Dear Red States,

[jazzjunkysue]

Dear Red States: (Sent to me by a NYC friend)

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California , Hawaii , Oregon ,Washington , Minnesota , Wisconsin, Michigan , Illinois , and all the Northeast.

And given the whupping John McCain is getting, there may be a few more states to add from the east, and Midwest.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of "New California."

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nueva California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America 's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoia and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States,on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S.
mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent believe that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with
higher morals than we lefties.

Finally, we're taking the good pot, too.You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace and out,

Blue States

[ticapnews]

1. Out of date

Quite a few states that were red are going blue. :)

[Left Is Write]

3. Out of date and just as irritating as ever.

Those of us who are liberal and progressive and living in red states don't like to be thrown under the bus.

[patrice]

7. Thanks for saying this. The OP is DIVISIVE.

[Justyce]

8. No kidding...

[Bicoastal]

2. This sounds old...like something from 2004 with John McCain tacked on.

It's funny, but I think we've all moved on. Obama and Howard Dean taught me that even the Reddest of States have plenty of Blue in them.

[DrToast]

5. Yeah, it was from right AFTER the 2004 election.*

Hey, if we win this year, the red states can stay. They just have to play by our rules!

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

4. No. Because VA, NC, MO and possibly IN are coming our way.

[Captiosus]

6. Pssst.. Maryland was a slave state that was in the union.

Just sayin'.

Virginia wants to be in this new coalition too.
Any Virginian who dislikes it can move to a red state.

[Doctor_J]

9. Shit. If VA turns blue we'll have Liberty U. If MO turns blue we'll have Limpballs

Maybe our tent is getting too fucking big.

[Captiosus]

13. Yeah but see...

We can totally legislate that any "degree" from Liberty University is worthless!

And that goes double for anyone who has a political science degree at Liberty University.
And Regent University. Especially Regent University. Their Political Science school is called the Robertson School of Government. Seriously!

[Occam Bandage]

10. This made sense after the 2004 loss. This makes no sense now that we're headed for victory.

We're trying to flip red states, not flip them off.

[Cursive]

11. ...

"The pundits, the pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I’ve got news for them, too. We worship an "awesome God" in the Blue States, and we don’t like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we’ve got some gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

In the end -- In the end -- In the end, that’s what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or do we participate in a politics of hope?"

- Barack Obama

[beyurslf]

12. It is true Blue states do a lot for Red states. We do however, do a few things for you:

In Red States, we produce most of the beef, chicken, and other meat for the country. You don't mind going vegetarian do you?
We also harvest most all of the grain you eat as well. I suppose you can fill up on pineapple though.
Please don't plan to use the Mississippi River for shipping since most of it runs through our states as well. It's primary access point is of course within our jurisdiction.
We will have have high standards of access through our states for your cargo deliveries since you can't get to your two halves without going through ours. Of course, you mght have trouble getting your cargo anywhere without the gas that we have been making for you.
I am sorry to say that most of the non-nuclear energy produced in the country comes from our areas as well. We'll be keeping that but you can still enjoy the moonlight on your beaches.
While your rates of asthma and lung disease in young people skyrocket from your polluted cities, we will beathe freely in our clean, green areas.
One last thing: I know this is odd, coming from a "red stater" and all, but when can we expect you to return Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton?

[ddeclue]

14. This is silly childish South stereotyping/bashing

This is just South bashing..and it's really out of date and getting older all the time.

Perhaps you ought to check into the fact the Obama is leading in FL, NC, and VA and is tied up in Georgia.

Those are all "slave" states.

While you're dividing up the "family assets" let me let you know what you've left behind:

The French Quarter, Miami Beach, Disney World, Universal Studios, all of our beaches, half the Appalachian trail, the Great Smoky Mountain national park, Franklin Roosevelt's other home in Warm Springs Georgia, the Tuskegee Airmen, Atlanta International Airport, Johnson Space Center, Marshall Space Flight Center, Kennedy Space Center, NASA Langley Center, ACC basketball, great colleges and universities like Georgia Tech, Emory, University of Miami, Duke, North Carolina, and Vanderbilt.

