Anybody see the Weekly World News this week?

[AntiCoup2K4]

NOV. ELECTION CANCELED!
Nation's voting machines are made in Florida -- AND THEY WON'T WORK

By DACK KENNEDY

BUSH WIELDS his "wrench of freedom" in an attempt to appeal to the masses. During a speech in Pennsylvania, he gets all goggle- eyed as he demonstrates how the average American can do their part to combat the threat of evil terrorists. "If you suspect a suspected terrorist, grab a wrench. Grab a hammer. Take hold of your tools and take hold of your freedom!"

Bush's wrench-ed ways Bush's wrench-ed wayspeople something, and soon."

"If you think the country is polarized between liberals and conservatives now, just wait until John drops this bomb- U.S. ATTORNEY General John Ashcroft has secretly canceled the November presidential election because tens of thousands of the country's new voting machines were made in Florida and are so clunky and unreliable that it's going to be impossible to certify the vote.

And that means President George Bush will continue as the commander in chief for "at least another year," says a Justice Department source, "until a Japanese firm can make us precision voting machines that work well!"

We uncover more in this week's Newsstand Issues on sale now!

Published on: 09/13/2004

[Spiffarino]

1. I not only read the WWN,

I'm also its poster child.

[Maple]

2. Jeepers! Last one I saw was

'I was Bigfoot's Love Slave!'

[liberalmuse]

3. What does Bat Boy have to say about this???

You know, I almost believe this story.

I think the last WWN I saw said Bush was replaced with a space alien. Now that I could believe.

[knight_of_the_star]

4. This scares me

Because unlike the other stuff they put out, this could very well happen.

[AntiCoup2K4]

5. Except I don't think most of the electro-fraud boxes are made in Florida

Diebold's in Ohio, isn't it?

[gauguin57]

7. Wha.... you mean their stories aren't TRUE? There's no Bat Boy?

There's no Face on Mars? You mean Hillary isn't getting back at Bill by having an affair with an extra-terrestrial?

You're kidding me, right? Right?

My god ... my world is crumbling beneath my feet. Weekly World News publishes untrue stories. What next?

[featherman]

6. I still have my treasured copy with a cover of

"Proof!!! Dick Cheney is a Robot" and a full front page picture of Cheney opening his shirt to reveal heartless, mechanical insides.
This was the cover! Priceless.

[Laughing Mirror]

11. Is this the one?

[skrunch]

8. Didn't Ed Anger get a job as Crashcart's speechwriter?

"I'm madder than a Swift Boat veteran at a MoveOn house party."

[JSJ]

9. that dack is one hell of a reporter- you go boy!

[Karenina]

10. Kick!

:kick:

[unslinkychild1]

12. Yeah, but only the headlines on the front page at supermarket

Kind of freaked me out. Is our message reaching THAT far down to the mentally defective? Wow, great news!