You guys. I am needing e-hugs.

[Chovexani]

My triad officially went back to being a couple tonight. I broke up with the boy and so did the lady. To make a long story short, he's been acting like a selfish, coldhearted douchebag for several months now, letting himself get totally absorbed into World of Warcraft, and has suddenly decided that everything about me he can't stand anymore. (He has completely disregarded GF, so far as I know; she's not even a hobby for him anymore) The sad thing is, I love WoW as much as he does, and I could even be called addicted, but I don't value the game over my friendships or relationships. He does not feel the same way.

My favorite was his thought I that I'm "obsessed with homoeroticism" and he "wasn't prepared to date a fannish type". Despite the fact that he's known me for almost eight years, known about (and read and enjoyed!) my original gay erotica and slash fanfiction. Honestly, I believe he has issues with internalized homo/biphobia (he is not out as bisexual to anyone, not even to his friends), and could not handle two strong women who refuse to cower in the closet. He also suddenly had problems with my spiritual beliefs.

The final straw was hearing thirdhand that he was claiming he'd already broken up with me, when he's been stringing me along for the last month or so with "I'm trying to sort my life out" bullshit. So tonight, GF and I talked for a long time and decided enough was enough.

He had the audacity to still want to be friends, and my response was that in order to be friends with someone, you have to show them respect, and he does not. Therefore, he doesn't deserve my frienship.

I'm not sad, other than mourning the loss of the man I fell in love with who died some time last summer and was replaced by a douchenozzle pod person. Mostly I feel relieved that it's finally over, that my GF and I can focus on deepening our relationship without dealing with this tool (so much of our conversation lately has been crying upset over shit he has done). I know I've grown up because I'm not crying and wondering what I did wrong. Despite his genius intellect, his degrees and his air of superiority, I know I'm better than him, that she is better than him, and he does not deserve either of us. I'm mostly angry for neglecting myself, putting so much into salvaging this relationship.

But either way I need hugs.

[ananda]

1. Sending a HUGE e hug your way.

Huuuuggggg

[racaulk]

2. I'm so sorry to hear this, Chovexani.

But to hear you describe it, it sounds like you and GF made the right decision.

I'm sending you all the e-hugs and positive vibes I can muster.

:hug:

[cynatnite]

3. Here's some hugz...

:hug:

Love the Duncan/Methos pic. :)

[Chovexani]

14. Hee.

They were the start of my "homoeroticism obsession lolz". :D

[Runcible Spoon]

4. aww that sucks.

I had problems with an ex who got really sucked into that game. I love it too, but there are limits. The morning my sick cat died I begged him to come with me to the vet, and he refused to go because he didn't want to drop his group. I dumped his ass 2 days later.

I think you're a gorgeous, intelligent, interesting person and if you're ever looking for an addition....:blush:

[Chovexani]

17. Oh wow, what an ass.

And thanks for the compliment. :hug:

[Veritas_et_Aequitas]

5. I can't pretend to really understand what you're talking about,

but I can tell you're really upset. Hugs a-plenty for you.

:hug:

[jonnyblitz]

6. ...

:hug:

[QC]

7. ((we love you!))

[Idealism]

8. Deeply sorry to hear of your troubles

An ex of mine was completely obsessed with WoW and another game, to the point that it took away personal time we spent together. It is a problem with someone lets a video game dictate their life, and you definitely made the right choice. Best of luck to you and yours!

:loveya::grouphug:

[Chovexani]

12. Thing is, I understand because I'm a lifelong hardcore gamer

But there are some hardcore obsessed gamers who can handle it and some who can't. He wasn't gaming for fun anymore, he was doing it as escapism. I knew it was a real problem when he wasn't even wanting to do stuff in game with me anymore. He was using the game to avoid dealing with our problems.

There is nothing inherently wrong with MMOs, or online games in general, but I think for people prone to depression they can be a very tempting method to just shut down and not have to deal with your life. I know that I have to watch myself and pull back some, if only to not get burned out.

