Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care

[demwing]

WASHINGTON—After months of committee meetings and hundreds of hours of heated debate, the United States Congress remained deadlocked this week over the best possible way to deny Americans health care.

"Both parties understand that the current system is broken," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters Monday. "But what we can't seem to agree upon is how to best keep it broken, while still ensuring that no elected official takes any political risk whatsoever. It’s a very complicated issue."

snip

"We have over 40 million people without insurance in this country today, and that is unacceptable," Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) said. "If we would just quit squabbling so much, we could get that number up to 50 or even 100 million. Why, there's no reason we can't work together to deny health care to everyone but the richest 1 percent of the population."
"That's what America is all about," he added.

snip

Though there remain irreconcilable points, both parties have reached some common ground in recent weeks. Senate leaders Harry Reid (D-NV) and Mitch McConnell (R-KY) point to Congress' failure to pass legislation before a July 31 deadline as proof of just how serious lawmakers are about stringing along the American people and never actually reforming the health care industry in any meaningful way.

"People should know that every day we are working without their best interests in mind," Reid said. "But the goal here is not to push through some watered-down bill that only

read more:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/congress_deadlocked_over_how_to

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[WCGreen]

2. Love the Onion...

[Jim Sagle]

3. It's the Onion's world. We just live in it.

;(

[demwing]

4. Sorry Harry, I denied you!

The Reid quote in full:

"People should know that every day we are working without their best interests in mind," Reid said. "But the goal here is not to push through some watered-down bill that only denies health care to a few Americans here and a few Americans there. The goal is to recognize that all Americans have a God-given right to proper medical attention and then make sure there's no chance in hell that ever happens."

[undeterred]

5. Can we get this issue of the Onion delivered to Congress?

[progressoid]

6. Hmmm, they might think it's actual news

Sadly, it may be actual news in a month or two.

[ej510]

8. This a fact.

We know this. At least the informed understand this.

[Arkana]

7. I love the Onion. In a totally manly way.