I saw the Obama hate up close and personal in the last two days.

[Erin Elizabeth]

It wasn't pretty. I was at a work conference. It started last night, with a woman who said with a straight face that if Obama is elected, he'll "disband the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines immediately." With. A. Straight. Face. I asked why exactly he would do that but another woman interrupted and I never got an answer.

Then Hateful Woman said "there was this black man in line to vote---y'all, I swear I'm getting more and more racist the older I get--and he--" at that point, I grabbed my purse, stood up and abruptly said I was going to the bathroom. She's my boss's boss. Normally I'd listen and then tell her what bullshit that was, but they're already looking for positions to cut in my department and she has a lot of say in that. I guess I could have lost my job over it, but paying the mortgage won out. I don't feel good about that, but it is what it is. At the VERY least, I didn't want to hear that shit, so I left the table for a while. Went to the bathroom. Thought of all the African-American people I love, wanted to cry, wanted to kick a wall, went back.

When I came back, she had finished off another drink and was yelling about how great Sean Hannity is. My boss is sympathetic and an Obama voter, but apparently not "out" so she just gave me a knowing look.

Another co-worker started in on how she thinks the election is going to be "hanging-chad-close and Supreme-Court-close." Again my mouth fell open and I said "you REALLY think so???" She said yup, she really did believe that. Two of the other women nodded, my boss just looked at me again like "what are ya gonna do?" Then I realized they NEED to believe that right now.

Today at lunch, a professional catered thingie, two women I didn't know (but who were part of the conference) looked over at the TV over the bar in the hotel and one actually SNARLED and said "He's ALWAYS on TV now, ALWAYS. I'm so SICK of him." I had no idea what she was talking about so I turned around and there was Obama on CNN. "Oh I KNOW," said the other woman, "he acts like he's already president or something." Much rolling of eyes except for from me, my boss, and one African-American lady sitting at the table.

Then they started in on how SORRY they feel for Palin for the clothing stuff. "I mean," said one woman "they aren't HER CLOTHES!" (Is this the latest argument? I've apparently been more insulated than I thought.)

After they got done having a pity party for her, I did say "well it does make it kind of hard to act like you're Jane Sixpack when you're wearing a wardrobe worth more than most people make in years of salary."

Now that time quite a few at my table nodded and agreed, except the two Main Haters, who snarled again. Their response? "Well, whatever."

LOL.

But I swear to God, the most hateful lady asked another woman if she would change places with her at the table so she wouldn't "have to look at that PERSON" while she was EATING.

Oh my God, y'all. What incredible hate. Even with Bush, I wouldn't have said something like that and I think he's a dumb asswipe. But I wouldn't act like some immature asshole about him being on a TV 150 feet away from me during a professional work lunch.

The woman she wanted to trade places with was the African-American woman. She gladly changed places with her. When I looked over at her after that, she winked at me. I smiled. Then she watched Obama on that TV while she ate and beamed.

[msongs]

1. dont hang out with these people for meals, especially where this alcohol perhaps nt

[Erin Elizabeth]

3. 99% of the time, I don't. I had no choice--it was an out of town

work event.

It happens about two to four times a year, fortunately. Not too often. And this one happened to hit really close to the election, sigh.

[LisaM]

26. LOL, it took me a couple of minutes to figure out why you were seemingly having drinks

while you were at work - then I re-read the part about the conference!

[eshfemme]

2. Yeah, what's not addressed is the whole concept of white privilege

A lot of white people don't even consider it when they go on and on about reverse racism or affirmative action (which I agree is flawed and should be more about class rather than race). Even the more enlightened who don't have such ridiculous hatred don't consider white privilege as constructively as they should as the idea of white guilt is rather flawed too.

So yeah... I'm just sorry that these are professional women acting like this... it's immature behavior that shouldn't be happening as it obviously creates a hostile atmosphere as well as makes them appear to be less than competent at keeping their emotions separate from their reasoning abilities. It really doesn't help the misogynistic stereotype of female hysteria.

[Erin Elizabeth]

5. Your last paragraph is absolutely fantastic.

Spot on.

[eshfemme]

13. Yeah, I just realized that I probably didn't illustrate properly my train of thought

The reason why I mentioned white privilege is that I've seen a lot of this type of conversation before albeit not of such vitriol that to me, as a minority (albeit with more positive stereotypes than the negative), seems to be more like people who are on top of a pedestal looking down on others and aggrieved at seeing something that might spoil their view.

