Cardinals Use Electronic Voting Machines to Elect New Pope

[garybeck]

Amazing news!



George W. Bush Elected Pope ... Cardinals Stunned!
Reported by Monsignor Guido Sarducci



The almost 120 Cardinals from around the world that gathered to choose a successor in the Vatican's Sistine Chapel were stunned and expressed amazement.


Cardinal Mohoney the Vatican spokesperson had this to say...


"We in the conclave are all shocked. We cast our vote's using these new electronic voting machines. The results overwhelmingly favored George W. Bush over all the Catholic candidates. The last Pope, John Paul, was a superb linguist, fluently speaking 11 languages, this one can't speak fluently in one language. We just don't know what to say."


The White House has announced that Dick Cheney will assume command as
President of the world tomorrow morning, when "W' travels to Rome to
begin his duties as Pope.


George W. Bush had this to say moments ago as he spoke from the Rose
Garden:


"I am honoured to be the spiritual lighthouse, and the first War Pope."

====
this was forwarded from a friend. I edited it a little. I don't know who wrote it.

[The Doctor.]

1. Not the first 'War Pope'.

There've been quite a few.

(please don't ban me now.)

[garybeck]

4. good point, but he'd be the first to call himself that

[Maple]

2. The surprising thing

is that this would NOT surprise me

[Bill Bored]

3. I thought it would have been Jeb.

After all, he's Catholic now and he has such reverence for life.
The Albert Schweitzer of Tallahassee!
I hear he doesn't even step on Palmetto Bugs!

[Nothing Without Hope]

6. Well maybe he's nice to palmetto bugs, but he sure hates those judges! n/t

[Nothing Without Hope]

5. Did you see this thread? Seems the Vatican already has a NUCLEAR OPTION

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3488708
Thread title: From AmericaBlog: The Vatican already has the NUCLEAR OPTION

[garybeck]

7. don't u mean "nuk-u-lar"? n/t

[Nothing Without Hope]

8. Guess I haven't been staring at my "Bush Virtues Inspirational Picture"

enough recently, please forgive my transgression. The Picture reminds me of what makes a great president:



After enough meditation on this, my pronunciation will become more Bushlike.

[garybeck]

9. reminds me of the photo of him falling off his Segway n/t

[Nothing Without Hope]

10. me too:

I had them both out tonight because the first reminded me of the second. What a fool.

[Peace Patriot]

11. We really need a photo of the assembled cardinals, Pope Bush and the...

casting of the ballots (say, an ornate gold ballot box, like a Tabernacle, with Diebold inscribed in Romanesque letters). Each time they vote, they send smoke up a chimney. White, if a pope has been elected; black (I think) if no one elected yet. (This is true.) You could do a lot with these elements. (I'm not a graphics person.)

But I have some candidates for replacing the faces of the real cardinals with a cut-out of someone else. Mostly it would be people like Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, Tony Blair, Tom Delay--but I think I'd put in some funny ones, like John, Paul, George and Ringo, and Marilyn Monroe.

Oops, I forgot! You have to have a prick to sit in that august assemblage.

I was thinking of the election of the Pope the other day, and how I am automatically disqualified from voting. And what-all they have done over the centuries...

The level of hypocrisy of the Bush Cartel almost matches that of the Roman Catholic Church, and the Church has been at it a lo-o-o-o-o-o-ot longer than the Bushites.

[Wilms]

12. Here's Pope Bush...