[Idealism]

16. I know exactly what you mean

When I wasn't so busy, I used to be heavily in Guild Wars (and some WoW). It was fine until I realized I was not going to the gym hardly at all, although it was a gradual decline, so I guess it made it easier in some odd way. I was spending less time with my friends, getting less accomplished at work, and having trouble concentrating on basic conversations. My mind would wander so bad it got to the point where I had to stop. I don't know if it was to the degree of escaping reality, but I could literally zone out for 8 hours in the game and think it to have been 15 minutes gone. It is a hard thing to do, to break the habit so to speak, but once you do its fine. I can go back but I have better things to do now and not much time to do those better things :)

Good luck!

[foxfeet]

9. You're strong and you will get through this.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[queerart]

10. Hugs To You...... (nt)

[bicentennial_baby]

11. Been there sweetie

:hug: I understand.

:loveya:

[yardwork]

13. Wow, I am sorry that you've been going through this, Chovexani.

You are always welcome to get hugs from me anytime, especially tonight :hug:

You're one of my favorite DUers. Have a good night's sleep.

[MuseRider]

15. I am sending you every hug

I have. Damn. You are so right, he does not deserve you. BIG hugs. Be kind to yourself.

[DarkTirade]

18. I'm sorry.

But we men are known for occasionally turning into douchenozzles. :hug:

Actually he kinda reminds me of somebody I know at school...

[Chovexani]

20. lol

You know how bad I am? His main is a feral druid, he main tanks and is one of the two leaders for our guild's raids, and all I could think to myself was "good luck finding another mage with my gear, skill, and DPS on this joke of a server! Hope you can afford the repair bills coming your way, you stupid fucking bear."

LOL @ WoW Addiction.

[DarkTirade]

23. ... you are such a geek.

I knew there was a reason I talked to you.

Oh, BTW, I happened upon you on Facebook a while back and sent a friend request. Dunno if you got it or if you might have not recognized me and baleeted it. :P I don't remember how I happened upon you though. I think I saw you on another DUers friends list or something.

[Chovexani]

31. Oh, I'm sorry! Friend me again

I automatically delete friend requests from people I don't know from elsewhere on the internets or irl. It's lingering paranoia due to having had an ex stalk me online a few years ago.

[DarkTirade]

35. Yeah, I figured it was something like that.

I didn't take it personally. :P

*edit* Huh. Says there's already a friend request pending. You must not have deleted it. :P

[tavalon]

19. Fellow poly person here

I'm so sorry. So very sorry.

[Orrex]

21. FWIW

:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:
:hug:

[bluedawg12]

22. I'm sorry you're hurting, hon.

Sending hugs and good vibes. :hug:

[MichaelHarris]

24. I didn't

understand most of that, I did however get the hug part. Here's a big one from the cold north west :hug: :bounce: I call it a hug bounce. Also here is some computer wallpaper I shot last year:


Into the Light

[Chovexani]

27. It's okay. I appreciate ite.

Being polyamorous, even I don't understand my love life sometimes. It's that complicated. :rofl:

But thanks for the hugs.

[Behind the Aegis]

25. You got it!

:hug:

[Clintonista2]

26. omg you're a wow player?

What server?

[Chovexani]

29. Llane but not for long

I wrote our GM a nice in-game mail saying I loved the guild but could no longer stay in it with Mr. Douchebag. Llane is a terrible server, especially Alliance side. People are fucking stupid and immature, we always lose BGs, ninjas and drama are rampant and raid progression is a joke (not a single guild on the server saw anything past Illidan pre-3.0 nerfs). Thing is, my main's a pimped out level 80 Draenei Mage in T7 gear that I don't want to just get rid of, as I love her and she represents several months hard work. So now I'm server shopping. I've heard lots of good things about Proudmoore, it's very LGBT friendly and has decent raid progression. I'm not sure though, so I'm always open to suggestions. I suspect once the patch hits and we can roll Death Knights on any realm, I'll be rolling a bunch just to check servers out.