It's just ironic to me for professional women to be so defensive of someone they obviously see as a comrade and in doing so, they spoil their own case just because they are so ignorant of their own ridiculousness. Just like the labels of nouveau riche that was put on those who made their wealth by the ones who were born with silver spoons in their mouths like it was something to be ashamed of that the wealth had to be worked for rather than given. That is all.

[BlooInBloo]

4. hahaha! I wish I had been there. The good times really woulda been rolling!

[QueenOfCalifornia]

37. We could have had

us some fun...

I love dumbfucks when they drink and say amazingly brilliant stuff about loving Sean Hannity.:crazy:

:)

[pkz]

6. A damn W-Mart paint mixer guy

went off on me after he spotted my Obama button.
I know a lot of good Dem WV'ans that are going to vote for our candidate, but there is something about Obama that scares the bejesus out of some of these rednecks.
(like his intelligence maybe)

[Tallison]

7. Bigotry and racism are necessarily personal

Hence the emotional intensity to Obama opponents' dislike for him.

[Cha]

8. That's my idea of hell..right there.

You poor thing.

[Erin Elizabeth]

10. I texted my husband at different points.

He was helpful: "blow it off" "just don't listen to their shit" "go to your happy place" (which is Christmas, btw, LOL!)

Thank God for him.

[Cha]

15. Yeah, that would cancel it out.

Thank the Universe for texting:)

[cosmicone]

9. Look on the bright side ....

Barack's victory and the rout of repukes will be much sweeter for you!

[Erin Elizabeth]

11. I'm kinda worried about their mental health.

I mean, what the fuck, are their heads going to explode for REAL or what???

[cosmicone]

34. Nice thought but

these people are sort of high-functioning psychotics with fixed delusions. They will get angry and start planning for something to do hurt the new admin with like they did to Bill Clinton.

[phusion]

12. An unwilling work "social" with alcohol involved?

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. I'm sorry you had to go through that...But at least there were some reasonable women around.

[Erin Elizabeth]

14. Yep. Thank God for my boss.

I shared a hotel room with her and not those other women, thank goodness. We definitely talked a LOT about that evening when we got back, LOL!

[FlyingSquirrel]

16. Oh, believe me... I would have said the same thing about Bush.

How could I possibly keep any food down while he's on the TV in front of me? No fucking way. It's sad that she feels that much hate toward Obama but my hatred of Bush runs much deeper I'm sure.

[Erin Elizabeth]

19. If you were at a formal professional work function?

You'd really insist someone change places with you so you wouldn't get sick looking at him?

I'd certainly THINK it, but I wouldn't say it and do it at a work function where I'm supposed to be professional. Now if I were with friends, different story, LOL.

And at the work thing I just wouldn't look at the TV. It was REALLY far away.

[FlyingSquirrel]

27. I suppose you're right. n/t

[OnceUponTimeOnTheNet]

17. Mile wide smile on my face at that last paragraph. Thank You. nt

[susanwy]

18. I was at a conference all last week.

Fortunately most people in my field (GIS) are pretty liberal (unless they are part of the oil & gas industry). Had a nice conversation at one table during formal dinner, with folks from Colorado that were voting Obama. Later, at the closing, one woman, who I've known via work for a long time and knows I'm liberal while she is a "true" conservative, made a crack about Biden vs Palin. Then she turned and looked at the rest of the table, who were all glaring at her and it was like a bubble over her head - "Opps, these people don't hate like me, time to STFU." It was pretty priceless.

[JuniperLea]

20. McCain/Palin empowers and emboldens their supporters...

To say the heinous things they would normally only think.

[writes3000]

21. Now THIS is how you write a post about ignorance! The last line made my evening.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Despite the hate, bridges are being built person to person across this country.

[Lex]

22. After all that upset, I did very much like the way it ended.

:)

[political_Dem]

23. I'm sorry that you've had to listen to that. :(

It sounds like it was a horrible situation.

But such a situation was rather instructive in many ways. First, you got to witness what the African-American lady (as well as myself and many others) have had to listen to many times daily throughout her lifetime. Secondly, you get to see what happens without any intervention. The lady will go on about how much she hates Obama until someone tells her that what she says is rather hurtful.

I understand that people have to pick their battles. That's important too.

But it is a fact of life that there are folks due to entitlement and white privilege who will think that they can say anything and get away with it because they perceive that their "ideas and opinions" are considered normal. Furthermore, the lady's reaction to Obama is all about fear of the unknown--because there are few examples (I'm thinking of 24 and Deep Impact)in popular culture that display anyone of color as President of the United States.

But what gives me hope are that there are more people out there who are brave, considerate and respectful of all people. The hope rests with them to speak up whenever someone speaks badly about a person of color. Change also starts there.

[Erin Elizabeth]

24. In any other situation, I'd have given her a serious piece of my

mind. I've done it before, many times.

About seven years ago, I made the conscious decision to speak up when I heard hatred, racism, etc. I've ended friendships because of it. I've abruptly left social engagements because of it. Once a group of women I was with were being so horrible I piped up that I'm sorry I had no idea we were having a klan rally and I seem to have forgotten my HOOD and I really have to GO now because this shit is sickening. Exact words. You could hear a pin drop.

I found our server, paid my share, and left. Needless to say, I wasn't invited to be a part of that group again and I was glad of it. Who needs that?

Another time some friends were telling racist jokes at a backyard BBQ and my daughter was nearby. She was about eight or nine. I told them I'd like them to stop saying offensive stuff like that, especially with kids around. They laughed and said I needed to "get a sense of humor." I said they needed to get a heart and I called my daughter over and we left. Sure, I'm a wet blanket, whatever. I can't tell you how many times after that I was told to "lighten up." But I can tell you this: THOSE particular people didn't say racist stuff around me or my daughter again. They probably still said it, but not when we were around.

I told my neighbor to quit calling black people "Canadians" just so she could talk about them in public.

I swear, if you're white I think you hear it because other white people assume you feel the way they do. They've always been surprised to find not every white person feels the way they do.

Anyway. That was the first time in seven years I didn't directly speak up to the racism and I feel like shit about it. But she literally holds my job in her hands. All I could think to do was get up really quickly and leave the table.

It was noticed, though, by everyone. How fast I left and WHEN I left. How can people live with themselves like that? I wanted to take a shower just from being around her.

[political_Dem]

29. I thank you for caring enough to put a stop to racism. I also appreciate you telling your story.

Speaking about race and racism is very hard thing to do--especially when you have to deal with people who pretend that "racism doesn't exist".

How can people live with themselves as racists? When you don't have empathy for anyone outside of your race, racism comes easy. De-humanization also provides a facile way for racial hatred. That's why the skin-heads who were caught could make such outrageous plans to not only assassinate Mr. Obama, but a hundred other African-Americans too. It's scary to me of the disregard some people have for others they can't emotionally identify with.

[Erin Elizabeth]

32. I haven't prayed in a while, but

I'm praying a lot lately. I honestly don't know what else to do. But I do hope hatred becomes a very archaic thing someday.

Thank you for your posts, I appreciate them. Speaking up to racism/hatred gets easier the more you do it, but it never gets easy to hear. I'll probably always feel like shit about not speaking up last night (I mean, I could have sued if I had been let go, right?) so I need to figure out some way to address this.

[political_Dem]

33. The key is to pick your battles.

First of all, you're very welcome. I thank you for the kind words. Even though I can be a bit terse in my writing, I mean well. ;)

Like I said in the title, picking your battles is probably best. So, don't feel badly. I believe that there are always opportunities for enlightenment that occur in different ways. Sometimes, the "teaching moments" about race happen through other people too. You never know how things work out. The main thing is to have courage, heart, insight and common sense.

I'm sure things will work out for the best. I wish you the best of luck. :) :hug:

[skooooo]

25. "Then I realized they NEED to believe that right now."

That's the really disturbing part, in my opinion. Deep psychological impulses at work here.

:scared:

[rosesaylavee]

28. ...

:hug:

So sorry you work with those two creeps. At least you have a couple of good solid people to make eye contact with.

[Saphire]

30. the owner of my company sent the most racist e-mail to me today...

right now, I've got bills to pay, but I'm getting out asap. I've always talked politics with him, and knew he was a repug., but not that he was such a racist asshole. Geez, and I like my job, too.

[Iris]

46. why do people think that is appropriate in the workplace?

I had a boss who would do that - and it was all anti-Islamic stuff -never mind we were working in a school with a HUGE population of people who practice Islam.

