Terrified Ray Allen Discovers Celtics Lab Containing Thousands Of Test-Tube 'Big Babies'

[joeybee12]

BOSTON—Celtics shooting guard Ray Allen told reporters he made a terrifying discovery Wednesday, stumbling across a genetic research laboratory located deep beneath the TD Banknorth Garden and filled with thousands of test-tube "Big Baby" Glen Davises.

A visibly shaken Allen confirmed he had been searching the basketball facility for an ice pack when he happened across a previously unseen elevator, which he took to subbasement 11. Shuddering while recalling the unpleasant experience, the 10-time All-Star said the elevator doors opened onto a vast laboratory filled with countless 12-foot-tall glass tanks, each containing an individual floating Glen Davis.

"There was no end to this massive room, just these huge vats with identical Big Baby Davises stretching off into the distance," said Allen, adding that the laboratory also contained numerous scientific apparatuses, ominous surgical tools, and several operating tables. "It was so bizarre. They weren't moving, but they were definitely alive."

"I walked up to one of them, tapped on the glass, and the test-tube Big Baby inside opened its eyes," Allen continued. "I just kind of panicked and started screaming, and then the liquid in the tanks started bubbling and all the Big Babies were screaming in unison."

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/terrified-ray-allen-discovers-celtics-lab-containi,19236/

[bluedigger]

1. "Larry Bird chins"

:rofl: