Strange Thought Today about Resistance to Gay Marriage

[Mike 03]

Every since Proposition 8 passed and there have been these very poignant outpourings of emotion that speak directly to how important this is to the GLBT community, it has caused me to reflect back on my marriage and how much I took it for granted.

I almost envy the respect and reverence that has been expressed here by this community for that right to marry--and the intense yearning to have that and have it respected.

So, my thought is: Could some people be so "appalled" at the notion of Gay Marriage because it makes them feel guilty for not truly treating it as sacred? Their argument is that it is so damned sacred, but Americans haven't tended to treat marriage as sacred, really. Our divorce rate is over fifty percent isn't it? I know people who have been married three times.

Maybe what is really going on here is a kind of "overcompensation" for our (straight) lack of really revering marriage and appreciating its importance. The Gay community seems to get it, and how important it is to this community just reinforces how frivolously it has been treated by a majority of our population.

So, they take that guilt out on GLBT.

Just a thought. Maybe I'm way off base, but I sure have been ruminating over my marriage and how I conducted myself during it since Prop Eight passed and you all have made some of the amazing, passionate, poignant posts you have made on this issue.

The moment one realizes this is a civil rights issue, it really forces you to look at yourself in the mirror.

Edit for spellcheck.

[yardwork]

1. Interesting thoughts. Thank you for sharing them.

I'm not really sure why so many people are horrified at the idea of gay people getting married. During all the years I thought I was straight and was in a heterosexual marriage, my husband and I never would have considered discriminating against gay people for any reason. We used to get into fights with people about allowing gay people to serve openly in the military.

I was always appalled by the discrimination against gay people, and always willing to take up "their" cause. So I can honestly say that I don't know why straight people would have a problem with this.

It seems to have a lot to do with early religious teaching, though. I've never met a homophobe who hadn't been greatly influenced by religious bigotry.

[FreeState]

2. I think your partly right

Many people project their own shame/worry/failures onto others. I think that is indeed part of it - along with socially acceptable hetronormative cultural leanings. If you look at all the arguments used against GLBT persons there is always an underlying theme of fear of the unknown - and this fear is what is used to reinforce a society devoid of diversity. That fear can be fear of self - which most fears are based on IMO. All suffering begins within oneself. Its when that suffering is turned into legislation or acts of violence that it become noticeable to the society at large. However, that fear is what makes one suffer.

If we truly want to end suffering we must bring diversity to the norm. We must be inclusive of everyone who looks, believes and acts different than the norm. This does not mean giving more credence to homophobic minorities but rather reaching out to them on an interpersonal level - thats where the suffering ends and inclusion begins IMO.

[glowing]

3. I think too many are too worried about other people's lives than focus on their own.

thou shalt not gossip... covet.. blah, blah. Anyway, its never been a wonder to me. Actually, when I was a child in school, the kids with the two mommies were normal and cool and I was friends with the one in my class.. her brother was too young. The bio-mom of the kids had a marriage with a man orig., but for obvious reasons was divorced.. They moved into town, and her and her partner were just parents.. another couple at the soccer game. Well, on one social gathering for this small town, there was speculation that the "big party" at their home was actually a wedding. Imagine my total shock when I asked my mom why the mommies were living in sin by NOT being married. I remeber this well, because children are seen and not heard... but we hear all. When I picked my head up from the book I was pretending to read and inquired why they are living together and NOT married. Sure put perspective on the issue for the adults.. I was waived off and out of the chair.