Help the Republicans figure it all out poll

[Bucky]

What are they doing wrong, the poor bums? Palin talks and their numbers go down. Palin hides and their numbers go down. McCain acts mature and their numbers go down. McCain acts impetuous and crotchety and their numbers go down. They bring up Ayers and drop Wright, then they bring up Wright and drop Ayers, then they bring up both and drop Osama bin Laden insinuations and still their numbers go down.

They smooch fundy asses and they lose support on Main Street. They pretend like their moderates and they lose support on Crazy-Jesus-Hates-You Cul de Sac. They call Obama a hippy, then a machine pol, then an elitist, then a socialist, and then even a communist... and they're still falling behind in every demographic. They even manage to call Obama a "big spender" with a straight face!

Why oh why, Lord? What on earth are our poor Republican brethren doing wrong?

[Bucky]

1. Other theories welcome

of course