How to tell it's going to be a good night for John McCain

[Bucky]

 
McCain Predicts Late-Night Win on Election Day
'I hope it peaks out at just about mid-day next Tuesday,' McCain said in an interview with FOX News

John McCain, predicting "we may be up late" on Election Day, told FOX News on Thursday that he intends to surge in the final hours of his underdog presidential campaign.

  For those of you unable to stand the suspense of wondering  
what a McCain victory will look like on Tuesday, here's a few helpful clues on what to be on the look-out for...

First, go outside with a shovel. Are your feet starting to feel cold? Good. Check the ground; it should seem frigid to the touch. Start diggging with the shovel. After going through a few feet of dirt, you should hit some nearly frozen slush. This is a good sign. Once you hit permafrost, quit digging--by then you'll have confirmed that hell has, indeed, frozen over.

  Around the time the polls start closing on the east coast, brace yourself and try to lower your center of gravity. Within a few seconds, if you suddenly find your body lurching violently toward the east, then the earth has now officially halted in its revolutions and the Newtonian principles of inertia acting on your body and all living beings on the planet will continue to hurtle you along. Try and aim your body for something soft like a couch or your uncle to soften the landing.

In a few seconds the world will resume its rotation, however now going in a reverse trajectory as the forces of time themselves start to move backward. By the next morning the sun will start to rise in the west in a curious reinactment of the Arizona state flag.

By morning, McCain will be rising steadily in the polls and moving ever closer to the moment that he isn't affiliated with Sarah Palin. But keep an eye out on the skies overhead while all this is going on. You don't want to be hit on the head with any falling pig poop. No matter how much lipstick they wear, their shit still stinks.

[JuniperLea]

1. What a dreamer...

The last votes to hit are from the West Coast... you know, that loooooong blue area... CA (55 Electoral Votes!!!), OR, WA... what a moran.

[Bucky]

4. I admire a dreamer.

The delusional, not so much

[roguevalley]

11. what an inappropriate dress for that news skank to wear for that.

[MrModerate]

2. Re: digging . . . the other alternative is that . . .

You live in Alaska!

[Bucky]

5. Hell, Alaska, whatever

[Ken Burch]

7. ...As an Alaskan, I resent that. There's a BIG difference between here and Hell.

Hell has cheaper salmon and lower utility rates.

[roguevalley]

12. here here and you can travel from here to there on bridges of

broken dreams.

[MadMaddie]

3. That about sums it up...

What else is he going to say?

McCain is depending on Joe the plumber to help him and this means the campaign is in deep shit....

[bertman]

6. They already got it figured out:

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/diebold_accidentally_leaks

[LisaLynne]

8. I love how the reporter's name is ...

"WHORton". :)

[grace0418]

9. I guess our global warming problems are over if McCain wins and hell freezes over.

That's one positive. :)

[happygoluckytoyou]

10. a good night for MCCAIN... 8pm bedtime and less than 5 trips to the POTTY