Instructions to voters in Ohio for the 2006 General Election

[Bill Bored]

To have your vote counted:

1. Place missing rare coin from the State Workers' Compensation Fund in the slot immediately to the right of the touch screen.

2. Select Republican candidates for all races.

3. Do not vote for gay marriage, civil unions, separation of church and state, health care for any citizen, reproductive choice or Sponge Bob Squarepants.

4. Do not vote for ANY voter-verified paper ballots, audit trails or auditing of any kind.

5. Each voter may write in the name of one person in a persistent vegetative state whom the voter wishes to be kept on life support indefinitely.

6. If you did not vote in any race(s) on the ballot, you will be prompted to either review your ballot or retrieve your change from the coin return slot immediately below the touch screen.

7. Deposit any change from un-voted races in the slot marked "Ohio Republican Party Legal Defense Fund" immediately to the left of the touch screen.

Voters not in possession of rare coins to operate this machine properly must either obtain a Provisional Ballot or vote Democrat.

Have a nice Election Day!:)

[Shoeempress]

1. LOL