You're leaving behind: Jazz, Rock and Roll, the Blues, Country, Gospel and Bluegrass - all of the major American musical forms were products of the South.

Your leaving behind: Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, the Carter Center and the King Center.

Too bad you left us: Miami's banks - the banking center of Latin America, BMW and Mercedes plants in South Carolina and Alabama, the Saturn Plant in Tennessee, the Ford plant in Georgia, aerospace giants like Lockheed Martin, Boeing, and Northrup Grumman, tech companies like Siemens, and Motorola all which have substantial facilities in the South.


Lincoln, by the way viewed slavery as a NATIONAL sin, not a "Southern" sin. Read his Second Inaugural.

Nor is racism limited to the South as we've clearly seen in Ohio.

Remember that segregation was ended not by a Northerner but rather by two Southerners:

Martin Luther King, Jr. and Lyndon Baines Johnson.

As Lyndon Johnson said "there is no Negro Problem...There is no Southern Problem...there is no Northern Problem..there is only an American Problem."

Shame on you for your mean spirited stereotyping,

Doug D.
Orlando, FL/Fort Lauderdale, FL

formerly of:
Augusta, GA
Atlanta, GA
Shelbyville, TN
Huntsville, AL
Sunrise, FL
Pembroke Pines, FL
Melbourne, FL
Titusville, FL

http://www.answers.com/topic/lyndon-b-johnson-voting-rights-act-address

Lyndon B. Johnson: Voting Rights Act Address

I speak tonight for the dignity of man and the destiny of democracy.

I urge every member of both parties—Americans of all religions and of all colors—from every section of this country—to join me in that cause.

At times history and fate meet at a single time in a single place to shape a turning point in man's unending search for freedom. So it was at Lexington and Concord. So it was a century ago at Appomattox. So it was last week in Selma, Alabama.

There is no Negro problem. There is no southern problem. There is no northern problem. There is only an American problem.

And we are met here tonight as Americans—not as Democrats or Republicans—we are met here as Americans to solve that problem.

This was the first nation in the history of the world to be founded with a purpose. The great phrases of that purpose still sound in every American heart, north and south: "All men are created equal"—"Government by consent of the governed"—"Give me liberty or give me death."…

Those words are a promise to every citizen that he shall share in the dignity of man. This dignity cannot be found in man's possessions. It cannot be found in his power or in his position. It really rests on his right to be treated as a man equal in opportunity to all others. It says that he shall share in freedom, he shall choose his leaders, educate his children, provide for his family according to his ability and his merits as a human being… .

Many of the issues of civil rights are very complex and most difficult. But about this there can and should be no argument. Every American citizen must have an equal right to vote. There is no reason which can excuse the denial of that right. There is no duty which weighs more heavily on us than the duty we have to ensure that right.

Yet the harsh fact is that in many places in this country men and women are kept from voting simply because they are Negroes… .

Experience has clearly shown that the existing process of law cannot overcome systematic and ingenious discrimination. No law that we now have on the books—and I have helped to put three of them there—can ensure the right to vote when local officials are determined to deny it.

In such a case our duty must be clear to all of us. The Constitution says that no person shall be kept from voting because of his race or his color. We have all sworn an oath before God to support and to defend that Constitution.

We must now act in obedience to that oath.

Wednesday I will send to Congress a law designed to eliminate illegal barriers to the right to vote… .

[beyurslf]

16. Here here! I am from KS and used to jokes and all. In fact, I love making jokes about my own state

It is all in good fun most of the time. But dumb ass emails about how we give nothing of value and all the coastal states provide everything important to the country are just dumb. Let them eat pineapple and lettuce--I want a medium rare KC Steak with some red ID potatoes and collard greens.

Hope they aren't wearing cotton either!

[ObamanationYes1]

15. YOU and Murtha are not helping!

[Marsala]

17. I hereby christen our new country "Fake America"! n/t

[Milspec]

18. I want to save this thread

as on of the best threads on DU. in its entirety all of it. We have produced a great nation. America rocks.