body that was wrong from the start is drawing to a close..

It was a wait that took me around 25 years to get fixed. Sadly. If it was any other kind of disfigurement something in the range of "normal" like a harelip,buck teeth or burn scar,the"professionals" would have sympathized and helped..I think because because it was in their own range of experiences of what they recognized as disfiguring,but sadly trans-gender issues are only an issue that is most painful for transpeople..The normals cannot understand it easily because they are happy with their gender. They can't imagine being not happy with it..So because of"normal" people who are happy with their gender who could not step out of their own self perception long enough to listen_to me_..I had to wait..and suffer. I had to jump through hoops and ask,ask,ask,..

If I had my way I would have had all this done decades earlier,before my first period and that would have saved myself 3/4 ths a lifetime of emotional torment. I am 39 now,most of my youth is spent.Spent in a body that was a painful prison to me. And this is all about to end.

If someone with the skill to help me change would have just listened _to me_, Heard me without projecting their own inability to relate to being transgender,personally , and gave up their own insistence playing games with themselves, Gave up trying to change my mind and convince me that I really deep down was like them... and if instead these professionals throughout my life ' would have helped me do what I said I needed to do, if they just took me at my word , they would have not wasted so much of my life-time trying to change my mind. I would have had a very different life I think..I needed a change of body to feel more comfortable in my own skin,as soon as my body became feminine.
With my gender not being an issue anymore maybe I can have an easier time healing other issues I got, being less distracted by the pain of the gender stuff.

I know this surgery change will not end all my problems.I still got healing to do.It won't eliminate all my stress, it's no grail of perfect happiness, it won't fix my trauma issues..BUT after this..I won't have to feel the deep sense of wrongness I feel everyday when I look at myself anymore I won't have to feel trapped..

And that is what I always wanted.To be free of the wrong body.

[Skittles]

1. honey, you are only 39, you are still young

and have lots of living to do! I wish you the best of luck and please, please keep us updated on your progress both physically and mentally. :)

[undergroundpanther]

9. Will do

I'll keep everyone up on it.. I'll write here the day before I go in for the operation and all.I am considering doing a blog type of thing of my own transition,to help other people understand how it goes and how it feels. With photos and all of my surgery experiences,my writings thoughts feelings and journey,(I'll try to not make it gross) I'll also tell the costs(so they can figure out how financially possible it is) how bad it hurt me,what my recovery was like, all the practical stuff one would want to know if they are considering this..This info can be a pain in the arse to find... This blog thing will also chronicle my progress in the other areas I am transforming.. I am an androgynous cat person.That is how I saw myself as long as I can remember there will be stuff on this. There will be the photos of my tattoo work in progress,my pierces and stuff,info about who did it,what studios and other practical stuff I do for myself like whisker labret construction.

There are tons of trans people out there,and tons of fursons and body mod people..That wonder inside how is it possible to become?????

I want to give them hope that they too can live being who they really are..

And my therapist is totally behind me on all this.

You are what you are,no matter what the"normal" world thinks you should be.

[Radio_Lady]

2. Undergroundpanther, I was touched by your story. I can't even --

imagine being in a body that felt like the wrong one.

I saw a program on "intersex" people, particularly males who were born with indeterminate gender and were "turned into" females by aggressive doctors. I cried the whole night for those people.

I wish you the best in your surgery and recovery. Is your family or some significant other with you on this journey... or are you doing it all alone?

In peace,

Radio_Lady

[undergroundpanther]

6. Yeah

My mom is helping fund it. It's close to 7,000 bucks. I'll be in debt to her for like 3 years... But I told her I was scared that the right wing may try to clamp down on trans people getting surgery considering how much control they have,and if they are losing control who knows how these rabid dogs will be in the corner and who gets bit first. I told her that on SSI saving up was futile because there is always an expense,car trouble medicine..ect that has me digging into my fund.., And considering the pressure I felt inside from the gender stuff ,it was making me suicidal in a way that even began to scare myself.I had to do something. So I screwed up my courage and asked.

Mom will not be there for long after I am recovering tho,
because it stresses her out because she has been through alot of stress herself lately with my sisters,and she had her thyroid out.And alot of her older friends are sick and dying and getting surgery So She's overwhelmed with hospital stuff I think and that's OK with me.
Her financial support is more than I would have ever imagined. I am thankful for that.I am amazed at her kindness with this.