On the bright side: now I can FINALLY play Horde. I only rolled Alliance because he was a rabid Horde-hater. I've got a small army of lowbie Horde characters that I RP on Moon Guard and adore Hordeside atmosphere and play, so I may just put my Alliance characters in semi/perma-retirement and focus on my Horde kids.

[Clintonista2]

30. MOVE TO BLOOD FURNACE! That's my server

I am an undead rogue Lv 80. It's a pvp server though, so I'm not sure if you would want that.

[Chovexani]

32. Oh no, I'm a carebear

I like BGs well enough but I am a PvE gal at heart. I think I would pee my pants on a PVP server, lol.

[Clintonista2]

33. lol

I'm the complete opposite. I *LIVE* to gank alliance.

[Chovexani]

34. When I play my Alliance toons

I wish I could gank my own faction. :(

[Two Americas]

37. ?

:wow:

I have no idea what you guys are talking about. Such a nice break from GDP where I know exactly what people are talking about, and wish I didn't.

[Chovexani]

39. LOL, don't mind us

We are just talking World of Warcraft-ese. I swear it's a whole language unto itself.

When I used to work in financial aid for an auto tech school, a co-worker of mine also played the game, and we used to talk shop about it all the time. Everyone else in the office pretty much had the same :wow: :crazy: face. :D

[mtnester]

68. Bunch of geeks...why, back in the day

we rode bikes....and WHAT is wrong with Space Invader and Ms. Pacman and Frogger? Not enough to do with 3,000 cable channels...young whippersnappers got to go out and create some geekspeak language...why we only had 3 maybe 4 channels depending on your antenna and how far out yah wuz until we started stealing QUBE signal with cheater boxes and unscrambling REAL porn..

And books, don't kids read books now? Not them dang talking books or that cartoon Japanese soft porn stuff..what is it called...mange? mangle? mangia? whatever, just some more geekspeak

dang kids




but seriously...let me tell you the love of my life 30 years ago is a fond memory and slight smile today...it always works that way. I also lost an early love when I was 14 to a tragic hunting accident...same thing now, I do not get sad about the loss, but smile over the memories. You will, too.

Hugs dearie!

[Vanje]

72. Me too

But its interesting to know theres a big..sort of parallell universe.

[DarkTirade]

38. Man, there was one time

I was just running around, trying to level up and get some skins. People kept trying to sneak up behind me and steal the skins before I had a chance to click on the animals for a second time after looting them. And most of them would have been no match for my character in a fight. If it was an Everquest type PVP server, they would have been dead and looted before they knew what hit 'em.

[Chovexani]

40. That is lame.

I have a hunter alt who is a skinner/leatherworker, and I only poach skins with her if it's clear the person who killed the stuff is not going to skin them.

I feel your pain, though. Druids who swoop down in epic flight form and ninja herbs can also die in a fire. I've just about given up trying to pick herbs in Northrend on my Death Knight during primetime hours. Let me get my damn lichbloom in peace! :(

[DarkTirade]

48. Yeah, if somebody runs off and leaves a corpse unskinned its fair game.

And at times if I'm not sure whether someone has left it or not, I'll actually ASK them if they're gonna skin it or not.

Of course, nobody bothers to fucking respond. I don't know if its just Alliance or if its just the newbie area... but it's like people don't even know how to type.

I had one time when I was sitting near one of the level 10-12ish quest bosses, waiting for it to respawn. There were also a couple of people in a group trying to do the same quest. While we were waiting, I asked them if I could join their group so we could get the boss faster. They completely ignored me. No response.

Then after the boss respawned and I killed it... they got all pissed off and started challenging me to duels. :wtf:

[Chovexani]

54. Newbie areas are generally the pits on that game

Especially Elwynn Forest. All the little kiddies and stereotypical WoW rejects love to roll level 1s and duel in Goldshire (or, on an RP server, have cybersex in the inn via public emotes). I've never, ever leveled a character there. I find the Draenei starting area to be the best one Ally side just because it's so out of the way, and doesn't see a whole lot of traffic. The quest gear is better anyway.

