I just found out a friend of mine died last week.

[Goblinmonger]

When I was doing my graduate work, my GTA position was assistant coach for the debate team at the university. One of the students I coached and who lived with my wife and I for a summer in our extra bedroom, who was only 5 years younger than I, died last week after 2 weeks in a coma. He lived in an older building in Brooklyn, was at a friend's party one floor up, and fell down an open stairwell with no railing hitting his head on the bottom.

I'm not religious nor especially spiritual, but the death of this 35-year-old man brought up a few thoughts I wanted to share with my friends here:

1. Why do people that I hate live to be 110 but this guy, who never said a mean thing in his life, dies at 35?
2. I had not been in contact with this person for several years. We were very good friends during our time together at the university and I know that he knew how special our friendship was to me. But I never said it. And that bums me out. A lot.
3. To all my friends here. I know I have never seen you in real life and wouldn't know you if I hit you with my car, but you are all special to me. I'm not going to "not say it" anymore. I love you guys.

Thanks for listening/reading. I think I needed to type all that.

[MADem]

1. Life is short, isn't it. For some, anyway.

Your friend leaves at 35, and the last WW1 Navy vet dies at 105.

You just never know.

[Goblinmonger]

8. Make the most of it,

I guess. He had a good life. That's all we can hope for I guess.

[MADem]

19. Ain't that the truth. When you think "Life sucks" you just have to consider the alternative.

If I could approach life like Art Buchwald, I'd consider myself successful at living.

[cosmik debris]

2. Thanx for posting that

Every loss reminds us to value what we have left. And if you will excuse my callousness, I would rather learn that from your loss than my own. So thank you for sharing and teaching me your lesson.

[Goblinmonger]

5. Thank you.

I enjoy reading your posts and enjoy your humor, wit and intelligence. And I didn't see it as callous at all.

[ThomCat]

3. I'm very sorry about your friend.

:hug:

[Goblinmonger]

6. Thanks

You and I have gone back and forth a couple times on the Snickers ad, but your posts have always made me think and that is a good thing. I know you and I would have a good time over a beverage of our choice.

[ThomCat]

10. If you're ever in NYC

I'd definitely join you for that. :)

[rubberducky]

4. Went to a funeral 2 weeks ago for a 30-year-old

friend of my son`s. A car accident victim in a coma for 8 years. The boys had been friends since first grade. I loved him ssoooo much, as did my son. I can relate to your feelings. This boy will live in my heart and my memories forever. I guess, that is all we can do to keep them alive in memories. DU is such a special place, although I`m not a frequent poster I`m ever lurking and learning. This is home to me.

[Goblinmonger]

7. I know what you mean.

I have been flooded with memories of our times together. Very good and very sad feelings all at once. Crying is so cleansing. I am glad that whatever social norm tells boys not to cry did not land too deeply with me. My son just laughed at me for crying when Parent Trap was on the other day.

[rubberducky]

9. Tears are for today, but our memories last forever!

Our Du family helps us to see that life goes on. I came home from the funeral and clicked on to DU, just to understand that fact. Through tears, I found I could even laugh at the flame wars.

[countmyvote4real]

11. I am sorry for your loss and touched by your post.

What touched me most was your regret for not having expressed your mutual appreciation. If that's where it stops, then you don't have to go down that street. Your friend/acquaintance already "got it" from you as his mentor, landlord and friend. Be glad that his light touched you.

[Evoman]

12. Aw man...I'm sorry.

There were some people on this board, and that includes you, who helped me immensly in ways that they don't realize after my cousin died. She was 25, and there was NEVER a day that she wasn't beaming. She was basically the heart of my family, and we were crushed when we lost her. And the saddest thing is that I'm not exxagerating about her, like people tend to do after loved ones die...she was one of the friendliest, best people in this world. Son of bitches like me live forever, but diamonds like her don't last as long as they should.

Aw fuck...I'm getting close to crying, so I'm gonna stop.

And I love you too man.

Evo.

[adadem]

13. Question number 1

is what I'll ask when I die, if there is a God/higher authority.

My uncle (by marriage) was the most wonderful, kind, thoughtful man. Put everyone's needs before his own. Of course he died, in his early 50's, after suffering horribly with cancer for years. I've observed this happen over and over again with kind, thoughtful people.

But the idiot my sister married, who beat his kids and verbally/emotionally abused everyone else in the family goes on and on and on.

I'll never understand.

I am sorry for your loss.

