I have a question about religion and coping with death

[DemGirl7]

About a year ago my father died, and since than my mother has been doing some things that seem a little odd, that she has never done before. To begin with, My family has always been somewhat secular, even through me and my siblings were all baptized Catholic, but we never really practiced the religion, on holidays like Easter and Christmas we would decorate the house in both religious and secular symbols, and every now and then My mom would say something like "You're not suppose to do that, you're Catholic". But since my father's death she has done somethings that seem a little odd, the most recent being on this past Good Friday, she for the first time made kinda of a big deal over not eating meat on Good Friday, she told me "that I'm not supposed to eat meat, and that I'm a bad Catholic, and I should start practicing the religion a litte bit" when I had no objections to not eating meat in the first place. I think it's a little weird, because she never made a big deal about it before when my father was alive, would this have anything with my Mom tying to cope with my father's death? And by the way I really don't consider myself to have no religion, because I do wonder if there is a higher power, and I think the jury is still out, but at the same time I do look at most things in a logical way.

[H2O Man]

1. People react to death

in a wide variety of ways. Your mother obviously misses your father, and there is a void in her life right now. It's good that you are there for her, and it is important that you help take care of her, and take care of yourself. Think for yourself, and act for others.

Part of the job we parents have is to worry about things with our children. We do not limit it to important things. It's come to a point that if I tell my youngest daughter to eat her meat at supper, she and the others begin to do the Pink Floyd "how can you have yer pudding if ya don't eat your meat?" routine. It doesn't hurt to remind parents that their children's lives are just starting, and that they will be just fine.

[Warpy]

2. People do weird things when they're grieving

My mother died a year and a half ago, and I was astounded at some of the things coming out of my father's mouth. They'd been married for 57 years, and although she'd been in poor health for over 3 years, the end came as a shock. He was squirrely (no other word for it) for about a year. He's now starting to get on with things, cleaning out her closet and going through all the junk the two of them had amassed in the 30 years they'd lived in that house.

Your mother is probably returning to old style Catholicism as a way of coping and finding meaning in her loss. You can gently remind her that she's entitled to make the rules in her own home, but not yours. Don't be afraid to set a few limits, but do it gently.

There is no timetable for grief, and grief happens in all sorts of ways.

I'm just glad my father's grief didn't translate into a convertible and a moneygrubbing floozie.

[DemGirl7]

4. Yeah, But the problem is that my mom isn't Catholic

she was baptized as some domination of Protestantism, so it's really weird, because it's like she took the identity of the of my father's religion, even through he didn't really practice it.

[trotsky]

6. A way to honor him, or his memory, I would guess.

Even little things associated with a recently departed loved one can bring great comfort by re-enacting or reinforcing them. "It's what they would have wanted."

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

8. After the death of my grandmother

I took up genealogy and found out about my family tree. Family was important to Gran, and she always wanted to know if she was related to a Pilgrim. It took me about a quarter century, but I found out what she wanted to know.

[blackcat77]

3. She was confronted with the reality of death

In a society that works very hard to deny it, losing a loved one can be a very shocking experience, and so it's not unexpected for a person to start taking their beliefs more seriously after something like this.

[supernova]

5. This isn't so unusual, part of coping with grief

for many is a return to spirituality in some form. Because your mother grew up Catholic, she's returning to the spirituality she is familiar with. Warning: It can take years to move through the grief process.

There's no telling where she will go with this. Several things can happen:

a) She indugles in this now while she is grieving and returns to her former non-practicing state when the grief subsides.
b) She returns to the RC church and is content there.
c) She returns to the RC and it becomes, over time, a springboard to other kinds of spirituality.

Just be supportive, she's exploring.

[Tux]

7. Yes

She is using religion to cope with her husband's death. Nothing wrong with that but keep an eye on her in case she goes too far and acts like a fundie. Some Evangelical churches prey on people in her situation.