And no, it's not just Alliance. Durotar (the Orc & Troll starting area) is the same way, and being right next door to the infamous Barrens doesn't help. It's why I took my troll shaman's happy ass on over to the Ghostlands as soon as I could, despite there being no shaman trainers for her in Silvermoon City.

[DarkTirade]

57. I actually didn't have any problems in Durotar on the server where I have my horde toons.

Maybe I just got lucky with my random choice of servers. :P

Although I don't have the expansions, so I can't do Draenei or BElf.

And I don't have MONEY right now, so I'm not playing at the moment.

I am working on some ideas for a small MMO (oxymoronic, I know. :P) of my own right now. I'm thinking I'll start simple, something more like Guild Wars for now.

Only old-school 2d, 'cause that's all I really have the ability to do right now.

[TechBear_Seattle]

64. I've never seen RP cybersex, not even in EQ

I've seen some sexual harassment, but usually a "Stop hitting on me, HarassersName. My wife is getting jealous and my children are starting to ask embarassing questions!" typed to a public, zone-wide channel usually puts an end to that awfully quick :toast:

(And as a side note, here is an excellent response to the "You're a guy? Why are you playing a girl?" type of questions: "If I'm going to sit here playing for eight hours, looking at my toon's butt, which is gayer, staring at a chick or a dude?" I've seen high level male characters get recycled because of that one. :eyes: )

[DarkTirade]

66. I always have at least one female character in every game I play.

It's kind of a running gag for me. Mostly because the first multiplayer game I ever played was Quake II.

And there are three models in that game for multiplayer. Male, female, and robot. The male model is a huge hulking tank. The cyborg is just about the same. The female model is about as big around as my pinky.

So if I'm playing a game where I'm getting shot at... which one would you pick? :P

That, and it set me apart from everybody else who'd chosen the regular male model. So they didn't have to wait for the 'Tirade killed you' text to pop up. They'd know it was me who shot them in the face.

So ever since then in every game I play, I make sure I have at least one female character. Even if they aren't obviously female, like my Froglok paladin in EQ.

[TechBear_Seattle]

46. I play on Kirin Tor; it's an RP, non PVP server

Mostly Alliance, but I have a few Horde toons as well.

I have played a lot of MMORPGs (EverCrack, EverCrack II, Dark Age of Camelot, City of Heroes and now World of Warcraft) and have always found RP servers to have a lower a-hole quotient. If you are moving servers and want a great home, PM me. :hi:

[DarkTirade]

51. I have one toon (dwarf pali) on an RP server

and I found that at least in the newbie area, there's really no difference between that and other servers.

... although it's fun to say 'ye' instead of 'you' and to yell insults at the things I'm fighting. Even if nobody notices. :P

[TechBear_Seattle]

52. A lot of us do notice

Now that I'm reasonably well off, I go out of my way to reward RP play. My guild sometimes holds newbie quest events, hiring low level players to gather resources in exchange for some level appropriate gear or potions (we're a crafting guild, and like to promote the tradeskill system.)

[DarkTirade]

53. Nice. Maybe I'll check that server out.

Back when I played EQ I tried an RP server. Everyone there was awesome and actually TALKED and stuff. And they made an effort to make sure newbs could join in.

[Chovexani]

55. People love to grief in newbie areas on RP servers

On Moon Guard, I've taken a grand total of seven characters through Eversong Woods (the Blood Elf starter zone), and jerks love to roll level 1s with server inappropriate names and troll General chat, insult RPers, harass female BElfs for cyber, etc. I suspect this is because the area is high traffic due to the fact that the server opened with the BC expansion, and everyone wanted to play the then-new race. Moon Guard is 35% BElf as a result. So the jerks know there's always plenty of folks to trouble in that zone.

Apparently Tirisfal Glades isn't nearly as bad, but I've yet to play a Forsaken.

[DarkTirade]

56. Well yeah, there are always trolls (oh the irony)

but they're usually pretty easily ignored.

My problem is twofold... the newbies who can't seem to bother to communicate or do anything useful, and the people starting over with level 1s who assume all newbies are like that.