My partner will be here,several transfreinds I have will be around if I need them,my gayfreinds too,a couple of friends I have had from childhood will be near and my coven will be doing spiritual stuff to help , All these people will all be there when needed. So I am not alone.and of course when I am sitting around going Duh and I am too sore to run around I'll be here sometimes on DU.

I have found when you are gay you got to find yourself a new family..and the new family becomes your base family and your real family becomes secondary to them when or if they cannot cope with you coming out.Half of my family would have a hard time dealing with this.
Luckily tho my mom she gets it.She has seen me flip out time and again over my gender issues. She has weathered suicide attempts and hospitalizations.. And she's 76! I have utmost appreciation for her. She's got a good heart,We still have issues and baggage,we disagree on some stuff,but she isn't a bigot and she is surprisingly open minded too..

[Skittles]

14. good, it sounds like you have a decent support people

LOL I know what you mean.....I am "family" to several gay folk, a couple of them from going twenty years back. I remember one of them telling me tearfully his family had disowned him so I told him WELL THEN YOU JUST GET YOU A NEW FAMILY. And that's what he did - developed a web of good friends. Over the years his family has come around a bit but Curt did not waste time waiting for them or stewing about it.

[Selteri]

3. I hope your surgury goes well, nobody deserves to feel as if they

don't belong into their body.

[enlightenment]

4. My 25 year old son had his top surgery last year

and it's made a tremendous difference for him. He's calmer, more patient, and sooo much more optimistic about his life.
I'm sorry you've had to wait so long, and very happy for you.

Make sure you have a couple of friends around you for a few days, at the very least. My son's surgery was actually day surgery -- in and out. The first day was pretty rough, though the drugs helped him sleep through most of it. He needed help with the drains for the first two days.
By the third day he was up and around -- moving slowly.

Take it easy, though, okay?

Congratulations,
e.

[beam me up scottie]

5. I am very happy for you.

Really. I have always been curious about this issue and why the medical field was so afraid to recognize this as a valid condition.
It seems to be available to more people now than a few years ago, am I right about that?
Maybe it just seems like that because it is becoming more accepted by society.
I hope you will be finally free to live your life in the body you should have been born with.

[undergroundpanther]

7. Gender

Has a long history as an effective tool of social control.
By eliminating gender a whole tool of opressing half the population goes Pouf. There is no justification for division of labor and when there is no justification of divisdion of labour it's a small step there is no justification for a dominator class.

So gender is drilled into people from birth.Pink or blue..

Here are some links.

http://www.trinity.edu/mkearl/gender.html

http://www.umsl.edu/~rkeel/010/gender.html

http://www.roxbury.net/sociologygender2.html

[beam me up scottie]

8. Oh, man...

Thanks for the links. I never made the connection. What a threat indeed.
If we are not bound by their laws or our bodies, they have no way to control us.
Wow, DU'ers like you are why I love this place.

[undergroundpanther]

10. Thanks

I love you kittyball icon..Adorable!!

[beam me up scottie]

11. Let us know how you're doing.

I don't normally visit much in GLBT but I'm adding it to my forums.
I guess I always thought you guys didn't need an audience (I'm a little dense sometimes)
But if you need support or ideas or anything, let me know.

~Linda

[undergroundpanther]

12. I post in

General Discuss,GBLT, Disability and Activism forum and Mental Health suppport most of the time.

[beam me up scottie]

13. I've read many

of your GD posts and I appreciate your take on issues.
I get too carried away sometimes. But I'm learning to bite my tongue.

I have lurked in MH quite a bit-long history of mental illness in my family and I'm trying to come to grips with what is best for my own health. It's a very personal issue and I come from a family that didn't talk about such things.
If you're 39, you're from my generation and we've been programmed to suffer in silence. Now we have the "there's a pill for everything" culture and I'm really trying to find a happy medium, you know?

I think I will add that one to my forums as well, thanks.

[yardwork]

15. Congratulations, Undergroundpanther!

I'm very happy for you. It's wonderful that your mom is so supportive.

[nickinSTL]

16. Congrats

I know what a great relief this'll be for you once it's over.

Good luck with the surgery.

[Q3JR4]

17. Good luck!

:hug:
for when you need it and a
:hug:
to your courageous mother too!

[UncleSepp]

18. Congratulations!!

I just may burn a bra in your honor!

[bigwillq]

19. Best of luck to you!

Congrats on finally becoming who you really are.:hug: :hi: