A rant from an ex-grunt: someone needs to give McCain a drug test

[9thkvius]

because I cannot fucking BELIEVE that he did not make his Vice Presidential pick under the influence of something. Quick, before all traces are gone from his system, somebody make him pee in a cup so we as a country will know for sure that this decision was made while chemically enhanced and NOT just on some sort of "oh, shit, that deadline is approaching, I better make a decision" sort of a whim, or in some sort of bizarre fit of political "cleverness" where some asshole consultant says "oh yeah, every mom in the country will switch their vote to you once you put a mom on the ticket". And it's not like it's just me thinking this is a horrible pick. The fact that many die-hard Republicans like Ben Stein and Peggy Noonan also think that this is an awful choice should be a big red flag to anyone and everyone. especially those who for whatever reason still might vote Republican. The Republican establishment has gone way past the point of putting lipstick on pigs, even for them. This is more like the situation Lewis Black described as taking a shit in front of everyone and then proudly standing back and beaming at your creation.* This decision is so awful that I can hardly fathom it. And to think that the Republicans are now screaming "sexism!" at the top of their lungs makes me think that I myself have somehow accidentally dropped some sort of pharmaceutical enhancement into my morning coffee, because my brain just can't process that reality. The same people who unabashedly called Senator Clinton a "bitch" or a "Nutcracker" on National Goddamn TV are now trying to say that legitimate questions about Palin's qualifications are just beyond the pale. No, they most certainly are not, you Kool-Aid drinking Bizarro fucktards. Even without getting into her seriously warped politics and her ethically-challenged actions while in office, a few points have to be made.

First, they are trying to tell us that she is prepared to be Veep because of all the "executive experience" that comes with being a mayor of a small town. Oh really? I can't say that it would necessarily be easy to be a mayor of a small town, but compared to being Vice President or potentially President? COME ON!!!! Her 3 AM phone calls, if she ever had any, were probably something along the lines of "uh, there's a Moose in the Wavaho parking lot and Elmer can't get out of his car to open the store." It is not even REMOTELY comparable to running the country. For a business analogy, it's like the board of Wal-Mart took the manager of the pet department at Wal-Mart No. 14,582 and suddenly made them the Chief Operating Officer of the entire Wal-Mart corporation. I imagine that sort of choice would probably have the shareholders and rank-and-file employees going "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!?" And then the board members try to rationalize their decision by saying "but she has FIVE KIDS!!!" as if that suddenly will make everyone say "oh, well, thank God! We were worried that she was unqualified! Whew!" Not to denigrate anyone who is a mother or raises children, but so the hell what? My mom had six kids! Does that mean McCain should have picked her instead?!? For that matter, my great-grandmother had SEVENTEEN kids. My God, can you think of ANYONE more qualified to be Vice President that THAT?!? Fuck, Woodrow Wilson should have put HER on the ticket!

Second, having been a member of the Army National Guard, I can safely say that the amount of influence the Governor of your particular state has over anything having to do with the Guard outside of the state (or for that matter WITHIN the state, except for natural disasters and occasionally civil unrest), is pretty much zero. Nada. It does not prepare her for any sort of major National Security crisis or give her any sort of foreign policy experience. There is never any sort of situation in which a field commander of a National Guard unit calls up the governor and says "Governor, we are ready to go out there and grab Osama Bin Laden, we just need you to give us the green light." Now, it might give her some sort of disaster management crisis, but I am unaware of anything that has happened in Alaska during her administration that would qualify as a major natural disaster (unless you count global warming, which she apparently does not really believe in anyway).

And the whole "Russia is so close to Alaska she MUST be an expert!" argument? Right. That's a truesome. I have some doubts she could find Russia on a map, at least one of Europe. There has never been a situation where Vladimir Putin has said "Yes, this is a great crisis. So I will talk with Governor Palin, because she understands me so very well. Her Russian is so natural I mistook her for a native speaker." Not in the most extreme Marvel Comics alternative universe has that happened. She has no background in foreign policy or international relations or world politics whatsoever, unless she had a class or two in college. And something tells me that Governor Palin is not exactly a heavy reader either, so I don't see her trying to learn it on the fly in any sort of Obama-ish way. Tell you what, GOPers, we will take you at your word that she knows all about Russia. Why doesn't someone hand Governor Palin a pencil and a pad of paper and ask her to write a goddamn essay on everything she knows about Russia? I would be willing to bet cash that the resulting essay would rival the most spectacularly bad fifth grade doing-my-homework-the-period-before-it-is-due sort of writing imaginable. "Russia is a country. It is very large. It is close to Alaska, which is where I live. They used to be Commies but they aren't anymore." It makes my head hurt just thinking about it.

So without even getting into any of the silly Springer-esque family drama surrounding Palin, it should be pretty clear that her choice as the VP nominee is a choice so spectacularly bad that rather than cheering her on, the Christian fundamentalist base should be checking their Bibles to make sure that it isn't a sign of the Apocalypse.

I'm going to work. I can't take it anymore.

*I would like to point out that I am calling the decision to make her the VP nominee a turd, and NOT Governor Palin. I don't know her well enough to call her a turd. Yet.