"News that the 'Rapture' Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians"

[Desertrose]

OK...disclaimer: I don't read this blog...another concerned liberal friend sent this to me & even though I'll probably regret it, I'm posting this article anyway...some of the other articles on this blog make me want to :puke: :cry: or :banghead:...maybe all of them.

surreal :scared:


http://swiftreport.blogs.com/news/2005/03/news_that_the_r.html

News that the 'Rapture' Has Come and Gone Alarms Many Christians

"What if the 'Rapture' happened but you were left behind? That's what millions of Christians are wondering amid mounting evidence that the Rapture, the much-anticipated event in which God summons his faithful to the heavens, may have happened earlier this month. Among the startled 'still here': House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, just one of the political leaders who had expected to be making the trek skyward."

From Capitol Hill to Kansas, finger pointing and questioning: 'why are we still here?'

<snip>

DeLong, who also heads up the Baptist Leadership Council, will join other prominent Christian leaders, including the Reverends Tim Lahaye, James Dobson and Franklin Graham, for an emergency meeting later this week. "At this point, we're concluding that this was probably a practice round before the real deal," says Pastor DeLong. "That's the only way this makes any sense. He left behind all of the wrong people. Why would He do that?"

The right—left behind

Meanwhile, no one appears to have made the trip upwards from Capitol Hill. Beltway observers had speculated that dozens of high-profile leaders, including President Bush and Representative DeLay, would be raptured, possibly setting off a complex battle over succession within the halls of power.


So certain were these men that their earthly tenure was coming to an end, say sources, that they scheduled a lengthy break over the Easter weekend. While Stewart Roy, a spokesman for Mr. DeLay, refused to acknowledge that the House Majority Leader has indeed been left behind, he did confirm that the Texas representative is taking some much-needed time off. "Let's just say that there are some unexpected openings in his schedule. I'm not going to say anything more than that."

and if you're brain isn't on overload yet, try this one....about "Conception Parties" ...:crazy:
http://swiftreport.blogs.com/news/2005/03/christian_conce.html#more


On edit- I hope to hell this is a satire site...anymore I have a reeeally hard time telling what is for real & what ain't here in bush's world. :blush:
(It is pretty funny about the gold chains & piercings left behind....reminds me of a recent Daily show sketch)

[AVID]

1. damn . . . I was hoping more would leave nt

[Dookus]

2. heheh

The Swift Report is a satire site, like The Onion. It's named for Jonathan Swift, the great satirist.

[Desertrose]

10. hope you're right Dookus

I saw swift & immediately thought of swift as in "swiftboat" and the brain went from there.....

DOH!

[libhill]

3. You sure that

this isn't more "Landover Baptist" satire? This crap can't be real -????

[librechik]

4. curses!

Swift report is a bigger menace than the Onion!

It's devilishly subtle and plays on our secret fantasies...

Wow, that was GREAT while it lasted...

Heh, somebody ought to actually spread this story.

[paineinthearse]

8. I had the same thought

Reads like Onion!

Someone should post to FR or some other retug site.

[Luminous Animal]

5. Deleted.

[paineinthearse]

6. Did anyone receive an email?

Remember the post from a few weeks ago that some guy had a subscription website that, when it does come, the subscriber's friends would receive an email to announce the subscriber had been raptured?

[Desertrose]

11. nope I didn't get the email...but then again

I never expected to either...:evilgrin:


I'm just sittin back watchin' the show :popcorn:

[Q3JR4]

7. I sure hope that "rapture" thingy happens quickly,

I'm tired of dealing with those people.

:banghead:

[NVMojo]

9. ROF!!!

:rofl:

[madeline_con]

12. ok, this has got to be satire

there's an ad on the page "Let your loved ones know they've been left behind", like you'd send an email from heaven...

OR, the writers could just be certifiable, and are serious about the site.

BTW, on an episode of "Six Feet Under", these guys had all these blow-up dolls filled with helium for this party. They loaded them in a truck to deliver Them, and they got into a fender bender, the dolls started floating up.

This lady saw them, and thinking it was the rapture, ran into traffic and got killed. :eyes:

[Crunchy Frog]

13. I think that must be satire.

It looks like something worthy of The Onion.

The really sad thing about the state of our country right now is that it's getting difficult to tell whether something is satire or for real. The entire country has almost become a parody of itself.

[LdyGuique]

14. My daughter and I were discussing the rapture

the other night. She didn't know what it meant and when I said, "All the fundies will be dragged straight into heaven, and the rest of us will be left behind."

She didn't lose a beat -- "Thank GAWD!!!"

[YankeyMCC]

15. Very funny

But the tip off is that is it written as if Delay actually believed in this stuff.

It's all about political opportunism and manipulation for him.