Forget tolerance. It's about affirmation and celebration.

[hunter]

How do you like my rainbow flag?

I've got many personal reasons for supporting "gay" marriage, but most of these stories are not really mine to tell, especially in a public forum such as this. But I can tell you about myself.

My wife and I are married in the Roman Catholic Church. The Church affirms and celebrates our marriage. We are also married according to the laws of the State of California. This legal recognition of our marriage affords us many rights and responsibilities -- it is a very specific sort of contract enforced by the state.

Our marriage is also affirmed and celebrated within our community. My wife and I can kiss and hold hands in public, we can go out to dinner and check into motels while displaying quite obvious romantic intentions, etc., etc. When we stay in with friends and family they don't think twice that we will share the bed in their guest room.

I see a lot of posts on DU that go something like this: "I don't care what adults do in the privacy of their own homes" or "It is wrong to deny homosexuals the rights of marriage that heterosexuals enjoy."

These are words of tolerance. It's not enough. Homosexual couples deserve the same sorts of affirmation and celebration of their relationships that heterosexual couples enjoy.

It's already like this in some places. If a homosexual couple makes reservations at a San Francisco hotel as newlyweds, nobody blinks. The happy couple gets the full celebration. This is as it should be.

I was very fortunate in my upbringing that my parents were not homophobes. My parents were both working in the Hollywood film industry when they met and Hollywood was one of those places where homosexuals were protected. When I was a kid it wasn't shocking to have a homosexual couple in our house. If two women got tipsy and started French kissing on our sofa it elicited the same "eeeeeewwwwwww" in us as kids as a similar heterosexual couple would. No big deal. My mom and dad do not think twice if two men or two women decide to take their guest room with the single queen bed.

But I do remember as a kid being secretive about this. I knew very well I wasn't supposed to tell. This was especially true in school where I knew several of the local public school teachers were homosexuals. I knew they might come to harm if I ever said anything outside our family.

It makes me horribly sad to see the same thing going on in my own family. My kids just instinctively know there are certain family and friends they protect. We still live in the dark ages.

[beam me up scottie]

1. I love it.

And I love the fact that you stand up for what it represents.

We do still live in the dark ages.

Maybe someday your grandkids will actually live in a country where there is complete separation of church and state, and religious bigotry will stay in church, where it belongs.



Recommended.

[Brentos]

2. Nice

Nice post. I do think religous institutions have the right to decide for themselves about marriage, but I don't think the state should be able to discriminate. If two loving people want to enter into a marriage contract with the state...all the power to them! I love when people make commitments, it helps solidify relationships. Hiding what one truly is, is no way to have to live. I wish all churches would feel the same, too.

[salvorhardin]

3. Nice avatar

It's a beauty. And you make an excellent point. We need to move beyond tolerance for stigmatized members of society and celebrate and affirm their diversity.

[JerseygirlCT]

4. Terrific post. I agree! nt

[kwassa]

5. It is about affirmation and celebration

[OneBlueSky]

6. I've always hated the word "tolerate" . . . to tolerate something or . . .

someone is to condescend to give grudging acceptance . . . "Even though I despise you and/or your 'lifestyle,' I'll put up with you as long as you don't rock my boat -- or get too near my kids" . . .

you're right . . . acceptance and celebration are most definitely what's needed . . .

recommended . . .

[NMMNG]

7. Wonderful post

Recommended!

We do still live in the Dark Ages. Sadly, we were progressing and now we are regressing thanks to the theofascists. I shudder to think how far it will go before it's over (and I tell myself that it will be over at some point because the other option is unthinkable).


I love your rainbow flag. You wear it well. :applause:

[TallahasseeGrannie]

8. I never knew any gay people growing up

because there weren't any. Obviously there were, but they were all hiding. It was easy, therefore, to think of them as freaks, pervs, less than human. Then I became tolerant and decided they were all mentally ill and it wasn't their fault. Mind you, I still didn't know any. When I went to college (art school) there were more gay than not in my classes, but it really was the big elephant in the room. We didn't talk about it. Ever.

I went with the tolerance meme until we got a new choir director when my kids were young. At first he was in the closet, but we all knew he was gay. He was a brilliant musician and very needy emotionally. Eventually with a lot of wine and cheese we all started talking about it and we talked about it until there was nothing left to say. Through this fellow we (my family and I) met many of his friends and began to see the world through their eyes. Those were good times. They were pretty crazy times. My friends were all a bit younger than me, and to say they were party animals would be an understatement. And then: AIDS. Hospitals, T-cell counts, death beds, casseroles, hugs, planting memorial trees, designing squares for The Quilt. Devastation. There is no "gay" in a dying man's eyes. There is only "human." There is no "gay" in that last breath. There is only finality and silence.

Then gradually, the ones who survived were pairing up permanently, buying houses, having commitment ceremonies. Good times again. But different. And there is no "gay" in love. There is only "human."

And so gradually I went from freaks to tolerance to celebration. This has been a lifelong journey for me, a straight person. As for the world? It will happen. But it will take more lifetimes. But we will get there.

[BR_Parkway]

9. Wow, thank you for posting

[TallahasseeGrannie]

10. Kicked and Recommended

This is too important to die. Not this week.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

11. Too late to recommend

Please post this again.

[hunter]

12. Maybe in General Discussion?

It started out as a fierce reply to something in a GD discussion. Then, just before I posted it, I decided to make it a little nicer, but by that time the GD thread had grown too ugly for it.

I may post it again with an eye towards adding to my journal.

Thank you everyone for your comments!

[TallahasseeGrannie]

13. This is a concept I feel strongly about

tolerance is a nice concept, but it implies something ugly. I really liked your take on it all.