Although the really creepy thing is that out of all my female toons... the only one that I had a problem with weirdos stalking me and stuff was my undead warlock.

Seriously. I had one weirdo try and hit on me with my hot night elf toon. I had several with my creepy half-rotted undead chick. I wonder what that says about WoW players in general. :P

[Two Americas]

28. you got it

((((hugs))))

[Jamastiene]

36. Big huge hug coming right up.

:hug:

I hope things get better for you from here on out. :hug:

[Chovexani]

41. Thanks for the support everyone.

Even if I didn't reply to everybody, I really appreciate it. This board is like a second family to me. :hug:

[ropi]

42. *hugs*

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

[lightningandsnow]

43. So sorry, hun.

People suck sometimes. It's hard. :hug:

[Solon]

44. You got'em...

((((((((((((((((Chovexani)))))))))))))))))))

[meegbear]

45. Hugs sent!

:hug:

[LostinVA]

47. I don't even have anything to say about your OP

But, I can give you this :pals:

[ronnykmarshall]

49. Mommy give you a biiiiiiiiiig hug,

:hug:

[Marrah_G]

50. Ouch honey - HUGS

I'm sorry you are hurting. He sounds like an insecure asshole. Still, I know it has to hurt badly.

I should be getting a new computer for home soon and can return to WOW. I'd love to come hang out and keep you company. I've been jonesing from playing for a while now.

[sui generis]

58. Cho girl people change

that's the beauty of a relationship - hopefully everyone changes in some way that uplifts the other party(s), but sometimes it doesn't.

The worst part is when you wake up and find out you did waste time. If you feel like the time up until last summer was well spent, then you should not have too many regrets: this is a chance to have something else, new, better, different, more of life.

douchenozzle pod person - I love it!

My first relationship was a quint with 4 dancers from the the Joffrey, plus visiting guests. I was 17 and they were oolllld at 20 or 21. We broke up after a year because joffrey moved to LA and only two of the troupe were going with them while B-chick and P-boy moved off to Tulsa to dance with Maria Tallchief. It was sad and cool all at the same time; new beginnings, and we were all well matched to each other.

I also had a triad that lasted for 8 years; blown apart by a re-emergent addiction on the part of one. The other one just got super insecure and then super batshit crazy - story for another day.

It takes all the parts to make the whole and keep it whole. When it works it's awesome and when it doesn't work out, it's awful. You have my empathy girl, especially since I really do know exactly how you feel having been there twice myself. It gets better, just not all at once. Hang in there -

[Cabcere]

59. Wow. I'm sorry to hear that, Chovexani.

:( Sending many e-hugs your way. :hug: :grouphug: :pals:

[SacredCow]

60. Hugs....

best to you!

:hug:

[Book Lover]

61. *many friendly warm hugs to you*

Cho, you are both better off without him in your lives, clearly. Booger on him and uplifting thoughts to you and your GF.

[closeupready]

62. Ehug, ehug!!!!

:hug: :hug: :) :hi:

[uppityperson]

63. Hugs to you and best of luck finding people who you are good for and are good for you.

[freestyle]

65. Here is a big hug. Breakups always hurt even when it is the right thing.

This pain will pass and you will still be the great person that you are.

[ThomCat]

67. Huge hugs for you.

:hug:

I hope things go very well for you and your GF. I'm sorry you have had had to go through this garbage.

[xchrom]

69. ...

:hug: :yourock: :hug:

[elshiva]

70. HUG HUG HUG!

:hug: :hug:

[Lilith Velkor]

71. Aww Cho

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I used to think I generated douchenozzle pod person spores. Maybe I still do; I've been generally avoiding people ever since I found one on whom they didn't take.

[Vanje]

73. Hugs it is!

Sorry to hear it.
But your boy friend must be an idiot!

[Chovexani]

75. As Big Mama used to say

He's ate up with the dumbass.

[Omaha Steve]

74. Cyber hug

Hope it helps.

[RetiredTrotskyite]

76. Here's Another Hug!

:grouphug: from Will and RT