Cowgirl's Survival Plans: Washington DC Sunday, January 18

bklyncowgirl

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Thu Jan-15-09 07:58 AM
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Cowgirl's Survival Plans: Washington DC Sunday, January 18

OK, so the Lawfully Wedded Husband (henceforth known as LWH) are going to the big Lincoln Memorial Concert on Sunday along with probably half a million to a million of our dearest friends. Gates open at 8:00--we want to be there early to get a good spot. Show starts at 2:30, that's about six hours of sitting on grass that should be the temperature and consistancy of frozen concrete before the show even starts. Weather should be cloudy (oh oh that could mean rain) and mid 20s to high 30s.

Our mission: How do you keep warm, dry, fed, hydrated and reasonable comfortable for 10 or so hours of cold, potentially wet and icy weather?

Restrictions, let's see: Explosives (I suppose that would include our camp stove, damn!) firearms, ammunition (no problem), aerosols (OK), Supports for signs, packages, coolers, thermal (Oh, Oh) or glass containers, backpacks bags and signs exceeding the size restrictions of 6"x4"x8", laser pointers, structures (no tent, damnit) bicycles and any other items determined to be a potential safety hazard. Animals other than helper guide dogs are also prohibited. I guess I can't bring my horse who's a big Obama supporter and a Springsteen fan--unless we we can convince the Secret Service that he's a police horse on loan from New Jersey),

Now LWH and I have some survival creds. He was an Eagle Scout, I was a First Class Girl Scout. We have a garage full of camping gear. We've done protests in DC since the Reagan Administration. We can do this.

Let's see:

Comfort: There's that cool Thermarest ripoff inflatable mattress that we bought for 20 bucks at Aldi. It folds down into an 8" package. We used to have two of them but mice got to the other one. One will do for sitting and if we can keep our backs warm we should be OK.

Warmth: Sleeping bags! (It doesn't say anything about sleeping bags in there, does it). Admittedly sleeping bags are bigger than 6"x8" but what if you wear them over your coat as you go through security? We might look like a couple of homeless people but what the hell.

Food & Water: No glass bottles. Does that mean plastic or aluminum's OK? We can fill plastic or aluminum bottles with hot water which we'll heat at that picnic area north of DC with our forbidden camp stove and put them in the 8"x6"x4" softside cooler we had to buy on our last vacation because Eagle Scout forgot to bring our old one. We can also bring Dehydrated Backpacking meals to go with the hot water we will be transporting in the aforementioned cooler. A little trail mix and some energy bars and we're good. Oh yeah and a hip flask of "Appropriate Adult Beverage". Better not bring Dad's prohibition era stainless steel hip flask--I'd hate to have that family heirloom confiscated by some overzealous Secret Service Agent. LWH's cheapo plastic flask will do.

Ponchos: one on the ground under the inflatable mattress from Aldi and the other over the sleeping bags. We'll wear them into the event over the sleeping bags. (Is this going to get us stopped, strip searched and sent to the soon to be closed GITMO? Maybe we should forget the sleeping bags and go with emergency blankets or bivy sacks and plenty of clothes.)

Camera: Gotta take pictures.

And above all, the most basic necessity of all........

TOILET PAPER!

So if you see a couple of homeless people wearing sleeping bags, mismatched ponchos sharing a hip flask and standing next to a dark bay horse who's wearing a saddle cloth with "Red Bank Police Department" crudly stitched on it screaming BBBRRRRUUUUCCCCE! Come on over and say HI! We'll have plenty of toilet paper.