|
In the spirit of the last eight years, I'd like to provide some helpful reminders to all Republicans, which will take effect on January 20th, 2009. Please make sure to pass these on to any GOP toady you know who might need a refresher on these (although since these are the rules they dictated for the rest of us, they should know them by heart). Add on if I've missed any!
1. President Obama IS America, so if you criticize him you are an America-hating traitor. And furthermore, you need to leave this country. Seriously - pack your shit, and get the fuck out of here. Now. Go to some other country that sympathizes with your anti-American hatred.
2. President Obama IS the military, so if you criticize him you are backstabbing the troops. Why do you hate the troops so much? You must be in league with the terrorists.
3. President Obama has the right to spy on any one of you fucking treasonous bastards at any time, simply because he might feel like it. Live with it, assholes.
4. President Obama does not need to follow any silly laws he doesn't like, especially not those produced by a partisan witch-hunt on the part of sniveling Republican Congressmen.
5. President Obama can ignore the Constitution as he sees fit. That includes the 2nd Amendment.
6. If President Obama is reported to have said anything untruthful it must be the fault of the biased media which hates him. And said media will be deservedly forced out of their very careers for it, ala Dan Rather. You hear that, Hannity, Limbaugh and the rest of you fucking shits?
7. Don't you even dare to think about impeaching President Obama, because the public backlash against you will ruin your careers. Impeachment is off the table.
8. If this nation experiences another terrorist attack you motherfuckers better line up behind your President, Barack Obama. And furthermore if it turns out he was asleep at the switch your patriotism demands that you refrain from pointing that out.
9. President Obama can ship off whomever he likes to Guantanamo Bay and do whatever he feels like to do when they are there. This includes all enemies of the state and applies to any right-wing nutjob who starts threatening the government. Yeah, I know those asshole militias (remember the "I love my country but fear my government" bumper stickers during the Clinton administration, which all mysteriously vanished in 2001??) will regroup again in 2009 to recommence their endless whines about the federal government. Hope they're prepared for that long, blindfolded airplane ride to Cuba!
10. In short, if President Obama makes predictions that turn out to be untrue, it is not his fault, and you can't prove he was wrong.
Now some rules for our new Vice President as well: 1. Vice President Biden can have unchecked power not previously defined in any law or policy.
2. Vice President Biden does not have to disclose anything he doesn't want to about any meetings with anyone.
3. Vice President Biden represents the legislative AND executive branch of the U.S. Government. Hell, let's throw in the judicial branch too!
4. Vice President Biden can make any statement he likes regardless of truthfulness or any basis in reality, and he is not to be challenged or questioned.
5. If Vice President Biden has a family member whose lifestyle is in direct opposition to his views, this is private family business that is untouchable to anyone else.
(Note: I don't actually expect nor want Obama/Biden to behave this way, but it's nice to know the bar was set so low for ethical standards during the past eight years that nothing these two could possibly do would ever reach the depths of the Bush/Cheney administration).
|