I Need A Lawyer, Quickly

[demwing]

If there are any DUers in Utah who are also Lawyers, I need council now.

My wife and I have had a troubled marriage for some years, but we've always managed to come through. After the recent death of our youngest son (we lost him to cancer) she has locked herself in her room (we've slept separately for some time), and would only come out when I'm gone to work, quickly grab food and booze, and return to her room, to drink, eat, and blast the stereo.

Last night she packed a bag and left while I was at work. Our 14 year old son was at home to witness this, and she would not tell him where she was going. only that she would come back in a week and get the rest of her stuff.

When I returned home, I went into her room. It was disgusting. Beer cans everywhere, rotten food in bowls, mixed with cigarette butts, and a weird message scrawled on the door in lipstick saying "I hope you live forever." The creepy part was that she had taped kitchen knives, forks, and sewing pins to the walls around the messages. It scared the crap out of me.

There is no history of spouse or child abuse, except for one incident where she came downstairs drunk, thrashed the house, and bit me. I called the police on her, and she now has a record of family violence in the presence of a child.

I need to get divorce papers served asap, and a retraining order to keep the woman from coming back into this house, but I'm afraid that I'll risk sharing custody of my son if I don't do this right. Fathers don't fare well in Utah, I hear. I went to a local law firm in Salt Lake, but they wanted 2 thousand bucks just to start, with a promise of more fees to come. I can't afford that, but I can't afford to procrastinate either.

In short, I need a lawyer, quickly.

Are there any DUers out there that are lawyers? Anyone that can help?

[demwing]

1. 55 views and not a single response?

Does no one know a progressive, reasonably priced lawyer in Utah, that can help with father's rights?? Are there not any Lawyers in this state that hang on DU?

I'm not looking for a handout, gang. I just need a helping hand.

[utdems1]

2. Utah Democratic Lawyers Council

Try contacting the Utah Democratic Lawyers Council at
[e-mail]. Perhaps they could give you a reference
near where you live.

[demwing]

3. thank you

really, thank you very much

[DollyM]

4. Not a lawyer but a mental health professional . . .

It sounds like to me that she has become psychotic. I would suggest calling your local community mental health clinic as well as the police and explain about her bizzare behavior and that you fear for the safety of you and your son.

[midnight]

5. I don't understand why divorce is so expensive.

I hope all moves forward towards a good resolution for your son, the mother of your son, and yourself.

[webDude]

6. try these links...

I have experience with TEXAS Fathers for Equal rights, they did help. Do not know if there is one in Utah, here is the link for Colorado:
http://www.fathers4kids.com/html/Home.htm

Here's one I have not tried, looks promising, maybe get input, tonight?
http://www.justanswer.com/law/family

God bless you, her and the rest of your family.

[webDude]

7. They call the Family Law Center, here, in Houston, ...

...the Palace of Perjury. Can get pretty cynical.

[pnwmom]

8. While you look for a lawyer, get out your video or still camera and document

that whole room just as she left it.

One of the best ways to find a lawyer is to ask your friends. Surely someone you know is divorced and can recommend their lawyer to you -- or saw their ex-spouse's lawyer in action and wished s/he were on the other side.

[LoKnLoD]

9. Good luck

She can be a total whacko in Utah and this state will still give her custody. Get ready to be constantly pissed off as your rights are walked upon left and right just because your sex is male. Been there. Document everything.

[Th1onein]

10. CALM DOWN AND LISTEN UP:

Don't go jumping the gun here. She has left. Change the locks. If you can, MOVE.

Don't jump into divorce unless you have your guns fully loaded. Document, document, document. First, document that room she just left. Then, document the days she is gone. If she breaks into the house, document it.

She has abandoned you, abandoned her child, and abandoned the property. Document it.

Coming on here and asking for a divorce attorney right away is like saying, "Hey, I need to drop some money quickly!" Don't do it. You stand as much of a chance of getting custody of your son if you file for divorce now than if she filed for it later on. BUT, because she's unstable mentally, you stand a better chance of getting custody if you wait and let her self-destruct before you file.

Use your head.

On the other hand, use your heart. You have lost a child. This breaks up many marriages, but it can also bring you closer, and in that closeness, the memory of your child lives on. Pain shared, is halved.

I have lost a child, I know how much it hurts. It is devastating. And men and women experience this devastation in different ways. They react differently. Recognize this. (I drank myself into oblivion for three years after the death of my son.) If there is a problem, it is very likely that you are a part of that problem. I'm not saying that she should be absolved. I'm just saying that you need to recognize your part in the breakup of your marriage.

Finally, think about the child that you have left. He has lost his brother; now he will be losing his mother, too. Divorce is really hard on children. Are you sure you want to put him through this right now?

Do not jump the gun and file for divorce. It is one of the stupidest things you could possibly do right now.

[southernyankeebelle]

11. You sure have alot of your plate - I agree to calm down and take a

step back. You need to document everything. Make sure that you put dates, and times and write down everything she said. Those things are very important. Make sure you take pictures of the room in the condition she left it in. If by the time income tax comes around and you can make some money from your taxes than you can use that money for a divorce lawyer. If by Feb she hasn't come around than I would seriously look at divorcing her. You don't want to be responsible if she does anything bad to someone or herself. You could also file go to the courthouse and look up documents on how to do divorce papers yourself. Buy if I were you and she is unstable I would get a lawyer. But I would wait for awhile. God bless you. God help your wife.

[JimDandy]

13. Good advice, but I'd have said at least file

for a restraining order against her immediately, with the documentation mentioned above. She sounded too unbalanced to have allowed her around your family and home at the time this was happening. Would have been best to work to get her psychological help first, then if all else failed, file for divorce (I think Utah is a "no fault" divorce state). The OP was from 2009 -- Wonder how it worked out for them?

[Name removed]

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[mh74562]

14. delete

[Umbral]

15. This may not be his purview, but if you need a smart lawyer, fast...

Might I suggest a lawyer out of Provo, Jordan Christianson. He may not be able to help you himself, but I'm sure he can steer you in the right direction. Yellow or white pages should be sufficient. Good luck.

[Name removed]

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