McCain Campaign Unviels Palin-bot For Convention (Hundreds Swoon)

[JFN1]

St. Louis, MO (SP) - In a startling announcement, the McCain campaign tonight unveiled their remote controlled Palin-bot for tonight's Vice Presidential debate. Demonstrating the life-like robotic Debate-a-tron 2000 first in the 2004 presidential debates, the Republican Party spokesperson Ricardo Crainial told me why they decided to unveil the latest model for this debate. The crowd of starry-eyed Republicans swooned visibly over the Palin-bot; some offered it/her? their best wishes, to which the Palin-bot grinned vacantly.

"Well, it's an important debate, to be sure," Mr. Crainial said from amid the crowd of crazed GOPers. "We had such luck when we used the Debate-a-tron standing in for George Bush in 2004, we decided to roll out the latest version for tonight's debate."

I asked what the audience could expect to see from the Palin version of the machine, that was different from the George Bush machine used in 2004.

"Principally, we have designed a better power distribution system. You know, everyone at the '04 debate thought the bulge in the back of the Bush model was for a listening device - but it was just batteries. The new model has a much more sophisticated distribution node, making it harder to spot."

I tried to end the interview at this point, but the GOP guy just wouldn't quit. He followed after me, saying, "And we've also improved the delay response mechanisms. When the Palin-bot must make a difficult response, the new circuitry will kick in and feed off a line or two - or three! - of mindless dribble that sounds important, but actually signifies nothing, while the Palin-bot team calculates an answer and transmits it out to the unit." Mr. Crainial gave me a slap on the back at this point. "There are over 500 canned responses, ready to go! It's seamless!"

I couldn't take anymore, so I started to run. Mr. Crainial started after me at first, but I lost him as I passed the hotel bar on my way out. And though I was unwilling to seek out any further comments from the many Republicans in the area, I feel safe in saying that it does appear the Republicans are very excited about their Palin-bot, and have high expectations the device will function as expected during the debate.