[Evoman]

14. "God wants the good ones to be with him in heaven where they deserve"

is the usual answer to this. But I can't help but thinking: that makes god a selfish asshole. He gets them for fucking eternity...like he couldn't let the good ones stay for awhile where they are needed.

[varkam]

15. GM - I'm sorry for you losing a friend.

I know sorry is cheap, but unfortunately, it is also all I have to offer.

Death is always a hard thing to deal with, regardless of whether or not you're religious or not. Why do the good die young? Life is not always fair. Evil deeds go unpunished while good ones go unnoticed, likewise evil people bathe in glory while good ones fall down a stairwell in Brooklyn. So then why is life like that? Beats me, friend.

As for #2, I wondered how many husbands and wives got into arguments in the early morning hours of September 11th, 2001 before heading off to work in the WTC, or before boarding a plane. I wondered how many had the opportunity to say "I love you" and never did. I always thought that was so terrible - and it is pretty sad. It never occurred to me until just now, however, that they knew it. That's what mattered. If your friendship was special to you, then I'd wager he knew it.

As for #3, carpe diem, my friend.

[trotsky]

16. Sorry to hear the news, GM.

My condolences.

Death never seems to makes sense. 10 years ago I lost my best friend at the time to leukemia. Like your friend, he was nothing but nice to everyone he met. And yet here's "The Dick" Cheney with faulty ticker and all, probably going to outlive all of us. You want an argument why there's no god? That's a big one right there.

[YankeyMCC]

17. My sympathies

I'll just make one comment on your second comment and really it's just a note of shared commiseration - I don't think you can ever feel you've shared as much as you should with someone who you cared for very much when they die. We're imperfect and that certainly extends to our ability to communicate. I still wring my hands over things I did not talk about or share with my Dad but I'm slowly coming to terms with it...keep your friends memory alive, keep alive in you all the things he inspired in you through his friendship and that'll help - at least it's helped me.

[Dorian Gray]

18. Goblinmonger

I am very very sorry for your loss. (I, too, am a 35 year old (female) living in Brooklyn, so your story hit close to home for me.) It's very difficult to suffer the loss of anyone close to you, and somebody so young is really difficult.

I truly hope that you are able to deal with this with the help of your other friends. I know you aren't religious, so I won't say anything in that vein. No prayers or anything. :) But, I do wish you the best and truly hope that you are able to deal with this tragedy with the help of loving friends and family.

[ulysses]

20. sorry to hear of it.

Wish I had more I could offer. Peace, Gmonger.

[WhollyHeretic]

21. I'm so sorry for your loss GM

the strongest of the strange

you wont see them often
for wherever the crowds are
they
are not.

these odd ones, not
many
but from them
come
the few
good paintings
the few
good symphonies
the few
good books
and other
works.

and from the
best of the
strange ones
perhaps
nothing.

they are
their own
paintings
their own
books
their own
music
their own
work.

sometimes i think
i see
them- say
a certain old
man
sitting on a
certain bench
in a certain
way

or
a quick face
going the other
way
in a passing
automobile

or
there’s a certain motion
of the hands
of a bag-boy or a bag-
girl
while packing
supermarket
groceries.

sometimes
it is even somebody
you have been
living with
for some
time-
you will notice
a
lightning quick
glance
never seen
from them
before.

sometimes
you will only note
their
existence
suddenly
in
vivid
recall
some months
some years
after they are
gone.

i remember
such a
one-
he was about
20 years old
drunk at
10 a.m.
staring into
a cracked
new orleans
mirror

face dreaming
against the
walls of
the world

where
did i
go?

-charles bukowski.

[JerseygirlCT]

22. I'm so sorry, Goblin. What a terrible tragedy, and how hard it

must be to regret the friendship allowed to lapse. I know I often allow that to happen, and it means nothing as to how important the person is to me. It's just the way our lives seem to go now.

Remember the friendship -- that really will live on inside you. And perhaps you were left with a gift in your realization.

I don't think we have any good answers to the question of why, as the rabbi put it, bad things happen to good people.

I'm really sorry, that must be very hard.

[Zhade]

23. I'm sorry, GM.

:hug:

[PassingFair]

24. Random.

Crap luck. So sorry, GM.

:cry:

My beloved father died from ALS 8 years ago, but he was laughing until the day
he drew his last (he refused the respirator) breath.

Random. Shit.

Time makes it easier to handle, but I STILL haven't gotten my "mojo"
back completely.

Maybe I never will.

It DOES get easier.



-Pat