[Kukesa]

31. I'm so sorry for you, Erin. This has happened to me, as well.

There are people I MUST associate with who are racists and wingnuts and it takes me forever to recover from an experience with them. They're so full of hate and so wrong.

My sympathy; you're not alone because I truly know how you're feeling.

Hugs for you.

:hug:

[grantcart]

35. try this

Everytime she starts to say something that is objectionable don't say anything.


Reach for your purse take out pen and paper and start making notes.


If she asks what you are doing just smile and say "nothing"


the paranoia will kill her.

[TheKentuckian]

36. Good call!!!

no one on Earth is equipped to deal with having notes taken on them.

[Nevernose]

38. It's not hate, it's fear, a collective conservative panic attack

It's their one overriding motivation. It manifests itself as hate and anger and paranoia, but it all comes down to a fear of something different.

I was afraid in 2000 -- terrified, in fact -- but I had cold, hard facts and logic to cause that fear. Sadly, my suspicions that Bush was a weak, incompetent buffoon were confirmed. And that's what's so weird about the Obamaphobia: there's nothing rational behind it. Even what could be a reasonable policy debate, e.g. taxation, has been so wrapped up in hyperbole that it's left Planet Earth far behind.

The people stirring all this shit up? They may have never fired a shot, but that doesn't stop them from being domestic terrorists.

[Liberal_in_LA]

39. I hope one day you are 'the boss's boss'.

[Erin Elizabeth]

52. How nice!

I hope not, though. I've seen that job and I don't want it. :rofl: Too much bullshit to deal with. And you've got to step on people to get there and promote yourself constantly. That's just not me and I accepted that years ago.

[GinaMaria]

40. Until very recently, I could not watch * on tv

He made me ill. My stomach turned. I couldn't take it. I didn't want him in my living room. I didn't want to hear his voice in the car. I don't think I was ever in a situation where I was at a work function and had to see him on TV. I think I would have found some excuse to have to work on something, or answer bberry messages etc. I hope I wouldn't have shown my cards as these ladies did. We have a policy in place that does not allow anyone at any level in the organization to discuss politics in terms of taking sides. We cannot discuss debates around the watercooler or comment on Palin's wardrobe. All of that is taboo. After reading your post, I can appreciate how this policy keeps the peace.

Sorry, you are going through this. How uncomfortable. Do you have much longer at the conference?

[Erin Elizabeth]

51. It's over. It was a blessedly short 36 hours.

As for reporting it to HR, the woman's best friend of 30 years is the head of HR. I know just enough of human nature to know that won't go over well.

Fortunately she is retiring in May and I don't normally ever have to be around her, just at the odd conference here and there. And I was sort of surprised--that was the first time she'd EVER brought up politics. I didn't even know how she fell politically until the other night.

[MissMarple]

41. Sounds like you did fine. Must. Pick. Battles.

;)

[goletian]

42. cant you report that to hr or something?

[Iris]

43. The behavior was highly unprofessional.

I can't believe people in positions like that are so stupid, not to mention crass, as to talk about stuff like that openly.

[goletian]

44. im thinkin hr, and if you cant get help there, lawsuit. am i wrong? someone give pro info.

[Iris]

45. If the black employee was sitting there when the comments about the black man voting were made,

I'd think so. Even if she wasn't, it's still creating a hostile environment.

[goletian]

47. regardless, doesnt matter what race she said that in front of! i remember being taught

that political discussion, racism, etc. all fall under the same category as sexual harassment, and it shouldnt go unchallenged. im not trying to tell someone to risk their job or anything, but i would definitely look into my options discretely, at least... if this is commonplace, which i would assume it is...

[Enthusiast]

48. Mife wife is being abused at work

for being an Obama supporter. And she does not wear buttons and is not outspoken. She is not even allowed to defend her choice, she is shouted down.

[democracy1st]

49. thanks for sharing your experience

[tendtoagree]

50. They hate that he cares about the poor

And the middle class more than he does of the wealthy. But he will prevail.

[KurtNYC]

53. They are in mourning -- which is healthy at this point

Doing all 5 stages at once it sounds like.

Shock: "he acts like he's already president or something"

Denial: "hanging chad close"

Anger: throughout

Bargaining: change places with her at the table

Acceptance: "well, whatever"

[barack the house]

54. I'll take grumpiness over extreme hostility.We just don't engage them in convo mostlytill after Nov4